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Old 11-21-2007, 04:59 PM
 
672 posts, read 5,817,278 times
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I think marriage is absolutely realistic today, but I think the reasons for our high divorce rate are twofold: 1) some people choose their partners based on superficial criteria, such as how physically attractive that person is, instead of choosing their partner based on criteria such as intellectual compatibility, similar perspectives and outlook, and whether or not that person fulfills them emotionally. I think that people need to choose their partners more on emotional and intellectual compatibility than physical attraction/sexual compatibility. So many times I have heard people complain about not being able to find the right partner, when they're so incredibly focused on that person meeting their standards of physical attraction, and they seem to forget that other measures of compatibility may ensure a healthier relationship. Intellectual and emotional compatibility are the most important aspects to ensuring a good marriage, in my opinion.

and
2) I think that people don't use all the resources available to them in this modern day to seek out potential partners from as wide a dating pool as possible. Online dating and things like speed dating, etc., are wonderful ways to look for potential partners in a much wider dating pool than you can find by just sticking to the traditional places to meet other singles, like bars, etc. I would think that a person has a much better chance of finding someone who meets many of their criteria for a potential mate by going online and dating a lot of different people.

I am happily married to a man I met online, and so I'm a big advocate of online dating!
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Old 11-21-2007, 05:08 PM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,883 posts, read 30,185,296 times
Reputation: 19077
Quote:
Originally Posted by coldwine View Post
I think these days marriage isn't so realistic. It used to be that marriage was just a social contract that bartered away women as consideration for the things men inherited from unrelated males.

These days women are increasingly better educated and, again, increasingly more educated than men. The desire to marry, the need to marry, simply isn't there.

Relationships come and go. I myself work with men all day; the last thing I want to do is come home to one. Every so often one comes into my life and there's maybe a fling or something, but I don't think I've ever seriously entertained the idea of keeping a male around for any extended period of time. What would I do with it?
you just made me think of something....Mothers of sons have got to stop making their sons co-dependent on them...it seems llike a lot of mothers...raise their sons to believe that a wife is supposed to wait on them hand and foot...they say a lot of men marry their mothers and it is so true...NOT IN ALL CASES, but one of the reasons I stopped dating was b/c a lot of men who I met were so darned needy, to the point they wanted a wife no matter what and were willing to settle for anything, and they didn't care what I liked, who I was, what my beliefs were, etc. They just needed a woman to cook and clean for them. Now I do realize the upcoming generation is much different and there are a lot of men who can do these things...but,,,
calling all mothers of sons...dont' create a monster for the women he will someday marry....teach them to cook, clean, take out the trash...iron...especially you Italian moms....geeze louise....?????

Boy was my ex Italian, and real lazy....
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Old 11-21-2007, 05:10 PM
 
Location: southern california
61,289 posts, read 87,260,493 times
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under current law system a man would be A class fool to marry without a preneptual agreement. it is no longer a level playing field for guys. womens interest in sex plummets after kids, 60% 1x a week 30% 1 time a month.
also adultery is at 50% (not entirely a guy thing anymore)
divorce is not 50% across the country, its 75% in LA area.
the question is----- guy---- are you feeling lucky?
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Old 11-21-2007, 05:22 PM
 
Location: Zebulon, NC
2,275 posts, read 6,298,666 times
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I didn't get married until I was 39. Until I met my husband, I had no desire whatsoever to be married. I was happily single, enjoying my life. Hell, I didn't even date for seven years!

Once I met my husband, though, all bets were off. We both just knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. It's truly the easiest relationship I've ever been in. No game playing, none of the BS I had experienced before.

I frequently hear the phrase that you have to work at a marriage for it to succeed. I don't completely agree. I think the most important thing for a marriage to succeed is communication. Never assume your spouse knows what you're thinking. Tell them. Never hold things in to the point you explode one day over something trivial. Talk to your spouse if something's on your mind, or something is bothering you. Don't wait until you're so angry you can't think coherently.

Above all, think before you speak. Hurtful things can be said in the heat of an argument, and you can't unring that bell.

