How do you deal with ultimatums? (single, hubby, separate, kids)
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Hopefully, the woman spoke up sometime in the first year (give or take) and was honest that she was looking to settle down.
Hopefully, the guy isn't stringing her along.
If both of these are true, an ultimatum will probably never be posed.
For the men who make flat "I'd dump her" statements: What is your alternate scenario? If a woman is in love with you, wants to marry you, and you are openly serious about her but years are passing without taking additional steps, what should she do?
If a woman told you that she will not wait for you past the 2 year mark, meaning that if you do not propose by then you are history, how would you interpret it? Would you think that was reasonable? Or would you interpret it as meaning that you are not something worth enough to wait it out and that you are just replaceable with another man?
If a woman found the man of her dreams would she really put a timeline on a proposal? Especially if it's just 2 years? Or conversely, if a man does not propose within 2 years then is it reasonable to assume that he is just not that into her?
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rohirette
For the men who make flat "I'd dump her" statements: What is your alternate scenario? If a woman is in love with you, wants to marry you, and you are openly serious about her but years are passing without taking additional steps, what should she do?
She could propose, as you said. Or just enjoy the relationship as it is. If there are no problems, why try to change it?
If a woman told you that she will not wait for you past the 2 year mark, meaning that if you do not propose by then you are history, how would you interpret it? Would you think that was reasonable? Or would you interpret it as meaning that you are not something worth enough to wait it out and that you are just replaceable with another man?
If a woman found the man of her dreams would she really put a timeline on a proposal? Especially if it's just 2 years? Or conversely, if a man does not propose within 2 years then is it reasonable to assume that he is just not that into her?
Ultimatums are a deal breaker to me.
Most relationship therapists and professionals will state that in ultimatums in relationships for the most part are an unhealthy way to communicate wants and needs.
I suppose if a couple are dating for 10 years, it would be ok to say, "Are we getting married or what?"
But short of that, after having dealt with people that use ultimatums, I end a relationship quite quickly after an ultimatum. Some people say that using ultimatums are kind of like taking a relationship hostage.
If a woman told you that she will not wait for you past the 2 year mark, meaning that if you do not propose by then you are history, how would you interpret it? Would you think that was reasonable? Or would you interpret it as meaning that you are not something worth enough to wait it out and that you are just replaceable with another man?
If a woman found the man of her dreams would she really put a timeline on a proposal? Especially if it's just 2 years? Or conversely, if a man does not propose within 2 years then is it reasonable to assume that he is just not that into her?
I'm not sure how anyone can predict what it will be like in a few weeks or months, let alone two years, with anyone. I also get the desire to be married and plan for a family and not want to waste time on someone who can't commit.
Not knowing the circumstances (how long you've been together, what your views are on marriage, the health of the relationship), it's hard to say. I don't think waiting two years to get married is unreasonable, it's certainly not rushed. But I'm not a fan of ultimatums. She seems to think you're worth marrying, but not worth waiting for beyond the two year mark. I wouldn't take it personally. People want what they want. They key is in finding someone of like mind. If you're not ready, there is nothing wrong with that. I wouldn't want someone to marry me because I pressured them into it.
If a woman told you that she will not wait for you past the 2 year mark, meaning that if you do not propose by then you are history, how would you interpret it? Would you think that was reasonable? Or would you interpret it as meaning that you are not something worth enough to wait it out and that you are just replaceable with another man?
If a woman found the man of her dreams would she really put a timeline on a proposal? Especially if it's just 2 years? Or conversely, if a man does not propose within 2 years then is it reasonable to assume that he is just not that into her?
Ultimatums are not good. But neither is stringing someone along for two years. Either the relationship is going somewhere or its not.
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