in love with someone you never met.. (marriages, girls, cheating)

[Pikantari]

This is how I feel about it.I have talked to so many people that grew to love the people they love through MAIL

Thats right...mail, not e mail. I am speaking of the people of the distant past, the people of the WW2 era. These men went off to war, PEN PALS, never meeting the woman on the other end of the paper, both of them falling in love with one another, without having ever met.

Can you imagine how many soldiers that happened to, maybe even some of our soldiers now.

So why not WRITING to eachother through e mail, on this forum, wherever?

Why can't it happen? When you write to one another you learn so much about the person in time, or when you talk to them on the phone.

You find out about the person. their heart, their soul. How many people have found out about me on here? I am not saying you love me...lol...

For me to leap my hurdles, I share my story. Be it my story of losing my mother, or my father, my marriage, whatever. I have met many many people here on just this forum, who I consider true friends. I have met in person one of the people, and talk to a couple. I consider them some of the best friends I have.

Never do any of us have to worry about impressing one another, but we care about one another, we care about eachothers feelings.

I have to believe that if people can find true friendships, as I have here on city-data, that people can find true love, without ever having met the person.

I have to agree with my friend Rance ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

[Cosmic]

Here I am in love with Gloria, Sally, Jane, Mary, Jean, Gail, Martha and all the rest of them. Probably in the thousands if I could just count them.

But a sad story. They are all just in lust and keep sending those naked pixs, lingerie, checks and flowers. Plus why do they all just want to meet under some bridge somewhere, aren't I worth more than that?????

It gets worse, lots of them only send airline tickets and want you immediately. Very lil prelims or getting to know them or their family history. These ladies these dazes probably have more than one dude on the hook and will throw themselves at the feet of the nearest one. Just another day in the big city and this need for closeness. Should hugging be allowed on the first meeting or should I just make them beg???? Is it legal to do this in Florida. (I hope so).

The sad part is I truly do love them all. Even if they are all just electronic bits. One very successful one from out west, sezs she will be in my hometown in a few weeks and wants to get together. Now I just have to find a suitable bridge to make a nice nest under. Maybe she will buy a house just for the two of us.

The Web just makes this type of activity too easy for these types of ladies.

[katie45]

A person can mentally fantasize about anything; and be in love with love. But to truly, deeply fall in love with someone, it takes time getting to know each other (face to face) and knowing that it's not lust, or pretend love, but the real thing.

[pirate girl]

Originally Posted by Cosmic

Here I am in love with Gloria, Sally, Jane, Mary, Jean, Gail, Martha and all the rest of them. Probably in the thousands if I could just count them.

You forgot to mention Pirate Girl Don't you love me?

[Songbird42]

A couple of years ago, my friend met a guy on a internet board, they wrote back and forth, then phone calls, he was honest with her, told her he was married, children, but after 40 yrs, he wasn't in love with his wife anymore, he was on disability and sat at home all day while his wife worked at the trade center in NYC, he almost lost her on 9/11 and claimed to everyone on the internet how much he loved and cherished his wife, my friend saw this and told him to stop whatever he was doing with her and stay and be loyal to his wife of 40+ years. He wouldn't hear of it, and continued to be in contact with my friend who was not married at the time, when she started to see someone else, he had a fit, now remember, he's married,she's single and he tormented her everyday, you can't do this to me, I love you, I'll find a way to be with you, I don't want to hurt her.........on and on it went for months, my friend was ready for a breakdown, she loved him with all her heart, she flew to meet him and they hit it off really well, he wasn't a jerk or weirdo, he was intelligent, had a degree in finance, she had a background check on him and felt safe, he hadn't lied about anything, everything he told her was the truth, she wanted a life with him, but he wouldn't leave his wife
was afraid of what the family would say and so forth, in the end he just stopped writing, never called, she was devastated and months later, she died of a broken heart, he never sent a sympathy card or anything to her family
he's still with the wife.

Yes, she was lonely, she had found someone to fill her empty days, and they talked for 6/8 hours at a time, with her picking up the bill of course, he couldn't make phone calls or his wife would suspect. She even wanted to move to where he lived out of state, and he said don't you dare. Was he a control person? Did he even care? I think he did, but he got into a situation that was hard to get out of. A sad situation for both of them. I think that they would have made it, if he had the guts to leave his wife and not think about what everyone would have said. But that's my own opinion.

[Huckleberry3911948]

yes i do and yes i have. actuallly ive bumped it up a notch. i have fallen for somebody who was present but did not fit my mental perception of who i imaged them to be.
the person i had fallen in love with was utterly fiction and purely in my head, and bore no resemblance to the person standing in front of me whatsoever.
however i am getting better.
i have joined love fools anonymous (LFA)
a 12 step self help program for people that feel that their lives
have become unmanagement and want
to stop falling in love with utter strangers
to get back some sort of judgement ability
to become the hopeful hunters that we are
precious and free
please take moment to say an affirmation with me
i am good enough
i am smart enough
and doggonit people like me

[acors]

Originally Posted by SmerkyGrl

I have once fallen for that scam. It is a shameful story I have been reluctant to tell even through the anonymity of the internet.

I was a shy, yet hopeful teenage Asian girl that didn't have too many friends and wasn't the most popular in school. I lost myself in art and music...and being the stupid little teenager at the time, it was all about the spice girls, bon jovi, and a certain boyband which I will not name. I was the boyband-that-shall-not-be-named's biggest fan. I had a fanpage. I had all their CDs. I participated on fan forums.

