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I wouldn't say it'll be 5 years (or anywhere near that) but you're taking a big risk if you count on her at this point in the grieving process. You can stay in contact with her by just talking to her, or texting her or facebook, or whatever you kids do these days. :P
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Originally Posted by salyerj
srjth- Thanks for the input. However, why would she think I was unsure about how serious I was? I've initiated hanging out three times.
Because she asked you if you were out at the bar. And you don't text her much. And you manipulated her into kissing you, even though she wasn't feeling it on her own.
If I were you I would call and leave a voicemail if necessary and tell you that you realized after the fact that what you suggested (the cemetary) was insensitive but it was not intentional and you are sorry that you upset her.
I would also tell her that anytime she wants to go for a walk or chat or go for ice cream to give you a call and you will do your best to be available.
Tell her you had fun when you were able to spend time with her, then leave it at that.
Okay, fair enough. She isn't ready for dating. So how can I stay in contact with her? Should I stay in contact with her? If not, what do I say? Do I say that it isn't best for us to be talking, that I am interested in getting to know her more, and that she should contact me when she's in a better place? Basically, what should my text be? Or do I just not text her back at all? I'm planning on texting her something in a couple of days.
You both attend the same college and the both of you will be there for a few years so it doesn't hurt to maintain some level of contact. But don't wait for her to 'recover' and forego any opportunity for a relationship with someone else. When she is ready, she'll be ready but keep in mind that she may not want you when that occurs.
CSD610- I'll try that approach. I'll leave a voicemail in a couple of days and apologize and say that I'll try to be available if she is interested in talking or going on a walk. If we ever hang out again, I'll still be flirty, but will tone it back a bit.
Do you think the cemetery comment is enough for her to never want to see me again?
You both attend the same college and the both of you will be there for a few years so it doesn't hurt to maintain some level of contact. But don't wait for her to 'recover' and forego any opportunity for a relationship with someone else. When she is ready, she'll be ready but keep in mind that she may not want you when that occurs.
[keep your options open]
I agree. She may not like that he moves on, but she has to accept that she's not ready yet and can't hold him up.
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Originally Posted by NilaJones
I find it is best to estimate high. Yes, it could be two years. Still not next month.
Everyone is different in terms of how long they need to heal. Some may just take months, some may take years. I know people who would never wait even 1 month and you can't make them either.
CSD610- I'll try that approach. I'll leave a voicemail in a couple of days and apologize and say that I'll try to be available if she is interested in talking or going on a walk. If we ever hang out again, I'll still be flirty, but will tone it back a bit.
Do you think the cemetery comment is enough for her to never want to see me again?
Honestly, it is impossible to say how she is going to act on any of this.
She is grieving and there are many levels of grief and everyone has their own timing when it comes to grief, when it hits fully, what level they are, how they handle it and when they can move forward.
All I can tell you is that she is more than likely not as ready to get out into the world as much as she thought she was and it really is not you at all.
Just leave the invitation open for her to contact you if she wants to, then the ball is in her court and you have done your best to apologize and keep the lines of communication open.
Time will tell you what she is going to do and nothing more than time is going to tell you that for sure.
Welllllll.... if you are ok with not seeing her boobs for 5 years, and with her crying on your shoulder for 2 years about her dead bf, and then going out and banging some random guys but not you, then be her friend. But even after the 5 years she might feel that you remind her too much of that bad time in her life.
Your best bet is probably to just be her facebook friend, and say hey when you run into her at parties or the grocery store. That way you can probably keep the shoulder crying to a minimum, and you might know when she is ready to date. In 5 years.
Amazingly enough he appears to be more interested in hurting her with the cemetary walk suggestion than seeing her boobs which is quite refreshing for such a young man.
Honestly, it is impossible to say how she is going to act on any of this.
She is grieving and there are many levels of grief and everyone has their own timing when it comes to grief, when it hits fully, what level they are, how they handle it and when they can move forward.
All I can tell you is that she is more than likely not as ready to get out into the world as much as she thought she was and it really is not you at all.
Just leave the invitation open for her to contact you if she wants to, then the ball is in her court and you have done your best to apologize and keep the lines of communication open.
Time will tell you what she is going to do and nothing more than time is going to tell you that for sure.
Thank you again. I feel a bit better that it might not be me that messed up the situation. The situation itself is just not ideal. I'll leave the line of communication open. If she wants to reach out to me, she can. I am genuinely interested in her as a person. I'm not looking to just get some quick action. Yes, I am physically attracted to her, but I'm a serious relationship type of guy.
She's not dating material, at the moment. Don't make her life more difficult.
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