I've never felt like my marriage is work. Yes, we've had some difficult times (death of a parent, issues with his ex-wife, etc.), but we've always leaned on each other and never taken anything out on the other.

So yes, marriage is definitely realistic for me, but not marriage to just anybody - marriage to the man I was lucky enough to find. I was happy before I met my husband, but I'm happier now than I ever could have imagined.
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Old 11-21-2007, 06:05 PM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,883 posts, read 30,185,296 times
Reputation: 19077
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bunky39 View Post
under current law system a man would be A class fool to marry without a preneptual agreement. it is no longer a level playing field for guys. womens interest in sex plummets after kids, 60% 1x a week 30% 1 time a month.
also adultery is at 50% (not entirely a guy thing anymore)
divorce is not 50% across the country, its 75% in LA area.
the question is----- guy---- are you feeling lucky?
well bunky, I beg to differ, sex doesn't have to plummet if both are concerned for pleasing the other, but yes it does, and when it does....there sometimes is more to a marriage then sex...believe me..oh, don't get me wrong, it's a great fringe benefit, but it isn't all about sex...for sure.

but you made a very good point...
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Old 11-21-2007, 06:07 PM
 
Location: Naptowne, Alaska
15,603 posts, read 39,745,314 times
Reputation: 14890
After going 16 years without...getting married and having sex one time a week would be awesome to me! You won't hear me complaining.
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Old 11-21-2007, 09:15 PM
 
Location: in drifts of snow wherever you go
2,493 posts, read 4,384,925 times
Reputation: 692
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
you just made me think of something....Mothers of sons have got to stop making their sons co-dependent on them...it seems llike a lot of mothers...raise their sons to believe that a wife is supposed to wait on them hand and foot...they say a lot of men marry their mothers and it is so true...NOT IN ALL CASES, but one of the reasons I stopped dating was b/c a lot of men who I met were so darned needy, to the point they wanted a wife no matter what and were willing to settle for anything, and they didn't care what I liked, who I was, what my beliefs were, etc. They just needed a woman to cook and clean for them. Now I do realize the upcoming generation is much different and there are a lot of men who can do these things...but,,,
Hey, some widowers will marry the first woman who shows up with a hot casserole...
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Old 11-21-2007, 09:17 PM
 
Location: in drifts of snow wherever you go
2,493 posts, read 4,384,925 times
Reputation: 692
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bunky39 View Post
under current law system a man would be A class fool to marry without a preneptual agreement. it is no longer a level playing field for guys. womens interest in sex plummets after kids, 60% 1x a week 30% 1 time a month.
also adultery is at 50% (not entirely a guy thing anymore)
divorce is not 50% across the country, its 75% in LA area.
the question is----- guy---- are you feeling lucky?
That's right, Bunky.... Mr. McCartney has taught us all a very big lesson!
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Old 11-21-2007, 10:15 PM
 
4,050 posts, read 6,130,012 times
Reputation: 1574
Quote:
Originally Posted by Claire_F View Post
...I think the most important thing for a marriage to succeed is communication. Never assume your spouse knows what you're thinking. Tell them. Never hold things in to the point you explode one day over something trivial. Talk to your spouse if something's on your mind, or something is bothering you. Don't wait until you're so angry you can't think coherently.

Above all, think before you speak. Hurtful things can be said in the heat of an argument, and you can't unring that bell. ...
Thanks for your post. I think this is really good advice, not just for marriages but family members in general and for friendships as well.
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Old 11-21-2007, 11:25 PM
 
Location: USA
4,978 posts, read 9,500,070 times
Reputation: 2506
I think I gave up. I reallized a long time ago there aren't a lot of single men my age, so it doesn't matter what you are, or what you're like, or what you look like, or how you approach life.
There aren't single men walking up to single women in grocery stores and there aren't single men at work unless they are 24 years old.
I realized there isn't going to be someone to share all this with, and frankly, it all is getting really old. The last few on Match.com really turned my stomach with their pompous arrogance. I am tired of hearing from men how there are so many women for them to pick from. It may be true, but it is really insulting.
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