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But regulating eveyones behavior to just one norm isn't diversity its fear! I know some ladies, if you ask for everything then your labeled as needy, weak etc. So it becomes everyones responsibility to set there own boundaries and enforce them. Another words if you don't like being hugged then say so. But if you don't set your boundaries and say what they are, then i don't know what to say to you.
As a man, I wish I was being hit on so often that my biggest problem was how to turn them all away
Do you really though? Keep in mind that includes a whole host of people that you may not find attractive or that you might even find threatening. Getting leered at or pawed at on the bus or at the workplace is the price one pays for also being able to pull good looking gentleman at the bar.
exhibit a that if youre ugly and hit on a women chances are good youll be called a creep for approaching
Quote:
Originally Posted by AverageGuy2006
Interesting how her description of him was:
"fugly, drunk, and gross"
Didnt matter if he was funny, or rich, or athletic, or anything.
FUGLY.
Remember guys, if you're fugly, stay out of the clubs. You will save yourself A LOT of money.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiian by heart
And remember the focus wasn't on his rude behavior but a discription of the guy. "fugly, drunk, and gross". Its fine, everyone has a right to decide what is right for them and thats ok. But to not accept or be responsible for our choices is another.
Actually, she did say it was his behavior. He came over and just sat down and started talking to her, uninvited. Surely she and I are not the only two people in this world who think that's obnoxious. It's an intrusion on space. I used to just tell people someone is sitting there and will be back in a minute.
Also, she mentioned him being drunk first--"drunk, fugly, and just gross."
Quote:
Originally Posted by cindersslipper
After a few decades of this you sort of get totally beyond it all.
For example, I had some creep hit on me on the weekend. I was at the club minding my own business and he came and sat down and started talking. Anyway I just tried to ignore him, playing on my phone, he was drunk and fugly and just gross. My friend came back then he started talking to her about me. He said something like "I think she's getting annoyed" because I was still playing my solitaire just wishing he would go away.
I said to him, not yet but im getting there. You would think this would be enough but no.
Richard Cranium still didn't get the hint so I got up and went back inside. Just walked off and left him to it, right in mid sentence about how he found me quite rude playing my phone when he was trying to chat me up.
The care factor was lower than zero.
And then she elaborated after the first hyperdefensive reaction.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cindersslipper
I wouldn't care if he was George Clooney.
He was rude, insensitive, and invading my space.
He was also rolling drunk.
If he hadn't been so disrespectful, rude and bleary eyed, I would probably have enjoyed talking to him and perhaps even been charmed by him enough to be persuaded to have a date with him.
But guess what? He was disrespectful, rude and bleary eyed so he didn't even get asked to sit down.
It's his behaviour that labels him a creep, not his looks.
All I can say is that it doesn't matter how good-looking a man's face is. If he's a sloppy, rude, overbearing drunk, I wouldn't talk to him either.
And besides, hello? Club etiquette? If someone is seated, unless that person deliberately makes eye contact with you, smiles, waves you over, or pats an open seat to come sit down, that usually means, "Otherwise occupied, keep walking." Usually people who are open to chatting with strangers stand, head to the bar, or take a lap around the perimeter of the dance floor.
Do you really though? Keep in mind that includes a whole host of people that you may not find attractive or that you might even find threatening. Getting leered at or pawed at on the bus or at the workplace is the price one pays for also being able to pull good looking gentleman at the bar.
It's a tongue-in-cheek statement, and also a "grass is greener" thing. The other side of the coin for women would be to have no guy leer or hit on you, ever....which is what the average man experiences. The opposite of whatever we're currently dealing with always sounds great at first. You'll hear men make statement like mine and women lament abut how often they're approached, but the reverse isn't always fantastic, either.
It wasn't a club, it was a pub. I am old and hang around in live music venues because that's what Gen X do.
I was sitting outside in the sun, with my beer, playing solitaire on my phone. I had just arrived, found a park, met up with friends, got a drink, got through the crowd, said hello to about 20 people, found a vacant seat in the sunshine and knew my friends would be straight out on the next break of the band.
So.
Richard comes out, beer in hand. Stands talking to people next to me constantly looking at me, edging closer and closer to my table.
He said, you look so lonely there.
I said, oh I'm fine thanks.
He goes, No you're not you're on your own.
Then he proceeds to go on about the unusualness of a woman sitting in the sunshine playing solitaire, how it means that I must be fairly bitter and angry and lonely, how he's just separated (4 months) and how I should be putting down my phone and enjoying myself.
Within about 2 minutes he had actually told me about 6 things that were "wrong" with me.
I hadn't even taken my sunglasses off at this stage, was staring at him, and said "well that's your opinion" or something like that, when he started to get like the CD guys.
I was only being friendly, what's your problem, can't we have a nice chat in a beer garden without you getting all angry, gee your ex must've really hurt you, not all men are Aholes you know (God how many times have I heard this!), my ex wife took all my money and I'm really a great guy, she's still in my house but I fancy my chances with you you miserable faced friendless old slapper.
Well not quite the last sentence but you get my drift.
Break it down for the slow ones -
I'm a man (of any description) you're a shaggable woman sitting there by yourself. Obviously this is an unnatural state of affairs and you are an an unhappy woman, so I will cheer you up and you will respond with a pretty smile and an invitation to sit down. If you don't want me and welcome my clumsy advances with open arms and legs then you're a stuck up biotch with mental problems/just another golddigger anyway! Eff You!!
Your quote: Getting leered at or pawed at on the bus or at the workplace is the price one pays for also being able to pull good looking gentleman at the bar (end quote)
Once again, if the young ladys would do us all a favor in being responsible citzens and call the cops when those crimes happens so every guy dosnt have to pay for them we all would be greatful.
No offence but there comes a time where you need to just be responsible, in doing these things and setting boundrys etc. And white knight guys don't help anymore.
Your quote: Getting leered at or pawed at on the bus or at the workplace is the price one pays for also being able to pull good looking gentleman at the bar (end quote)
Once again, if the young ladys would do us all a favor in being responsible citzens and call the cops when those crimes happens so every guy dosnt have to pay for them we all would be greatful.
No offence but there comes a time where you need to just be responsible, in doing these things and setting boundrys etc. And white knight guys don't help anymore.
Fortunately I live in Australia which means that for every drunken jerk there's 10 guys just waiting to sort him out for you.
Hmmm what was wrong with saying "look im flattered but not interestted" or "i would like to be alone right now sorry thanks"? If he continues goto the bouncer or bartender?
Not excusing the bad example of a male for his behavior. He is out of line. But you have no control in his behavior only yours. So if you don't take your personal power then you can't claim to be a victim. Sorry that happened to you. Safety and Power is not in contoling others but empowering yourself.
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lol
