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Old 10-23-2013, 07:56 AM
 
Location: Canada
11,756 posts, read 11,949,329 times
Reputation: 30171

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Youseeya View Post
I don't want a committed relationship and really don't care about this ''Oh will I find Mr Right'' thing (and never did). I don't like the idea of being stuck with one person for years. There's is too much responsibilities within a relationship.
But the thing is, you're being dishonest. You've been dating three guys for a couple of months and now one of them wants to be exclusive. Obviously he, and the others, are unaware that you don't want a committed relationship, let alone you're dating three guys at once. IMO, that's irresponsible and selfish.
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Old 10-23-2013, 07:59 AM
 
35,095 posts, read 50,984,986 times
Reputation: 62660
Quote:
Originally Posted by RogersParkGuy View Post
Listen, if you are dating more than one person and none of them know it, you are already "cheating." That is to say, you are already practicing deception. I bet the only reason you want to "keep it that way" is because you know all hell would break loose if these guys knew about each other.

You are entitled to date more than one person if you like. But they have a right to know what the heck is going on. If they don't, you are taking away their right to choose.

There is no cheating going on, she is dating multiple men and I don't see the issue.
I used to do this all the time but I never made "excuses" I just said I didn't want to go out with them that particular night and it was never an issue.
If she was in an actual committed relationship it would be a different story.
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Old 10-23-2013, 08:29 AM
 
Location: east coast
2,846 posts, read 2,955,461 times
Reputation: 1971
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut View Post
Of course, it is. But its Monday, and I replenished my bucket of troll meat.
Wow, I really like this post. Not too many posts make be laught...
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Old 10-23-2013, 08:34 AM
 
Location: east coast
2,846 posts, read 2,955,461 times
Reputation: 1971
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
There is no cheating going on, she is dating multiple men and I don't see the issue.
I used to do this all the time but I never made "excuses" I just said I didn't want to go out with them that particular night and it was never an issue.
If she was in an actual committed relationship it would be a different story.
Really? Having sex doesn't constitute committed. So she can be sexually involved with the all and it be ok?

As a man, I want to know if you are dodging me for another date even if you don't make excuses.... I have a right to know. Stop forgiving bad behavior just because she is a female. It doesn't matter if you are not committed. It is emotions you are dealing with.
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Old 10-23-2013, 08:36 AM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,737,208 times
Reputation: 40634
Quote:
Originally Posted by burgler09 View Post
If she's going around sleeping with 3 other guys because she's not in a relationship, chances are she's not the type of girl I'd want to date anyways. I'd prefer to know so I could find someone better

Fair enough. If you're dating her you have every right to ask and if you don't like the answer you have every right to end the relationship. Communication really does make everything simple!

Quote:
Originally Posted by halfamazing View Post
Really? Having sex doesn't constitute committed. So she can be sexually involved with the all and it be ok?

Do you seriously think that if you have sex with someone you're then in a committed relationship with them automatically?
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Old 10-23-2013, 08:44 AM
 
Location: NC
11,188 posts, read 8,226,683 times
Reputation: 12405
Quote:
Originally Posted by Youseeya View Post
I think I got a bit carried away and the days went by quickly and I would forget to tell them I'm seeing someone else. I was going to tell them last month but forgot.

I guess I should inform them and hopefully they still want to see me but I don't know. The one that asked me to be his gf will sure be turned off completely.
I date multiple people, but always (!!!!!!!) let someone know before the first kiss that "I date". I tell them that if they have questions, I'd be glad to honestly answer them, and then I do. I tell them that until we discuss otherwise, they should not assume we are exclusive. (Of course, I'm a bit more diplomatic, but in reality not too much more. I try to be very clear and above board.)

In my experience, it may run a few people off, but that discussion is MUCH easier to have on the front end, and I sleep with a clear conscience. And yes, it's still a lot of work. No matter how honest you are, and how much everyone agrees to "the rules", people are people, and they have feelings. If you're going to date multiple people (and not go crazy) you'd better learn to be a good communicator, and also be open to other people's feelings, and to seeing yourself through their eyes. It's not always easy.

That said, I have no regrets. And have developed some great relationships. It's where I need to be now, and as my situation evolves, so may my relationships. Until then, honesty to all, and few regrets.
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Old 10-23-2013, 08:44 AM
 
Location: east coast
2,846 posts, read 2,955,461 times
Reputation: 1971
Quote:
Originally Posted by Youseeya View Post
I don't want a committed relationship and really don't care about this ''Oh will I find Mr Right'' thing (and never did). I don't like the idea of being stuck with one person for years. There's is too much responsibilities within a relationship.
Look, I will have a main squeeze, 2 side pieces and some cheddar. Does it make it right? No. You know it isn't right. So why are you on here asking when you will go off and do as you want?

I am the last person to tell you not to do it. I will say it's wrong but I will not judge cause I have my own sins.

Rule #1- don't out yourself. You are vulnerable right now cause internally you are trying to confess and you might catch a hard one fast by one of the 3 men so I would relax and chill for a bit and get off the forums. You may end up in the dumpster if you make one bad move.. So, just play it cool for now and lay low.
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Old 10-23-2013, 08:49 AM
 
Location: east coast
2,846 posts, read 2,955,461 times
Reputation: 1971
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
Fair enough. If you're dating her you have every right to ask and if you don't like the answer you have every right to end the relationship. Communication really does make everything simple!




Do you seriously think that if you have sex with someone you're then in a committed relationship with them automatically?
I will cut you a break- you didn't read my post correctly.
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Old 10-23-2013, 08:59 AM
 
Location: east coast
2,846 posts, read 2,955,461 times
Reputation: 1971
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pi64 View Post
It's not "self-serving" when it works both ways. I don't think it's any of my business if someone I'm seeing is involved with someone else.
Then, the person you are exclusive too can have the mind set of not thinking it's any of that person's business if someone is intimately dating someone else. Don't stop at just seeing... Let's go all the way to marriage. We can't make up the rules as we go so no holds barred!
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Old 10-23-2013, 09:04 AM
 
Location: Canada
11,756 posts, read 11,949,329 times
Reputation: 30171
Quote:
Originally Posted by Myghost View Post
I date multiple people, but always (!!!!!!!) let someone know before the first kiss that "I date". I tell them that if they have questions, I'd be glad to honestly answer them, and then I do. I tell them that until we discuss otherwise, they should not assume we are exclusive. (Of course, I'm a bit more diplomatic, but in reality not too much more. I try to be very clear and above board.)

In my experience, it may run a few people off, but that discussion is MUCH easier to have on the front end, and I sleep with a clear conscience. And yes, it's still a lot of work. No matter how honest you are, and how much everyone agrees to "the rules", people are people, and they have feelings. If you're going to date multiple people (and not go crazy) you'd better learn to be a good communicator, and also be open to other people's feelings, and to seeing yourself through their eyes. It's not always easy.

That said, I have no regrets. And have developed some great relationships. It's where I need to be now, and as my situation evolves, so may my relationships. Until then, honesty to all, and few regrets.
And that right there the difference. You are up-front and honest, not playing games and being deceitful for your own pleasure, and everyone else's feelings be dam*ed.
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