I'm not sure if it was through sheer luck or because I was so fanatical I fell into the "inner circle" but one of the members of the band and I came into contact through a mutual friend that I'd met through the fan forums. We became friends. Naturally, I had doubt because I knew how many posers were out there that wanted to pretend they were one of the members of the band--whether for their own amusement or for their ego.

The member of the band and I ended up getting very close. He had a way with words (sweet, empty nothings that 14 year olds would tell each other) that made my naive self swoon , despite a nagging feeling that I should not participate in any of what I was doing. We got to know each other beyond just the "friend of a friend" level and started sharing our thoughts and dreams with each other. I would occasionally tease him to call me or visit me to "prove" that it was really him. He never came because at the time he was always busy on tour, jumping from one country to another. But one night, he called me and proved that it really was him. I was ecstatic, it really was him and I wasn't being fooled all these years. Except I was wrong. I was being fooled...though not about his identity.

We developed feelings for each other. It was oh-so-sweet and I thought perhaps one day we would meet and become a real boyfriend/girlfriend couple. Perhaps one day...but not anytime yet because their record label demanded that they present themselves as "single" to appeal to their fanbase of a gazillion screaming fanatical girls.

Nonetheless, he never came and visit me because he was always "busy". I, unfortunate with strict parents that didn't believe in rock concerts, was never able to go to one of his shows, even though he had one about 3 hours away from where I lived. We used the internet and sometimes phone as our means of communication and developed deeper feelings for each other.

And then one day, I came across a picture. We had long told each other we considered each other our 'significant other'. When I came across this picture, I was beyond shocked. It was him. Kissing another girl. He told me I was the only one. I was heartbroken.

I confronted him about it. He apologized and said that I was "never there". I told him he could have come visit me but he never did and then perhaps my parents would see that he wasn't just a figment of my imagination. He apologized and swore he loved me and it was nothing but an innocent kiss caught on camera by a nosy fan at a bad time. Foolishly, I believed him. How foolish I was.

Things were okay for a while. We reconnected again but this time around he seemed to be less "available". It used to be that he'd come online after ever show just to talk to me until the wee morning hours. We would fall asleep at the keyboard or on the phone at 4:30 am because we were so tired and realize it the next morning. But things were different this time around. He was less..."available". He claimed it was because the record label was making them work overtime. Again, I believed him.

Then came that day. The day he announced to the world that he had a girlfriend.

He announced to the world that his girlfriend was the very girl I had a picture of him kissing. I raged at him, called him many awful names and he only apologized and said that it would never work between us. "What about the times you said you'd always love me?" I screamed to him on the phone. His answer? "those are just things you say...when you're in the moment."

I hated him but I still loved him at the same time. I was so hurt and broke as I confided everything to him and I thought he confided everything to me. Because I was too cowardly to let him go, I agreed to try to work out a friendship. It didn't work. It never works.

Last summer, he got married to the girlfriend. They're expecting a child now. I have also ceased contact, moved on, and learned my life lesson.

At least you are fortunate to have actually been talking to the real person. Often times it is posers just having some fun, and you should consider yourself lucky to have formed a friendship at all with someone who is real.

[ravenstone]

Originally Posted by shuke

But to actually fall in love with the real person? Nope... tell me about love once you've met the person and had your feet put to the fire.

I'll take you up on that.

I met my sweetheart in a chat room. We weren't looking for anyone, but we got to be good friends. We talked every night online, sent emails, talked on the phone a few times. We met in person about 3 months after we met online, when I visited for a few days. There was chemistry, all right. We were both head-over-heels in love.

Fast forward eighteen months: we'd met up a few times in person, both gotten divorced & I moved 700 miles to be w/my soul-mate. We've been together 9 years.

Feet to the fire..... both our families gave us plenty of grief for leaving our husbands for another woman. Hers more than mine; this is the Bible belt. But my kids (7 & 9 then) were OK with it, and that was the important thing to me. Hers (9 & 13) were more resistant, and her ex made it impossible for us to live together. I had little contact with her kids because of him. We are resilient, though, and we can wait.

Fast forward again to last year. Her younger daughter (then 17) was killed in a car accident. I was not 'allowed' to be at the funeral. The grief I felt, while nothing compared to the grief my sweetheart felt, was overwhelming. This changes everything. I understand this; I understand that grieving takes as long as it takes, and no matter how long it takes, I'll still be here, loving her and supporting her with everything I've got.

We are approaching our 2nd Christmas without her daughter, and we are doing ok. We talked about our relationship last week and she summed it up thus: "We're just an old married couple now." She's right.

[Robhu]

Personaly, I don't see how anyone can REALLY fall in love with someone in a chatroom. They might be in love with words or messages typed, or like was mentioned before, the idea of being in love. Granted, sometimes it works out and I congratulate those people but that seems to be the rare exception.
It can also be the means to an end. Gaining someones trust to cause bodily harm or death to quench a persons deprived sexual or perverted desires. It happens everyday. Just watch the news for a week.
Beware. It is dangerous to fall for someone that can't look you straight in the eye on a daily basis. You might just get hurt. I abhore people who use the internet to make contact with others just to satisfy their own selfish desires and don't give a damn about the others persons feelings.

[Crew Chief]

I have fantasies about the traffic lady on the radio station I listen to in the truck. It keeps me awake. Then I go home to the real deal that I'd never do anything to lose...