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Oh, I don't know. My husband's best friend was a female. After he moved to Montreal to be with me, he told me he missed her. I sent him packing. Literally.
I told him to go back to NY and spend a few days with her. I didn't think I should tag along because I'd be a third wheel and they needed a chance to catch up.
It's called trust.
He could have written something else and then deleted it
this is what happened
Quote:
Originally Posted by srnyong
but he probably would have been more careful to have his phone on his body instead of in the kitchen?
he eff'ed up
Quote:
Originally Posted by srnyong
She didn't review every single text message on his phone, should she? (under her "no secrets" agreement)?
she could get a copy of the phone bill. there is a log of all outgoing text messages. when she looks through the convo with this "friend" she will be able to tell if he's cleaning out the evidence
Quote:
Originally Posted by srnyong
a few months ago, started asking her husband to 1-1 activities and excluded my friend (and also excluded her own husband)
best case scenario, these two used to screw before the marriage and he's enjoying the ego/nostalgia trip while this chick pines after him - but not actually cheating. pretty crummy. i'd wager he's cheating though
Well if he has a "no secrets" marriage, he would be pretty stupid to be in a relationship with someone else and have them text, but I have heard of more stupid things than that. The part of the message that would concern me is the "alone" part. If she said she missed seeing him I would be alerted but not as concerned as her saying she missed spending time ALONE with him.
Oh, I don't know. My husband's best friend was a female. After he moved to Montreal to be with me, he told me he missed her. I sent him packing. Literally.
I told him to go back to NY and spend a few days with her. I didn't think I should tag along because I'd be a third wheel and they needed a chance to catch up.
It's called trust.
The slight difference here is that your husband was upfront and honest with you. You had the option to go. This woman sent a private text message with :-( and planned 1-1 outings purposely excluding both spouses.
The slight difference here is that your husband was upfront and honest with you. You had the option to go. This woman sent a private text message with :-( and planned 1-1 outings purposely excluding both spouses.
1. If this is truly a friend, and not "a friend" (ie: you), then you should step aside now and let them handle their own problems.
2. I think it's totally possible that she said "yes" I am running, and "I miss spending time alone with you" is possible, too, considering that they have been asked to curtail.
a. Could be cheating
b. Could be someone who had a good friend and someone to bounce stuff off of, that is sad because they lost that.
c. We really don't know.
If I were the "friend", I'd tell the hubby to make is stop. I would not lay an ultimatum, I'd simply say that I'm not comfy with it, and ask him to do the right thing.
(FWIW, I had a female friend who I traveled with for work a lot. We did a lot of stuff together on business trips, including going out to bars and having a good time in really cool places like NYC and other fun cities. There was NEVER any cheating going on, and I was always open and honest with my wife about the fun we had together. At one point, my wife said it was starting to make her uncomfy. I doubted her at first, but she said "imagine if I'd do the same thing with my boss on a trip, how would you feel?" I got the point she was making, and I ended it. The moral of this story is, without accusation, we had a mature discussion, and the problem was solved. My wife was my priority, so I did the right thing. Had I have done otherwise, it would have been different, I'm sure.) <--too bad we couldn't be this mature about other things. We're divorced now, but for other reasons. Trust was never an issue, and there was never any infidelity.
LOL wow! Just because she sent that doesn't mean he cheated. He's probably dedicated to his wife and no longer hangs out with the female friend who has the hots for him.
(FWIW, I had a female friend who I traveled with for work a lot. We did a lot of stuff together on business trips, including going out to bars and having a good time in really cool places like NYC and other fun cities. There was NEVER any cheating going on, and I was always open and honest with my wife about the fun we had together. At one point, my wife said it was starting to make her uncomfy. I doubted her at first, but she said "imagine if I'd do the same thing with my boss on a trip, how would you feel?" I got the point she was making, and I ended it.
Thanks for your candid input.
Question about your situation: I understand nothing romantic was going on. What if after you "ended it," your female friend sent you a text out of the blue stating, "I miss spending time with you alone :-( " How would you interpret this?
How would your then wife have taken it?
Would you have shown the text to your wife?
To all of the married women out there: What if you saw the following text message on your husband's phone?
"Yes, I miss spending time alone with you. :-( " - Text message from a platonic female friend of your husband.
Asking for a friend who saw this message on her husband's phone. Message was from a long time platonic female married friend of her husband.
Friend was in the kitchen when her husband's iPhone beeped and she saw this message on the screen. She confronted her husband immediately and his defense was 1) He couldn't control what the female friend said, and 2) His text to her was, "Are you running in the 5K race tomorrow?"
She has one of those "no secrets" marriage. They have a mutual agreement that they can look at each others phone / email / Facebook / everything anytime they wish.
I have a long-time platonic female friend; for 20 years now. She is one of my best friends of all-time, the closest thing I have to a sister, and if she said she missed spending time alone with me I would not assume she was talking about hanky panky....because that never has happened between us...not even kissing.
Sigh. You mentioned her marriage was on the rocks. Could it be that your male friend here is her confidant, the person she could turn to for "man advice" outside of her husband? Could it be that the "alone time" she mentioned was in regards to such conversations?
Quote:
Originally Posted by srnyong
She didn't review every single text message on his phone, should she? (under her "no secrets" agreement)?
I dunno...it could help ease her mind, but it could also open up a can of worms...I've been there, done that. The problem with text messages is that they are only small parts of larger conversations. When you read the text thread, there is a heckofalot of missing information. It is too easy to jump to erroneous conclusions.
Quote:
Originally Posted by srnyong
He could have written something else and then deleted it, but he probably would have been more careful to have his phone on his body instead of in the kitchen?
Sure, he could delete texts, but if he was up to suspicious activity, he more-than-likely would have instinctively tried to "hide" his phone...and as an iPhone user he is aware that new messages pop up on the lock-screen for all to see. It's a huge leap-of-faith for him to trust this other woman would not send anything dubious.
Quote:
Originally Posted by srnyong
She has a terrible gut feeling about this "platonic friend." In her opinion, this friend is in a miserable marriage of her own, & a few months ago, started asking her husband to 1-1 activities and excluded my friend (and also excluded her own husband). After these 1-1 activities became a regular weekly scheduled activity, my friend told her husband "no more 1-1 activities" with female friends. Any activities needed to include friend's husband and/or her (my friend).
My guess is that she is insecure, perhaps has some baggage, and they "no secrets" aspect is her agreement....perhaps initiated by him to help squash any doubts; to ease her mind.
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Originally Posted by oceangaia
Geez, no wonder so many here are lonely and single. All these declarations that he is cheating or thinking about it are silly. If they used to be close friends then it seems natural that they would occasionally miss elements of that. It doesn't mean they regret their current relationships though. Sounds to me like this other woman was just feeling a moment of nostalgia.
Yup, welcome to the Relationships forum. The place where I caught my husband briefly looking at the "hot" cashier yesterday is met with Oh my God! He is so cheating on you! I would dump his sorry behind immediately!
Invite the other woman and her husband over for dinner. When the four of you are sitting around talking and laughing, bring it up very casually. Say to the woman's husband, "If I didn't know any better, I would think something was going on between these two!" Laugh, pour another glass of wine and change the subject. Do NOT bring it up again.
This will do a couple of things.
It will give the woman a "heads-up" that I'm watching you and I'm not afraid to bring it up in front of everyone.
It will also bring it to the attention of her husband. Maybe if he has seen something that seems off, he will approach you about it and you can compare notes.
However, you are doing all of this in a very casual, non-threatening manner.
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