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Old 10-26-2013, 09:12 AM
 
5,472 posts, read 7,592,324 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StarshipU View Post
I get that, which is why I'm asking HOW to become more confident in myself, lol. I don't really know a way of going about it. I think I'm becoming better than I was in the past, but still not quite there yet.
You become more confident by seeking out your fears and challenging them. Setting goals, however small or big and accomplishing them is also a pretty good step. Not exactly sure what any of that has to do with the shorter guy.
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Old 10-26-2013, 11:17 AM
 
855 posts, read 1,381,561 times
Reputation: 930
Quote:
Originally Posted by StarshipU View Post
It's supposed to say "Shorter" in the title. But I apparently forgot how to English.

Okay, so I've hung out with this one guy a couple times that I met at work. And he's really fun to talk to, and he makes me laugh a lot, which is one of the main factors for me. However, he's a couple inches shorter than me. And I've always tried to not be a very shallow person, and I really don't want this to bother me, but the problem is that I'm so insecure about myself. I'm 5' 7", so a lot of guys are shorter than me, especially ones that are interested in me for some reason.

And I'm about average human-shaped, a little more, but I think I'm considered diamond-shaped? So it still sorta spreads enough to look average-y. But I also have large hands for a girl, possibly due to genetics from my dad and also growing up playing the piano. So, the idea of being with him is just awkward to me because he's like, smaller, lol. And there are a lot of other body issues as well, so I'm just uncomfortable in my own skin. So, I was wondering, does anyone have experience with dating shorter guys? Or advice on how to overcome insecurities?
Give him a try.

With age and experience you will learn that dating a shorter guy ultimately doesn't work for you or that a man's height has no significance whatsoever in the relationship. You have to learn what you like and dislike in a man.

Remember that your insecurities aren't his problem. If you`re too worried about what your friends will think about the height difference, you might lose out on a good guy.

Remember that he makes you laugh already. Is that not a desired trait in a man for a woman? Find out if his height works for you or not and take a chance on him. He took a chance on you because you haven`t said anything about him having a problem with you being taller.
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Old 10-26-2013, 12:08 PM
 
855 posts, read 1,381,561 times
Reputation: 930
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981 View Post
I am 5'7" myself. I just can't date anybody too short. 6'1" is perfect height for me.

Why do you feel insecure? You must have long legs. Man, I don't want to be short, that is for sure.

Just for the record, you are not SHALLOW just because you want your man to be tall. =)
Does this mean every other guy under 6'1 is flawed, too short and not worth dating to you?

She may not be shallow for wanting her man to be tall like you, but discarding quality guys because her own insecurities won't allow her to see other attractive features he has because he's not 6'1, IS SHALLOW. It's childish, princess syndrome behaviour if you ask me that some women don't grow out of.

It's one thing to have a preference, but it says more about ones character if you allow yourself to look past that. There are other qualities in a person not necessarily associated with your immediate physical preference that one should take into consideration before passing judgement. How you judge a person with or without serious investigation determines your level of shallowness in my book. The more you explore and find out what's real, the less shallow you are in my books.

I believe both sexes worry too much about peer acceptance, public image, self preservation, and the myths associated with sexual performance and compatibility when faced with the taller woman shorter man scenario in dating. I don't think there is a comparison between the dilemmas tall women face and the shortcomings that short men face. Tall women rarely if at all are accused of overcompensating for anything in life if they achieve what they desire. Shorter men are notoriously measured and graded against the behaviour of taller guys. The safest position for a short guy in life is to work hard but not outshine the taller guy. If he does, he's overcompensating for his shortness by their ignorant inferior beliefs.

I don't ignore my physical preferences in a mate but I certainly leave a whole lotta room to explore and give opportunity to others who don't. It's called being able to look past the outside surface of a person and not always using a clipboard to grade that person.
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Old 10-26-2013, 12:20 PM
 
17,869 posts, read 20,963,134 times
Reputation: 13949
lol. In the end, unless you're above-average in height, you cannot win in threads like this.

And if you are above-average height, the only response you can really give is "Thank God I''m 5'10+ so women will find me more acceptable!"

No matter what, even if you try to word your post in a non-shallow way, you're still going to come off as shallow because men absolutely cannot change there height. So, when I stopped growing at 5'7 or so, I became non-dating material for a lot of women just based on something that I am unable to change. It's a pretty terrible thing to think about, but I've known a lot of women who are more than willing to throw your shortcomings in a man's face because they are obvious.

