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I've mentioned more than a few times on here that I have no game, so I actually just started reading some dating books. I personally don't feel that they're too helpful, but I guess one thing I'd tell you is that they mentioned that men should stop thinking of women as "better" than them. I think it's sort of an ingrained thing in guys, but we think that we have to "earn" women, so if you aren't getting dates then you say "well, I'll get more educated, get a better career, make more money." And that sounds great, but none of that is relevant because that's only what women SAY they want in a man. But that's not true. A woman will date a lazy, unemployed guy and you see it all the time. Sure, they'll complain about it, but who cares? They're dating him. So while you're doing all this irrelevant stuff and thinking that it will attract women, you're missing out on the women (because you usually put your life on hold to do all this self-improvement B.S.)
Now, I'm sure a bunch of women will rush on here to yell about how I'm "putting them down," but so what? It's basically one of the few things that I read that resonated with me like "huh, I never thought about that."
If men are really thinking this... that women are somehow "better" then I have to agree, they need to stop doing that. No one is "better" or "worse" than anyone else and that line of thinking is very damaging to ones self-esteem (or the opposite it can make you narcissistic). And you should only improve yourself *for* yourself. If you go around trying to change yourself for a woman you aren't even dating yet, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.
I really wish I had more good, solid advice for the OP. The only thing I can say is I am sure you are imperfect (we ALL are), but I am also pretty sure you are perfectly lovable the way you are. It's just hard to find someone. In the meantime, work on improving yourself *for* you. It will help you outside the dating realm and it will boost your confidence (which always makes a man more attractive). And that doesn't mean you avoid dating. Even if it's going to the gym for an hour a day... you are improving yourself and working out makes people (at least me) feel good about themselves. Or take one class, etc. None of that will take a whole lot of time.
I do disagree with upndown here on the dating book thing. You just need to get some good ones, about building a relationship. I've read a few that are garbage, but also a few that were good, solid information. The ones written by people with credentials seem to be the best. Of course, most of the books I've read are written for men. So maybe the bulk of the men's books are horrible (there aren't very many, that's for sure). Look for unisex ones that address both men and women (and read the women's sections too... I read the men's sections in such books and found it very enlightening).
Having and taking care of pet shows a level of responsibility and the relationship one has with a pet demonstrates the pet's love for his master via obedience and behavior .
These do not come automatically, they come from consistency and learning one another's language.
Dogs work out best for most beginners ,very forgiving and anxious to please. Usually.
Start with a puppy but discover the character of the mother first ,that is where the puppies first training has begun.
The puppy will have all the same fears and aggression his mother does.
Dogs require attention, and exercise ,and consistency in your behavior and language with them . They don't have your vocabulary .
Thing is people admire others with a good relationship with their dog .
Being able to raise a dog successful might mean that one is capable of raising children because it takes many of the same skills.
If you tease the dog you cannot train it .
It will just be a mutt.
Your dog is a reflection of you.
I have known women that cannot take care of baby animals and the are poor mothers when the time comes .
However women that raise and train their animals are much more interesting and fun to be around, their children are generally better behaved as well .IMO
A man can only take so much rejection. After having women after women tell me that they have a boyfriend or that they are not interested through out the years, I am feeling completely hopeless. I know I am a bit shy, socially awkward, and not the best looking chap in the world, but I never thought that being a hugless, kissless, virgin would bring so much despair. It's as if the only value to people I bring is monetary.
Going out and about brings me so much pain, seeing how so many couples look so happy out there and wishing that I would be like them.
None of the material goods I have bring hapiness anymore. Friends have all but disappeared after having families.
I really, really want a soulmate of my own. Not just for the intimacy that I crave, but to have company waiting home for me after I finish work.
Cuddling, holding hands, talking to each other during dinner. I'd trade away my soul for that.
Why won't women give me a chance?
Because you aren't giving yourself a chance.
To have and sustain friendships you have to BE a friend.
To find love you have to first love yourself.
What are YOU doing to accomplish these things?
Sitting like a lump on a log and waiting for the world to bring you what you want is a bad strategy.
So you're "socially awkward", many people are. The smart ones seek some professional help to grow past it.
Get some counseling for your self-esteem issues then hire a life coach to give you practical tools for becoming the best you that you can be.
When you are willing to do the work it takes to have what you want, you will have what you want.
Awe... what a heartfelt plight. Where do you live, my kind sir? I will personally direct you to some women that will be more than willing to be with you.
Awe... what a heartfelt plight. Where do you live, my kind sir? I will personally direct you to some women that will be more than willing to be with you.
Does it really matter where I live? I live in Buffalo NY.
Get your house in order first and then look for companion. Having good education and a good job are very important but hardly guarantee you any success with the opposite sex. Become your best self and women will not be able to resist you.
We have an old college friend who has never had a girlfriend. He is smart, successful, and reasonably cute and fit. (He is shy and awkward and 40ish) He will not ask women out and only wants to date very young and hot girls. (Way,way out of his league.) He will not listen to reason and will probably never get a girlfriend.
Ask out a lot of women. It can be for coffee or lunch. The more women you ask the better your odds are. You have not dated a lot, so try out different types of women. (ages, heights, weights, hair color, SES, ethnicity) Don't use some 'list" of attributes you want. The more practice you have, the better at dating/relationships you will be.
A man can only take so much rejection. After having women after women tell me that they have a boyfriend or that they are not interested through out the years, I am feeling completely hopeless. I know I am a bit shy, socially awkward, and not the best looking chap in the world, but I never thought that being a hugless, kissless, virgin would bring so much despair. It's as if the only value to people I bring is monetary.
Going out and about brings me so much pain, seeing how so many couples look so happy out there and wishing that I would be like them.
None of the material goods I have bring hapiness anymore. Friends have all but disappeared after having families.
I really, really want a soulmate of my own. Not just for the intimacy that I crave, but to have company waiting home for me after I finish work.
Cuddling, holding hands, talking to each other during dinner. I'd trade away my soul for that.
Why won't women give me a chance?
I can sympathize man. It's a damn big hole that hurts. Frankly I can only associate with a few feelings anymore and they aren't pleasant ones. I've found that the bolded makes it hurt even more for some reason and simultaneously makes it difficult to try and start a conversation when you're out.
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