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Old 11-04-2013, 05:25 PM
 
Location: SoCal
5,902 posts, read 5,650,808 times
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OK--I am not interested in pursuing relationships right now, but what if in the future (once I will enter the "relationship business") I will become very emotionally attracted to someone without being (that) physically attracted to her that much? After all, I am extremely picky with the women whom I find to be attractive (no offense, since this is not a choice on my part any more than someone's sexuality is a choice), and thus there might be at least one case where I would be emotionally attracted and yet not physically attracted to a particular individual. (For the record, I am interested in dating and marrying trans-women, though just like with cis-women, there are some trans-women which I find to be physically attractive and some which I don't find to be physically attractive.) Anyway, should I still try to pursue such a relationship in the future, especially considering that some individuals (though not me) are asexual and might have the same problem in regards to this? Or do you think that one needs to be physically attracted (to a huge extent, such as in getting one's body sufficiently excited, if you catch my drift) to someone if one wants to pursue a relationship and/or marry this other individual? Also, for the record, if I will ever end up in such a situation in the future, I would still be able to pleasure my partner in various ways, but again, I will/could simply be unable to get my body sufficiently excited when necessary, if you catch my drift.

And No, this is not a troll thread. Rather, this is a completely serious thread. And No, I do not have any alcohol at all in my system right now--I am 100% sure of this, considering that I honestly never drink alcohol.
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Old 11-04-2013, 05:46 PM
 
Location: La lune et les étoiles
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I'm sorry but what are trans-women and cis-women?
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Old 11-04-2013, 05:55 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Futurist110 View Post
OK--I am not interested in pursuing relationships right now, but what if
Lost me after this. Good luck.
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Old 11-04-2013, 06:25 PM
 
Location: SoCal
5,902 posts, read 5,650,808 times
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Originally Posted by elhelmete View Post
Lost me after this. Good luck.
What exactly is wrong for asking future advice? Heck, I've done this here before. After all, planning for the future is a good thing.
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Old 11-04-2013, 06:26 PM
 
Location: SoCal
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Originally Posted by calipoppy View Post
I'm sorry but what are trans-women and cis-women?
Trans-women: Individuals who were born biological males and got sex changes later on to make them (more) like females.
Cis-women: Individuals who were born biological females and who did not get sex changes.
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Old 11-04-2013, 06:36 PM
 
Location: SoCal
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I really do hope that I explained myself clearly enough here, since this is (meant to be) a serious question.
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Old 11-04-2013, 06:46 PM
 
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Well, of course it is fine for people to marry whomever they want, for whatever reasons they want.

I know (cis, hetero) couple who were not very attracted to each other, but decided to form a relationship and work on being more attracted to each other, because they wanted the same things in life. It worked out well for them -- they got married, had kids, and have the life they dreamed of together.

I think the key would be to be open and honest (and kind) with your partner. I, personally, think it would be a consent violation to pretend that you were more attracted than you were and, if you have the erectile problems you anticipate, to pretend they were from some other cause.

I admit that I am a very nosy and curious person, and wonder why you are seriously considering marrying someone you are not all that attracted to .

Oh, and BTW, many people (including the couple that I mentioned, and pretty much everyone I know) find that they can change who they are attracted to by conscious thought, over time, if they want to.
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Old 11-04-2013, 07:35 PM
 
Location: SoCal
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Originally Posted by NilaJones View Post
1. Well, of course it is fine for people to marry whomever they want, for whatever reasons they want.

2. I know (cis, hetero) couple who were not very attracted to each other, but decided to form a relationship and work on being more attracted to each other, because they wanted the same things in life. It worked out well for them -- they got married, had kids, and have the life they dreamed of together.

3. I think the key would be to be open and honest (and kind) with your partner. I, personally, think it would be a consent violation to pretend that you were more attracted than you were and, if you have the erectile problems you anticipate, to pretend they were from some other cause.

4. I admit that I am a very nosy and curious person, and wonder why you are seriously considering marrying someone you are not all that attracted to .

5. Oh, and BTW, many people (including the couple that I mentioned, and pretty much everyone I know) find that they can change who they are attracted to by conscious thought, over time, if they want to.
Thank you very much for your constructive response to my OP. Anyway:

1. Good!

2. That's great! Hopefully I will be able to follow in their footsteps if necessary, though probably with a trans-woman as/for my wife.