But. in the end, people will tell you to play with the cards that are given to you, but when those cards aren't good enough, you have to start compensating, which isn't a good thing either because it's just too easy to come off as being too thick with those compensations and can easily come off as fake.

Only thing that's actually true to say is life is not fair, but you have to keep living it somehow.
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Old 10-26-2013, 12:42 PM
 
645 posts, read 1,273,757 times
Reputation: 1782
StarshipU:

I'm guilty of only reading the first page.

The real question is would he be ok with dating a woman who's larger? I am 6'3" and I'm bigger than average all over. I bring this up because two camps of people have flocked to me throughout my 48 years, and they would be women who like big men and men who are short in stature. despite my entire body being larger all over, I have disappointed a few women due to my lack of size in some areas. I've even been told as much, so I cringe in horror at what small men who're smaller than average must have heard! Like findly185 I'm inclined to agree with that poster's words on page 1.

I've had women cheerfully tell me how delightful it was that their big hands looked small on me. I've had a slew of 5'9" - 6'0" women tell me with great delight that they could wear heels and we wouldn't look awkward together. I've had a boatload of women tell me that I'm the perfect size, so I'm left wondering just how many women take issue with shorter men. I can't tell you how many 5'10" - 6'0" women have just came up to me, stood up tall and erect, eye balled me, and told me, "You'll do!"

Then there's the damaged souls. The men who're 5'6" and shorter. I cannot begin to explain how many pint sized friends I've had over the years and the damage it's caused them because of women who were vocal about the men's lack of height and "size." If both you and he are insecure about his height, it's been my personal experience that it causes emotional damage to the man. I pleaded with one man in particular because the woman he was dating was very vocal that she wanted men who were 6'2" and taller. He was just a tad under 5'4" and she was 5'9". His woman constantly made comments about how nice my size was when she stood next to me. She did this both in front of him and when he wasn't around. The woman obviously had a big man fetish, so I implored him to get rid of her. She eventually left him after a few years of marriage and cited his short stature and lack of "size" as the reason. I well remember how crushed he was when he found her BOB and it was twice the size of him.

I have heard short men bang on and on incessantly about how all women want men over 6'0". Once we were walking through the mall and my short friend was droning on and on about how all women want big guys. How I don't understand his little problem, and I'm so lucky to be 6'3"! Just then, we turned the corner, and there was this 6'0" woman with a man shorter than him, and this couple was holding hands as they walked. He just looked at me and said, "Shut up!" I heard countless little guys go on and on about the insecurities they have about their height, and I wasn't even dating them, which made me wonder just how often they sabotaged the relationship. Hence, if he's got an issue with women who're taller than him, I'd move on. It's not a lot of fun dating somebody who's going to continuously complain about some insecurity that they have, which neither party has any control over.

While my example was the worst case scenario, I've seen a lot of little men crushed by big women, pun intended... Hence, if you catch yourself secretly wanting more out of your little man, I'd suggest doing him and yourself a favor, and find a big guy. It could work, but only you know your innermost desires. It's obviously going to take a big girl to handle something that's so socially ingrained in both sexes.

I do not find your desires shallow. People like what they like! I'm very picky myself, and I'm now both older and poor, so it shouldn't come as any shock that I'm single and have been for more than ten years. I rarely date. I'd rather be single than with a woman I'm not compatible with physically, emotionally and doesn't share my common interests. Some people tell me my wants are shallow and ridiculous. I have tried to change them, but despite great effort, I have been largely unsuccessful. At least I've done a lot of women the great favor of not darkening their doors and showering them with an emotionally painful failed and bitter relationship!

Thanks for reading,
bolillo

Last edited by bolillo_loco; 10-26-2013 at 12:58 PM.. Reason: No Rhodes scholar here...
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Old 10-26-2013, 01:03 PM
 
457 posts, read 603,323 times
Reputation: 319
Quote:
Originally Posted by StarshipU View Post
It's supposed to say "Shorter" in the title. But I apparently forgot how to English.

Okay, so I've hung out with this one guy a couple times that I met at work. And he's really fun to talk to, and he makes me laugh a lot, which is one of the main factors for me. However, he's a couple inches shorter than me. And I've always tried to not be a very shallow person, and I really don't want this to bother me, but the problem is that I'm so insecure about myself. I'm 5' 7", so a lot of guys are shorter than me, especially ones that are interested in me for some reason.

