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In college (20+ years ago), I was best friends with a girl who had the ability/charm/attractiveness
to be able to snag nearly any guy she wanted.
I didn't feel able to compete or keep up, I felt invisible next to her.
We eventually had a falling out-not directly caused by this dynamic, but it sure didn't help our friendship.
So, yeah, I've been jealous-though it's not so much that I begrudge anyone else their happiness/success
as it is that I want to do well (have a partner) too-and that I don't feel awesome/good enough to make it so.
I've never been but I wanted to ask is their anyone else who has?
i've never been jealous of another guy in that context, no.
whenever this type of situation happens -- where a girl picks some other guy over me -- I've felt anger towards her (or frankly, towards women at-large) for the things they find attractive. (Keep in mind, I'm talking mainly about my formative teenage years.)
i think part of the conflict is that, growing up, I was taught a big load of horse sh*t about what women find attractive in the first place. Un-learning all that bad advice was a difficult process.
I cannot say I have ever been jealous at any particular friend or individual. There was a time I felt like giving up on finding a quality relationship and was jealous of people in general who were able to find and maintain them. That jealousy was more a part of putting myself in a depression and bad state of mind.
I was never jealous of her, but a friend of mine was very "successful" in relationships, had never been single since she was 16. Every guy that she had ever liked, had liked her back. I had a lot of trouble with men until I met my current boyfriend of three years, where things have been stable and easy. We lived together as roommates in college and shared an apartment together for two years. She had a steady relationship while I went through a string of people who just weren't good people.
Now, while she was not single, she had dated a guy for years that she thought she would marry, so she cosigned his student loans and a year or so after we graduated they broke up. Now, every month, she is paying them to have it not hurt her credit. She was unable to live alone after college unless she lived with a boyfriend. The guy she dated after him embezzled money from the store he was working at and they broke up, causing her to have to move in with her parents, so she could afford the one guy's student loans.
Now, I see it a little bit differently. We are both in happy, healthy relationships with great men these days. She is engaged to be married, while I have chosen to wait on that because I love living alone and making my own decisions. I have an independence that she has never had the chance to have.
I guess I now see her "success" in past relationships as not really a success at all.
I've never been but I wanted to ask is their anyone else who has?
Perhaps when I was younger.
I will add that observing how easy some guys have it, definitely opened my eyes to how different some peoples lives can be. There's a whole different world outthere for some people. And All I am going to say is, 'I bet those people are having a lot of fun.' Could I have been/be one of those people? Perhaps, but the more exposure I have had to that lifestyle leads me to believe, 'no I couldnt.'
To me it's almost like pro athletes. I could never get my body to respond to compete at a pro level professionally. They are bigger, stronger, faster.
Just like the guys I know that are very successful dating, I simply don't have it. Whatever it happens to be.
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