3. Thank you. I will try my best to cautiously follow your advice in regards to this; The thing with this is that I don't have erectile problems with being physically attracted to some women any more than I have erectile problems with being physically attracted to men--it's just that some women and all (or almost all ) men are simply not my type(s) when it comes to physical attractiveness.

4. Because we don't get whatever we want in life, and thus, we sometimes need to pick the best option out of a couple of/several less-than-ideal options. Personally, I would prefer to have a compassionate, caring wife (strongly preferably a trans-woman) whom I am not (that) physically attracted to than an obnoxious, abusive, rude, selfish, careless, et cetera wife who I am (more) physically attracted to.

5. Maybe, though I am not sure if this would work for me. For instance, I previously tried to make myself physically attracted to guys more than once--it didn't work (or rather, it didn't work yet ). Thus, some things in regards to our sexuality and/or our sexual preferences might simply be too "hard-wired" (or whatever the correct word for this) for us to willingly change them, at least right now/for the time being.
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Old 11-04-2013, 08:11 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Futurist110 View Post
Thank you very much for your constructive response to my OP.

You're welcome . This place is not super que*r-friendly (if you identify that way). Even the word is censored, if you spell it out.

Quote:
4. Because we don't get whatever we want in life, and thus, we sometimes need to pick the best option out of a couple of/several less-than-ideal options. Personally, I would prefer to have a compassionate, caring wife (strongly preferably a trans-woman) whom I am not (that) physically attracted to than an obnoxious, abusive, rude, selfish, careless, et cetera wife who I am (more) physically attracted to.

Well, yeah. But there's also a good chance you can find everything in one woman .

Quote:
5. Maybe, though I am not sure if this would work for me. For instance, I previously tried to make myself physically attracted to guys more than once--it didn't work (or rather, it didn't work yet ). Thus, some things in regards to our sexuality and/or our sexual preferences might simply be too "hard-wired" (or whatever the correct word for this) for us to willingly change them, at least right now/for the time being.
Yes. That is a bigger step, though, than just broadening your taste in which trans women you are attracted to, or focusing on the sexual arousal that comes from emotional connection and compatibility, a little more than from visual cues.

If you have never been in love, you might underestimate how much of a turn on it is .
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Old 11-04-2013, 09:09 PM
 
Location: SoCal
5,902 posts, read 5,650,808 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones View Post
1. You're welcome . This place is not super que*r-friendly (if you identify that way). Even the word is censored, if you spell it out.

2. Well, yeah. But there's also a good chance you can find everything in one woman .

3. Yes. That is a bigger step, though, than just broadening your taste in which trans women you are attracted to, or focusing on the sexual arousal that comes from emotional connection and compatibility, a little more than from visual cues.

If you have never been in love, you might underestimate how much of a turn on it is .
1. Wait--why exactly would I be considered que*r? I don't have any problems with que*r or gay individuals, but I don't see why I would be considered as such, considering that I am physically attracted to some trans-women due to their feminine characteristics (and thus I would consider myself to be straight, considering that I am not physically attracted to men). If you are talking about me flirting with the idea of (me) getting a sex change in the long(er)-run, then I have not had anyone on this forum ever bother or harass me due to this. For that matter, I never had anyone on this forum ever brother or harass me due to my tastes in women either.

2. True, but the problem with this is that this woman has to love you back to the extent that she is willing to marry you, which often does not happen. Thus, my point about compromising in terms of various qualities when you are trying to pick a future spouse and "soul-mate" is still very valid, and again, I repeat that I would prefer to compromise on looks/physical attractiveness than on personality/character (traits).

3. I suppose you are right, though, I might only be able to "stretch" my s*xuality and physical attractivenss preferences so far.

In regards to me being in love, I did have some romantic feelings for this one girl who was two grades above me in high school. I was never in any classes with her, but I became attracted to her looks and acquired more information about her by speaking with some of my friends and acquaintances who knew her and/or who knew people who knew her. I never told this girl about my feelings for her, though, and I only personally talked with her briefly a couple of/several times.

I will state this, though--I do think that I have some sense of the additional physical attractive which comes from love and from emotional connection and compatibility. Heck, yesterday in the evening, I looked at some photographs of Hillary Clinton which made me physically aroused due at least in some/large part to the appealing facial expressions which she had in/on these photographs of her.
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