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So, you'd have no problems f*cking a married guy, but wouldn't give a guy who was seeing a girl exclusively for six months and wasn't really sure she was the right fit the time of day, even if he was completely up front and honest about his situation and you really liked him? I believe you're quite capable of the first, but I don't think you'd blow off a guy you really liked just because he was seeing someone else he wasn't too crazy about, but I totally get that you want him to break things off before getting serious with you.
i have been the "involved" person. the new guy pursuing me didn't know i was involved and i ended up breaking it off with the ex to be with the new guy. things had gone down the drain long ago with the guy i was with and we were pretty much just stuck living together for the rest of our lease...at least in my eyes as i told him all the time. he didn't feel the same way. i ended up falling hard for the new guy and moving out before the end of my lease. it never caused any drama between the two guys. the ex was upset with me...not the guy! it wasn't his fault
I will definitely stick with my own husband and leave all the others husbands to their own wives.
No running around with a single guy either, I am married and I want to stay married because I actually like and love my husband and want to be with only him.
upndown = "...us as outsiders are the ones going "this is sacred!" while the people in the actual relationship don't care about it in any meaningful way."
I am responsible for my actions, not theirs. I don't cheat and I don't date married women (call it bad karma) - those are things I control. If someone lies to me or doesn't tell me they're married then that's on them until I find out (which also reveals that they're untrustworthy). If they're in a sham / open marriage, then I probably don't want much to do with them anyway.
throughout my years being in a relationship, I have had 4 women at various times showed 100% interest in me and would have been my fling on the side if I had wanted one. I refused every time.
I think in all my years being single, I only had one opportunity to have a fling with a woman who was currently in a relationship. I didnt pursue it, but I am pretty certain if I had, we could have had some fun one particular summer.
If so, what would the circumstances need to be in order for you to go ahead and pursue it? Would it matter to you if the person was married? Long term (multiple years) monogamous couple? Have you ever been the "involved" person in this scenario? Did the new person make you realize what was lacking in your committed relationship?
See, this is my whole issue with this question. I realize that the vast majority of people say "as soon as someone has a significant other and certainly once they're married, then it's hands off." But in at least some, if not many, of these relationships there's seemingly nothing "sacred" about it to the people IN the relationships. In other words, us as outsiders are the ones going "this is sacred!" while the people in the actual relationship don't care about it in any meaningful way.
I mean, what, the woman in this story didn't realize she was married? Like "oopsie, that slipped my mind! Tee hee!"? No, she knew and she herself didn't care. Now, that's not fair to the guy, but that's also not your fault. But that's what we really are caring about. "What about the guy (in this instance)?" Right? Because we're saying to ourselves "wait, what if I was that guy? That shouldn't happen to me!"
I used to be of the mindset that it was "hands off," but now I think my feeling is that the people in the relationship should actually care about it. And if they do, then some man or woman coming around isn't going to affect them. So I say go for anyone you want. That's what they mean when they say "all's fair in love and war."
Not a popular position but one I agree with. I prefer not to deal with the baggage and drama that usually comes with someone who is attached but, sometimes, their relationship is already over. I will never say "never". I just might.
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