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Hey,
I hope I am posting this in the right place and this will be long and may sound a bit immature so I apologise but I need some advice, I need to get this out there.
This time last year I was struggling very badly with anxiety and depression, I joined a mental health forum and I met this guy (I'm 19, he's 21) there who I became very close to, we would help each other out and talk about our problems, skype etc (we're both real people) and after a while I suppose we started to like each other.
He used to live quite far away from me but he recently moved to a city near me for University (I wasn't the reason he moved closer, it's just that was the Uni he got into). Well we were supposed to meet up but before we did he told me something that put me off him. He told me he met this other girl on the same forum recently (after he'd moved near me) and had sex with her. I know it's not my place to be upset about it and I wasn't really upset at the fact he had sex with her. I felt more like that's probably all he wants from me when we meet up or what he must have been expecting. I also felt like he obviously didn't care about my feelings since I had told him I liked him by telling me about what happened or the way in which he told me. It kind of made me feel like maybe I'm not as special to this person as they made out I was.
I have since removed myself from that forum, he told me that he still really wants to meet me and he tells me all these nice things about myself, that he really likes me, we still text each other but I just think wtf? You don't even know me in real life, everything that you're saying is a load of c*** basically, just trying to make me feel 'special'. I bet you tell the other girl exactly the same thing!.... That's what I think all the time and it's ridiculous!
I have told him that I would like to be his friend but I think he wants more and I'm terrible at turning people down, I normally end up just running away from them or ignoring them until they end up hating me. The reason why I'm taking this so seriously is because I genuinely like this guy and I feel like it would be a horrible thing to do just to ignore him.
I know this sounds big headed of me but I am not an ''unattractive'' person, I get plenty of attention in the ''real world'' but I felt like I clicked with this guy, especially about my depression and I suppose because I was a bit vulnerable I became attached to him. I've never had an online friendship/relationship before, it's a bit alien to me. That is why I feel like an idiot and even reading this back makes me cringe.
I suppose what I want to know is how do I move on from him without hurting his feelings? I really want to put this all behind me. I really want to meet a nice guy, someone who doesn't remind me of my depression and someone who respects my feelings I suppose.
Or am I just being incredibly over dramatic about it all?
In real life things happen and life goes on.
There was no being a couple so why in the world would you be upset?
Sixth graders "like" each other, friends "like" each other, mature adults state clearly that they are interested in someone romantically, they don't just assume that telling someone they "like" them means that someone understands that they want to be more than friends.
His life is his to do what he wants with and if he met someone else and had sex with her then he met someone else and had sex with her and owes you nothing as far as an explaination goes.
I am curious why he would even mention it though, bragging, looking for a specific reaction from you?
I suppose what I want to know is how do I move on from him without hurting his feelings? I really want to put this all behind me. I really want to meet a nice guy, someone who doesn't remind me of my depression and someone who respects my feelings I suppose.
Or am I just being incredibly over dramatic about it all?
Please be gentle with me!
Thank you!
Tell him the truth. Then move on. He'll get over it.
He used to live quite far away from me but he recently moved to a
city near me for University (I wasn't the reason he moved closer, it's just that
was the Uni he got into). Well we were supposed to meet up but before we did he
told me something that put me off him. He told me he met this other girl on the
same forum recently (after he'd moved near me) and had sex with her. I know it's
not my place to be upset about it and I wasn't really upset at the fact he had
sex with her. I felt more like that's probably all he wants from me when we meet
up or what he must have been expecting. I also felt like he obviously didn't
care about my feelings since I had told him I liked him by telling me about what
happened or the way in which he told me. It kind of made me feel like maybe I'm
not as special to this person as they made out I was
I'm not following. Did you have a arrangement whereby you had a commitment to each other to be exclusive?
Hey,
I hope I am posting this in the right place and this will be long and may sound a bit immature so I apologise but I need some advice, I need to get this out there.
