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I agree that I was wrong. There is no excuse for what I have done. I appreciate everyone's input even if it is very hard for me to take. I am going to be seeing a therapist on Thursday and plan to start working through my anger issues. It sounds like I really do need to allow her to have some space and focus on bettering myself in hopes that she will see that I am a different person.
I am considering writing her letters (her mail is being forwarded so I can send to my house and they should get to her). Not letters asking for her to come back, etc. (I realize that I have really, really done some bad things), but letters telling her about what is going on in my life and letting her know that I understand what I did was wrong. Do you think that is a mistake and I should just stop communicating with her?
I don't think you should write her letters, that could feel stalkerish and make things worse.
I think you could apologize for what you did and tell her you understand that she wants to end the marriage but you could offer to help her if there's ever anything she needs. At least keep the door open to friendship, go back and start all over. Just say "yah, I'm a jerk but if you ever need something, let me know, if you need help with furniture, your car,....."
At least you could be there as a friend until or if she ever would see you as something more again.
I really pray that it's not over. It's hard to boil an entire relationship, one that spans 5 years, into a post on a message board. I love her with all of my heart and I know that she loves me. I pray that in her time away she remembers the love that we shared while I work on making myself a better person.
I really pray that it's not over. It's hard to boil an entire relationship, one that spans 5 years, into a post on a message board. I love her with all of my heart and I know that she loves me.I pray that in her time away she remembers the love that we shared while I work on making myself a better person.
I hope get the help you need and I hope for the best out come in your relationship, but you DON'T KNOW that she loves you. You can't force someone to love you.
I don't mean to sound trite, but you will survive and move on at some point. Accept that you're gonna be in major pain for a while and to know this. Know that and try and "see" that... things will eventually get better. We had a major loss in our family very recently and I know how you feel. Grief is grief the same processes apply whether it is a death or separation like this.
I hope get the help you need and I hope for the best out come in your relationship, but you DON'T KNOW that she loves you. You can't force someone to love you.
She has told me since the fight that she still loves me. The one hope that I have is that this behavior hasn't gone on for many years, so I am hopeful that she has not built up an extreme level of resentment. But I know for her to leave she is extremely hurt, and rightfully so.
She has told me since the fight that she still loves me. The one hope that I have is that this behavior hasn't gone on for many years, so I am hopeful that she has not built up an extreme level of resentment. But I know for her to leave she is extremely hurt, and rightfully so.
We can still have love for those we want to leave- love for the memories shared, love for them as a person. It's probably more of a matter of what we can handle being in a relationship.
Make sure you really step back and give her space. Work on yourself. That's all you can do now.
give her space-do not contact her-this will push her further away
write a hand written letter, tell her this is your fault, not hers, and you have taken her for granted, list 3 things you have realized about yourself (thru the pain and tears of losing her)
and you will change-and write what you will change..
give it a few days
to be honest, - it seems like she had some forethought, and this was the final straw, so either she's had enough of you right now,,,or she landed in someone elses arms..
maybe she's afraid of you-keeping her distance..
either way,,, hang back, do not be a control freak- do not contact her friends/family or co workers, or do anything with social media...do not try to follow her.. or even look for her
keep your distance for a good week,,
if she truly loved you,,,she may come back,,,if she doesnt,,,,then she fell out of love..
and leave her be...
give her space.... yes, hurting sucks,,, heart-aches suck,,, we've all been there..it will get better..
Abusers are always terribly contrite after the fact. I hope she sees you as you are, an emotionally, psychologically, almost physically violent man and high tails it out of the marriage before she ends up on the receiving end of your fist. I have no sympathy for you whatsoever.
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