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Another piece of advice that is weird, but I found it amazingly helpful when I started using it years ago.If you don't know if what you're texting her is needy or coming off as clingy / weak puppy doggish, imagine if that text or conversation was posted on the jumbotron at a baseball game, or any stadium for that matter. Would you cringe with embarrasment? Would other guys cringe? If you wouldn't be comfortable with it up on the jumbotron, then you shouldn't send it.
The last three women i've dated pretty seriously have shown signs of wanting a relationship. They all seem very attracted and we have great intimate times, whether it be a fancy dinner or a great day with dinner and movies.
I feel the problem is that I'm not picking up the signs. They always tell me in the beginning that they just got out of relationship and are not looking for another right away. I tell them that's fine and express how much I enjoy our times together and eventually can see us having a relationship. Everything seems to be on the up and up from there and all of a sudden she doesn't reply to my calls or texts like she used to.
My question is, am I waiting too many calendar dates to make my move towards a relationship when the feelings are fresh or is this girl simply not into me that way from the beginning?
Why don't you work on your listening skills? The ladies tell you up front they are not ready for a relationship but you nevertheless pursue them as romantic interest.? Why? They told you they ere not ready, didn't they?
^^^This. Or maybe she's dating three of you at the same time, like a poster last week. Seriously though, I think many of us are guilty of getting involved with someone we shouldn't, or think that "love" can overcome whatever issue they're having. You're not alone, but I really would listen to Faith's suggestions here.
When I started dating again, I enjoyed the dating. The going out to dinner, the fun.
But over time, I learned that some people really really like the concept of dating. The free meals, the entertaining, the casual intimacy. But sometimes they like the dating, but they aren't ready for intimacy, or they aren't emotionally ready for a relationship.
Therefore, I had to modify my behavior. I no longer look at dating as a path. Now it is an experience. I enjoy the experience for the moment. But I know full well, there is high probability that we won't get past date one, and perhaps date 2, and perhaps date 3 and so on.
Furthermore, I no longer wine and dine, until at least the 3rd date. I love experiencing nice, fun, new restaurants, but I realized I like experiencing that stuff with someone I care about more than the wine-and-dine-trying-to-impress-a-woman-experience. But, some guys love the impress-the-woman-experience, the chase.
Not me.
Now, date one is typically a coffee or drink meet-up, date two may be a fun activity, like mini golf or something kinda silly like that, and IF she's cool, and seems like she likes me for me and not likes-me-for-entertainment, we will do dinner date. But truth is, at that point, I would rather invite her over and cook an awesome meal and relax at my place than go to a lot of restaurants, unless I have a specific taste for something.
Some women are upfront with their intentions to date with an eye on a long term relationship. Start dating these women.
Otherwise, you are leaving it up to chance as to whether that is her goal. As AverageGuy has detailed, many may be dating just for the fun of dating without any long term expectation.
You're picking the wrong girls. There is nothing wrong with wanting a relationship. Plenty of girls want one, even most.
That's exactly correct. If you keep finding women with the same hang ups and issues it's time to re-evaluate your selection process. I, myself, had to step back for a time and do exactly that and discovered I was just as much a part of this party and the other person.The only other options are finding a good therapist and learning a good game of chess.
I feel the problem is that I'm not picking up the signs. They always tell me in the beginning that they just got out of relationship and are not looking for another right away.
That's not a "sign." That's them flat-out telling you. It seems you're only seeing the "not right away" part, and assuming that to mean they will want one with you eventually. I would encourage you to focus more on the "not looking for another" part. It sounds like you're playing the role of rebound guy.
The last three women i've dated pretty seriously have shown signs of wanting a relationship. They all seem very attracted and we have great intimate times, whether it be a fancy dinner or a great day with dinner and movies.
I feel the problem is that I'm not picking up the signs. They always tell me in the beginning that they just got out of relationship and are not looking for another right away. I tell them that's fine and express how much I enjoy our times together and eventually can see us having a relationship. Everything seems to be on the up and up from there and all of a sudden she doesn't reply to my calls or texts like she used to.
My question is, am I waiting too many calendar dates to make my move towards a relationship when the feelings are fresh or is this girl simply not into me that way from the beginning?
Like what the other posters said, you need to learn to listen better but thats a learned skill. Like guys who use woman for sex, ladies can use men for etc.
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Seriously though, I think many of us are guilty of getting involved with someone we shouldn't, or think that "love" can overcome whatever issue they're having. You're not alone, but I really would listen to Faith's suggestions here.
