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Take his answer--"no, she has too many issues"--as a sign that he is free and clear of her, because it implies that he would not be with her whether you were in the picture or not. If he's really over her, you would and should not be the only thing keeping him from her. He should be clear-headed about what went on between them and why it ended.
She's his ex for a reason, and that reason should not have anything to do with you because their break-up happened long before you came along. Maybe he could have offered some reassurance to you, like, "Of course not, I'm with you now," but don't his actions already tell you that? He might not have felt compelled to say it because it's just so obvious.
At any rate, you asked a question, he answered. Maybe you didn't like his answer because it doesn't revolve around you, but maybe you should consider that he had a life before he started dating you. And not for nothing, but I'd rather be with a man who could acknowledge the good qualities about his ex than one who had nothing but bitter commentary about her. I consider it a sign of maturity.
Differences of your lives right now factor into that as well. You're in school and not ready for children, he's older and is ready for children. Someone has to give to accomodate the other person, or the relationship will likely end. It's life.
I think some of you are being way too harsh on the OP. The guy was moping around and, when asked what was wrong, said he missed his ex and that he didn't want to be with her again because of her issues (implication being that if she wasn't so issue-ridden, he sure would be with her). Come on! That is going to hurt, no matter how you spin it. The man you love says he misses his ex & implies there are conditions under which he'd still want to be with her. I think the OP is entirely justified in being hurt. His reaction to her pain is quite telling, IMO. He yells at her and makes her out to be the bad guy. Bah, that's not the response of a sensitive partner.
I think some of you are being way too harsh on the OP. The guy was moping around and, when asked what was wrong, said he missed his ex and that he didn't want to be with her again because of her issues (implication being that if she wasn't so issue-ridden, he sure would be with her). Come on! That is going to hurt, no matter how you spin it. The man you love says he misses his ex & implies there are conditions under which he'd still want to be with her. I think the OP is entirely justified in being hurt. His reaction to her pain is quite telling, IMO. He yells at her and makes her out to be the bad guy. Bah, that's not the response of a sensitive partner.
But if we're honest, can't we all say that? "I'd still be with my ex if they hadn't, slept around, been emotionally unavailable, smoked so much weed, [you fill in the blank]. As a previous poster pointed out, we all come to relationships with history. We had a life before "us," and given divorce statistics, will likely have a life after us. Unfortunately most of us can't compartmentalize our feelings into a nice tidy little packages like some would prefer. People who understand that develop mature and healthy relationships. Those who can't end up in clingy relationships that suck the life out of their partners (or end up snapping over an insignificant comment) because their well being and self image is wrapped up in being the center of the other person's universe - something they have absolutely no control over.
I simply can't wrap my mind around the responses here along the lines of "he should have worded his answer differently" or "talk with him so he'll understand better how to answer your questions in the future" or "he just had trouble expressing himself." No he didn't. The OP asked a question specifically about how he felt about his ex -- and then she got mad that he answered in the very context in which the OP herself framed the question instead of pivoting and making the answer about her. And somehow he's supposed to dance around that kind of irrational self-absorption? Did I wake up in the freckin' Twilight Zone today?
I really don't think that is out of the ordinary for either gender. I can only imagine how hurt my husband would have been if I said that about my ex, I know I would be hurt if I were the OP. It's not that she expects for him to be a mind reader, but there are certain reassuring responses in these types of situations, and then there are the responses that make you feel like the 2nd choice.
What the OP needs to know if he loves her and wants to be with HER even if the ex fixes her issues.
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But if we're honest, can't we all say that? "I'd still be with my ex if they hadn't, slept around, been emotionally unavailable, smoked so much weed, [you fill in the blank]. As a previous poster pointed out, we all come to relationships with history. We had a life before "us," and given divorce statistics, will likely have a life after us. Unfortunately most of us can't compartmentalize our feelings into a nice tidy little packages like some would prefer. People who understand that develop mature and healthy relationships. Those who can't end up in clingy relationships that suck the life out of their partners (or end up snapping over an insignificant comment) because their well being and self image is wrapped up in being the center of the other person's universe - something they have absolutely no control over.
And I'm going to quote your posts right below the post that was just a few posts above your first post.
Oh. Thats even worse hahaha... nothing says you arent over your ex by saying you've been "separated" for two years when you were never married.
"broke up" too hard of a term to use?
P.s. if it was above my first post then shame on me for not reading the 100ish posts before hand
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