And I'm about average human-shaped, a little more, but I think I'm considered diamond-shaped? So it still sorta spreads enough to look average-y. But I also have large hands for a girl, possibly due to genetics from my dad and also growing up playing the piano. So, the idea of being with him is just awkward to me because he's like, smaller, lol. And there are a lot of other body issues as well, so I'm just uncomfortable in my own skin. So, I was wondering, does anyone have experience with dating shorter guys? Or advice on how to overcome insecurities?
I can't believe how much women's brains are wired to worry about the power dynamic. Women who are tall should embrace their height and not be hung up on guy's height at all, unless it's significant (I can see a difference of 8-12 inches being significant, but two is nothing). Why is it guys aren't hung up on it but women are usually?
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Old 10-26-2013, 01:10 PM
 
27 posts, read 36,412 times
Reputation: 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by ngroh View Post
I can't believe how much women's brains are wired to worry about the power dynamic. Women who are tall should embrace their height and not be hung up on guy's height at all, unless it's significant (I can see a difference of 8-12 inches being significant, but two is nothing). Why is it guys aren't hung up on it but women are usually?
I don't think it's accurate to say that guys aren't hung up on it, after reading several of the posts in this very thread, lol. And I chalk it up to social norms, and so many things being shoved into people's faces about how they should be, which makes some like me more insecure than would be preferable.
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Old 10-26-2013, 01:15 PM
 
27 posts, read 36,412 times
Reputation: 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by shortnblack View Post
Give him a try.

With age and experience you will learn that dating a shorter guy ultimately doesn't work for you or that a man's height has no significance whatsoever in the relationship. You have to learn what you like and dislike in a man.

Remember that your insecurities aren't his problem. If you`re too worried about what your friends will think about the height difference, you might lose out on a good guy.

Remember that he makes you laugh already. Is that not a desired trait in a man for a woman? Find out if his height works for you or not and take a chance on him. He took a chance on you because you haven`t said anything about him having a problem with you being taller.
Well, as I think I said in the first, or at least one of the first posts, that humor is pretty much the main trait I desire, haha. And I don't know for sure if he has a problem with my height (or any other body issues) or not. He could be like me and just not have said anything yet. But I've already decided to let things just happen and see if it goes anywhere. I just mainly wanted advice or examples on how to feel more comfortable in this situation, when I'm so uncomfortable with myself in general, lol.
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Old 10-27-2013, 06:13 PM
 
Location: Up in the air
19,112 posts, read 30,580,565 times
Reputation: 16395
Quote:
Originally Posted by BradPiff View Post
How tall are you
6'1

Quote:
Originally Posted by StarshipU View Post
I'm sorry that he was too insecure himself! But it's good to know that at least you had the confidence. If you don't mind me asking, are you rather feminine in general? I'm just curious to know whether you're already feminine enough to be secure, or feeling feminine isn't an important issue with you?

I always make jokes with friends about how I'm not feminine, and I lived with three guys for a time, and always joked that I was the most masculine one of them (they were pretty girly though, haha). And I'm fine with things like that, but with the idea of becoming close to any type of guy, tall or short, whatever size, I feel like I'm supposed to be more feminine and dainty, which I'm just not. So, I end up feeling awkward when I ever try being like a girl, or even being treated like one, lol.
I know I'll never be considered 'feminine' enough by the vast majority of people, both men and women. I'm just not, and will never be, dainty, cute or petite. There is absolutely nothing I can do about that so why dwell on it too much? Sure, I go through spells where I get really irritated about it, especially when men laugh at me in public or people ask if I'm 'pre-op or post-op', but that's unfortunately the way the world works.

After 4 years of being completely single I've been dating someone for a few months that seems to actually like me so things are a bit better on that front.
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Old 10-28-2013, 02:55 PM
 
855 posts, read 1,381,561 times
Reputation: 930
Quote:
Originally Posted by StarshipU View Post
Well, as I think I said in the first, or at least one of the first posts, that humor is pretty much the main trait I desire, haha. And I don't know for sure if he has a problem with my height (or any other body issues) or not. He could be like me and just not have said anything yet. But I've already decided to let things just happen and see if it goes anywhere. I just mainly wanted advice or examples on how to feel more comfortable in this situation, when I'm so uncomfortable with myself in general, lol.
Good for you! The only way to find out if it works for you is to go for it! I really can't give you any concrete advice on how to be more comfortable with yourself. It comes within. Inner strength and confidence is a wonderful thing when you discover it and make it work for all aspects of your life, especially your relationships with people.

Good luck to you.
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