This time last year I was struggling very badly with anxiety and depression, I joined a mental health forum and I met this guy (I'm 19, he's 21) there who I became very close to, we would help each other out and talk about our problems, skype etc (we're both real people) and after a while I suppose we started to like each other.
He used to live quite far away from me but he recently moved to a city near me for University (I wasn't the reason he moved closer, it's just that was the Uni he got into). Well we were supposed to meet up but before we did he told me something that put me off him. He told me he met this other girl on the same forum recently (after he'd moved near me) and had sex with her. I know it's not my place to be upset about it and I wasn't really upset at the fact he had sex with her. I felt more like that's probably all he wants from me when we meet up or what he must have been expecting. I also felt like he obviously didn't care about my feelings since I had told him I liked him by telling me about what happened or the way in which he told me. It kind of made me feel like maybe I'm not as special to this person as they made out I was.
I have since removed myself from that forum, he told me that he still really wants to meet me and he tells me all these nice things about myself, that he really likes me, we still text each other but I just think wtf? You don't even know me in real life, everything that you're saying is a load of c*** basically, just trying to make me feel 'special'. I bet you tell the other girl exactly the same thing!.... That's what I think all the time and it's ridiculous!
I have told him that I would like to be his friend but I think he wants more and I'm terrible at turning people down, I normally end up just running away from them or ignoring them until they end up hating me. The reason why I'm taking this so seriously is because I genuinely like this guy and I feel like it would be a horrible thing to do just to ignore him.
I know this sounds big headed of me but I am not an ''unattractive'' person, I get plenty of attention in the ''real world'' but I felt like I clicked with this guy, especially about my depression and I suppose because I was a bit vulnerable I became attached to him. I've never had an online friendship/relationship before, it's a bit alien to me. That is why I feel like an idiot and even reading this back makes me cringe.
I suppose what I want to know is how do I move on from him without hurting his feelings? I really want to put this all behind me. I really want to meet a nice guy, someone who doesn't remind me of my depression and someone who respects my feelings I suppose.
Or am I just being incredibly over dramatic about it all?
Please be gentle with me!
Thank you!
Well, it seems what has put you off is the fact that he had sex with someone else from the forum. We don't know anything about him, but perhaps you have a feeling that he may be a little off kilter, and now you're not sure about his motives?
I guess you could feel a little betrayed by what he did, since you had feelings for him. No it's not weird.
If you agree to meet him, it's going to be harder to back away later. Consider your safety and sanity first. Write him a nice letter and simply tell him you've moved on. Then move on. Don't respond to him afterwards.
Or am I just being incredibly over dramatic about it all?
Please be gentle with me!
Thank you!
Yes, you are being overly dramatic. From what I read you didn't have an exclusive relationship at all, and liking someone isn't a commitment on your part either. So he had sex with someone else. Why he felt the need to tell you is curious, but perhaps he is just an open book. If you think every guy you might ever get involved with won't have had sex with someone else you are seriously kidding yourself. If it's a deal breaker for you then end it and move on. Otherwise get over it and focus on your relationship with him, not someone else's.
yes, you are being overly dramatic. From what i read you didn't have an exclusive relationship at all, and liking someone isn't a commitment on your part either. So he had sex with someone else. Why he felt the need to tell you is curious, but perhaps he is just an open book. If you think every guy you might ever get involved with won't have had sex with someone else you are seriously kidding yourself. If it's a deal breaker for you then end it and move on. Otherwise get over it and focus on your relationship with him, not someone else's.
Yes, you are being overly dramatic. From what I read you didn't have an exclusive relationship at all, and liking someone isn't a commitment on your part either. So he had sex with someone else. Why he felt the need to tell you is curious, but perhaps he is just an open book. If you think every guy you might ever get involved with won't have had sex with someone else you are seriously kidding yourself. If it's a deal breaker for you then end it and move on. Otherwise get over it and focus on your relationship with him, not someone else's.
Thank you, that's what I needed to hear! lol I would rep you but I can't as I'm new...
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