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And what about women who just want to have sex for sex?
Sorry, but there are some women out there telling lies, and claiming that is their intention, when they really want dating and a relationship.
They have taken the old truism, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach" and turned it to mean, "The way to a man's heart is through parts south of his stomach" And, it just doesn't work. The way to a man's heart is through his heart. Either you are the one, are you are not the one for him. He has to be ready to let you in, and he has to be ready to give it to you. It's not something you can force or manipulate. It's like inviting him in and offering him freshly baked cookies. Don't expect anything but a, "Thank you...and do you have any milk to go with this?" To him, they're just cookies, and you're just being "nice" Harsh, but it is the truth.
Hmm, interesting. So is that how the dating game is these days? That most men will not be in a relationship until they have sex and know that it's good?
It's not a "game," it's not just men, and it's not just "these days." People in general like to know if the sexual compatibility is there if they're going to be in a relationship, in my experience. Nothing new, shocking, or gender-specific about that.
It's not a "game," it's not just men, and it's not just "these days." People in general like to know if the sexual compatibility is there if they're going to be in a relationship, in my experience. Nothing new, shocking, or gender-specific about that.
Sadly, this is being used to pressure partners into it, though. This will be disappointing and alarming for some people--because they will feel as if emotional blackmail is being practiced upon them...but those like myself, my view of it will be: Thank you for quickly demonstrating to me that you are the kind of man who wishes to emphasize getting to know me physically, way before attempting to get acquainted emotionally and intellectually. I want better for myself. I want a man with standards and self control, not self-seeking, and not someone looking for notches on his belt. Our physical aspect (attractiveness and sex appeal) is passing away and changing, even as I write this. It can't last. It will not last. Only the emotional and intellectual connnection will sustain a viable relationship, long-term.
If the sex has to be a requirement for the possibility of a relationship, something is wrong there. A game is most definitely being played, and it's a dirty one!
Sadly, this is being used to pressure partners into it, though.
Not in my experience, but that's probably because I only tend to date women who have similar attitudes about sex as I do. I'm sorry to hear your experience has been otherwise.
Quote:
Originally Posted by laorbust61
If the sex has to be a requirement for the possibility of a relationship, something is wrong there.
Again, sex is an important part of relationships for most people. Maybe not the MOST important part, and maybe not for ALL people, but it's an important part for most. It's part of what we generally seek out when we seek a partner as healthy, mature adults. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It's not a "game"-- it's just life.
Last edited by nearnorth; 10-28-2013 at 11:11 AM..
Sorry, but there are some women out there telling lies, and claiming that is their intention, when they really want dating and a relationship.
They have taken the old truism, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach" and turned it to mean, "The way to a man's heart is through parts south of his stomach" And, it just doesn't work. The way to a man's heart is through his heart. Either you are the one, are you are not the one for him. He has to be ready to let you in, and he has to be ready to give it to you. It's not something you can force or manipulate. It's like inviting him in and offering him freshly baked cookies. Don't expect anything but a, "Thank you...and do you have any milk to go with this?" To him, they're just cookies, and you're just being "nice" Harsh, but it is the truth.
Idk what you are talking about. There are women (me included) who just want sex and nothing more.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by laorbust61
If the sex has to be a requirement for the possibility of a relationship, something is wrong there. A game is most definitely being played, and it's a dirty one!
You know what a "relationship" without sex is? It is a friendship. If you want a friendship call it what it is. If you want a relationship, know that sex is part of that and it has to be good.
Not in my experience, but that's probably because I only tend to date women who have similar attitudes about sex as I do. I'm sorry to hear your experience has been otherwise.
Again, sex is an important part of relationships for most people. Maybe not the MOST important part, and maybe not for ALL people, but it's an important part for most. It's part of what we generally seek out when we seek a partner as healthy, mature adults. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It's not a "game"-- it's just life.
If sex is such an important part of relationships for most people, why don't folks handle it better? Why all the anger over being scorned, why all the divorces why all the seduction and abandonment? why the depersonalization of women? why all the unplanned pregnancies? Why....all the broken and embittered hearts? If it's so important, why can't we figure out how to navigate this without hurting others and getting hurt ourselves?
That you date women who want the same things you do, is smart and honest. No problems there. I like this also:
"It's part of what we generally seek out when we seek a partner as healthy, mature adults"
This is what puzzles me about the above statement: If everyone pretty much believes that premarital sex is necessary and good, why do guys get so upset when you tell them you are not sexually attracted to them and you do not wish to go to bed with them? Their reaction makes no sense, given that there are other females who will be attracted to them. If the males are so well balanced healthy and mature, why the childish and retaliatory behavior if their advances are not received as they would like them to be?
You know what a "relationship" without sex is? It is a friendship. If you want a friendship call it what it is. If you want a relationship, know that sex is part of that and it has to be good.
I think men need to get better at moving on if a woman tells them as gently and respectfully as they can that they don't feel a spark. Their refusal to do so causes problems. But what usually happens is that they blame the woman for sending mixed signals and teasing, even if the woman stated her intentions at the beginning. One posted stated that he only dated women who shared his views on sex. I think that is very wise.
Idk what you are talking about. There are women (me included) who just want sex and nothing more.
If that's a viable life choice for you, that's fine. I have a problem with a person trying to "convert" me into their way of thinking. If it's not a match, recognize it early and move on. They could just as easily date a woman who feels the same way they do.
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