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With the extra money he must be making with such a promotion, I agree with the suggestions to either cut back your working hours or hiring someone to help you with either child management and/or cleaning.
I'm assuming that he is travelling to different locations and this is why you can't just live wherever he is for those 3 out of 4 weeks a month?
And I have to ask - did you discuss this before he took the promotion and you moved out there? I can't imagine making such big changes without discussing it first but if you did discuss it, you must have discussed the problems that would inevitably occur with him basically being absent from 3/4 of your lives. Frankly, if my husband were offered such a promotion, I would have told him I don't want him to take it and I honestly can't see him wanting to take it either. You can't have a relationship with your spouse when you only see them one week out of the month - it's basically like having a long distance relationship, which might be manageable temporarily but is this position temporary?
I would not deal with it as I would not put up with it or have allowed it to happen in the first place.
Nor am I married to a person who would want to do this (be away from family so long so much).
Temporary to get ahead? Sure. Permanent or no defined period or time? No way in heck.
It is VERY hard to sustain this. You feel the pressure of home, and he feels the pressure from work. Then when he DOES come home, he will be like an intruder into the routine you set up with your child.
Your expectations and mindset will have a LOT to do with how well you handle this situation. You have to try VERY hard not to let resentment build and turn him into an enemy.
Yes, therapy would be good at least for a while so you can both have a safe place to lay out your fears and complaints and also learn better communication skills.
Thanks everyone for the suggestions. We definitely need to find time to sit down and talk. For me quitting my job is not an option I want to take. The kids are older now and I took a huge step back in my career and sacrificed when they were younger. I finally have a job I love and enjoy.
Definitely going to look into a housekeeper! That is my biggest pet peeve. Hubby is a slob and a half
Military families go through that all the time. I know several women who even had their babies while husbands were deployed. Their husbands met their children for the first time when they were already several months old.
Your husband is just on business trips. Their husbands are deploying to different countries, they don't know if they will return and have to constantly worry and fear the news.
When I was a military wife, I wished to be in your shoes - at least you can always call the hubby and you don't have to worry constantly. I was sitting alone in a foreign country, alone in a house, not knowing if I will ever see my husband again. Worried sick.
Believe me, there is worse stuff then hubby being on business trips.
Your kids are almost grown, so they don't need constant supervision. Plus, they can help around the house.
You say your hubby is a slob and a half - so that means, if he isn't home, he can't cause chaos = less cleaning.
there is alot of single moms with small children and just one income out there. You have 2 incomes, a husband, older children - Really, OP, it's not that bad!
Military families go through that all the time. I know several women who even had their babies while husbands were deployed. Their husbands met their children for the first time when they were already several months old.
Your husband is just on business trips. Their husbands are deploying to different countries, they don't know if they will return and have to constantly worry and fear the news.
When I was a military wife, I wished to be in your shoes - at least you can always call the hubby and you don't have to worry constantly. I was sitting alone in a foreign country, alone in a house, not knowing if I will ever see my husband again. Worried sick.
Believe me, there is worse stuff then hubby being on business trips.
Your kids are almost grown, so they don't need constant supervision. Plus, they can help around the house.
You say your hubby is a slob and a half - so that means, if he isn't home, he can't cause chaos = less cleaning.
there is alot of single moms with small children and just one income out there. You have 2 incomes, a husband, older children - Really, OP, it's not that bad!
It's different for every person, I don't think its fair to compare it to other people or other situations.
I have 2 young children, my wife is not in the military, but I'm sure we could make it work if her job required her to be away, but it would not be an ideal situation and it would be very hard for our family.
Thanks everyone for the suggestions. We definitely need to find time to sit down and talk. For me quitting my job is not an option I want to take. The kids are older now and I took a huge step back in my career and sacrificed when they were younger. I finally have a job I love and enjoy.
Definitely going to look into a housekeeper! That is my biggest pet peeve. Hubby is a slob and a half
I feel your pain. Although we didn't have children, my ex traveled for his job for months at a time and I couldn't trust him. I couldn't handle it and we split.
Ive been there as well. We moved to a new city across the country where we knew no one. Then, I was gone anywhere from 4 to 7 days at a time, with 2 or 3 days off between. Plus she still had to work, so even on my days off home, we didn't see each other until evening. It never got easier with time.
Is this new to you? For us, once we got used to it, it got easier. So hang in there.
My DH is a slob - but I don't understand, when he's gone, that makes it easier! I talked to him about when he's home, not messing up/undoing my cleaning - it helped, so once I had cleaned, it STAYED clean and it was easy, because he was not home to mess things up. I got in my routines, it was easy.
But, we don't have kids so that made things a lot easier, I think.
I suppose because we dated long distance, he was military, then he got out and traveled Mon-Thurs, our whole life together has been a little traveling here and there. So, it's always been our way and never much of a problem. I feel for people who have never gone through it, then get thrown into it. I'm also extremely independent so I have no problem with a larger amount of alone time than most. It was always a little rough at first, but for me it always got easier. Even when he was military, we were lucky enough to have the means to be in contact quite often as well.
Good luck to you.
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