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For some it might be a stupid question, but I would really appreciate advice.
I've been with my boyfriend for one year (He's 29, I'm 26), we're not living together yet, but we're spending most time at his apartment anyway. The relationship has been great, we love each other very much and are serious about each other. I met his entire family and friends and he met mine.
I'm originally not from the States- And in my country it's an old tradition to buy or create a so called 'Christmas calendar', which means you open a little bag with the number of the day (starting on December 1st, finishing on December 24th) each day and each bag contains a little surprise, like chocolate, candy or small gifts. I'm thinking of making my boyfriend one for this Christmas. It's a lot of work and probably I'd have to invest 50$ or a bit more, but I'd be okay with that. I'd just love to create something for my boyfriend from my country and I'd love to see his happy and surprised face.
On the other hand I'm thinking- Is that too much? I mean it's a bit of work etc. and it's not even his birthday or christmas gift. Maybe it's a totally stupid thought, but I'm worried that he might think it's too much. Also because he's not the guy who's constantly surprising me with flowers or little gifts or so (which is no problem for me since he's treating me really well in general).
What do you guys think? And also- How do you handle the gift thing in your (previous) relationships? Are you giving your partner gifts (not just for bday or xmas) once in a while or even create some (cakes or whatever)?
I think it's great, but you should not do a seperate christmas gift in addition. It's important not to spend more money or give more than he does, you know? That just makes everyone uncomfortable.
Really what I think you should do is wait until next year for the calender. This year, just give him one ordinary, thoughtful gift. Then sometime far from christmas, maybe in the middle of summer, tell him about this tradition from your country, and how you would love to do it for him but you worry that people would feel awkward. Then see what he says, have a conversation about it.
Part of being in love is wanting to give lots and lots to your lover . But you need to keep the bigger social landscape in mind. Maybe his parents would find it distressing, for example, or maybe he would feel inadequate.
The gifts would have to be very small and inexpensive.
In the USA, there is a thing called an advent calender, where a little door can be opened on each day of the calender, and a small gift, a candy or a poem or something similar is inside.
They are basically to help a child count down the days until Christmas.
As a guy, if I'm serious about my g/f I think something like this would be pretty cool. Especially since it's tradition from another country. I'm personally open to new perspectives such as this.
mstea, I think it would be a very thoughtful gift,..much more than some item anyone can buy on a shelf....I give my partner gifts throughout the year, whenever the desire to hits me...to me they are more meaningful than just giving on the very commercialistic christmas day.
I think it's great, but you should not do a seperate christmas gift in addition. It's important not to spend more money or give more than he does, you know? That just makes everyone uncomfortable.
Really what I think you should do is wait until next year for the calender. This year, just give him one ordinary, thoughtful gift. Then sometime far from christmas, maybe in the middle of summer, tell him about this tradition from your country, and how you would love to do it for him but you worry that people would feel awkward. Then see what he says, have a conversation about it.
Part of being in love is wanting to give lots and lots to your lover . But you need to keep the bigger social landscape in mind. Maybe his parents would find it distressing, for example, or maybe he would feel inadequate.
This is all really good advise.
Especially the bolded.
I think some guys, (and since your guy isnt a romantic type or gift giver) this may overwhelm him at this point.
After the holiday, perhaps bring up family traditions and see what he thinks of your tradition.
If he bought you flowers and random knick knacks for no reason often, then you could try it this year, but if he isnt, then wait.
Last edited by AverageGuy2006; 11-05-2013 at 09:33 AM..
Reason: *good
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. But you need to keep the bigger social landscape in mind. Maybe his parents would find it distressing, for example, or maybe he would feel inadequate.
