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Yes, I rejected him. Harshly. I even dated someone else briefly.
He then got back in touch with me, and there was something about him saying that "I had been on his mind..." that was indeed very cool.
After some time apart, I noticed how he fared in comparison to other guys. I just missed the easy time I had with him, the way I could be myself, and the considerate way he treated me. He did not treat me like another guy that he hung out with. I was glad I did not actually miss a second chance with him.
YMMV, of course. That's the beautiful risk.
well, i honestly don't think i spent enough time with her for her to have any of those feelings about me. we have a mutual friend with whom i play basketball, he's much better friends with her than me, but he's the one who kinda set us up that night downtown, so i'm sure if i could just track him down at the basketball courts soon i could get a read from him pretty easily. if he brings her up to me, she's probably still interested. but if he gets awkward or just doesn't bring her up, then she doesn't want anything to do with me.
well, i honestly don't think i spent enough time with her for her to have any of those feelings about me. we have a mutual friend with whom i play basketball, he's much better friends with her than me, but he's the one who kinda set us up that night downtown, so i'm sure if i could just track him down at the basketball courts soon i could get a read from him pretty easily. if he brings her up to me, she's probably still interested. but if he gets awkward or just doesn't bring her up, then she doesn't want anything to do with me.
This is starting to get ridiculous. Now you're going to base whether or not your friend mentions her as a gauge of her interest in you???? You need to get out of your own head. You're the one with the year-long crush, not her, not your buddy. If he doesn't even think to ask you anything to do with her, it means nothing other than he didn't mention it. You're really grasping here and need to stop.
This is starting to get ridiculous. Now you're going to base whether or not your friend mentions her as a gauge of her interest in you???? You need to get out of your own head. You're the one with the year-long crush, not her, not your buddy. If he doesn't even think to ask you anything to do with her, it means nothing other than he didn't mention it. You're really grasping here and need to stop.
I agree. It literally seems like you are trying everything you can to avoid taking any personal responsibility or risk here, while worrying about everything you CANNOT control, such as her lasting impression of you after any potential last encounter.
This literally is one of those (many) situations where you have to find out yourself in order to know for sure, and if she thinks WORSE of you after you make an expression that is nothing more than common human caring, then you didn't want her anyway.
This is starting to get ridiculous. Now you're going to base whether or not your friend mentions her as a gauge of her interest in you???? You need to get out of your own head. You're the one with the year-long crush, not her, not your buddy. If he doesn't even think to ask you anything to do with her, it means nothing other than he didn't mention it. You're really grasping here and need to stop.
I agree. It literally seems like you are trying everything you can to avoid taking any personal responsibility or risk here, while worrying about everything you CANNOT control, such as her lasting impression of you after any potential last encounter.
This literally is one of those (many) situations where you have to find out yourself in order to know for sure, and if she thinks WORSE of you after you make an expression that is nothing more than common human caring, then you didn't want her anyway.
also a good call.
one last point, i don't think she was just trying to hookup (have sex) with me that first night because it was 'that time of the month' and she told me when i tried and kinda shot me down. so maybe you're right, maybe she is testing to see if i'll make another move. either way i've thought enough about it. gonna go out and see some other people, just forget about it for a while. maybe i'll call her maybe not. right now i just need to get away from the analysis. thanks guys.
you're in the minority here but this is what i'd like to do the most deep down, only because it would definitely give me a sense of finality for better or for worse. but there are three issues with it imo: 1. it will really suck to get rejected straight up, and that's more likely than not the outcome. it's been bad enough reading the writing on the wall, much less looking completely desperate and calling her again only to get shot down. i'll look really weak and i'll really regret it if she rejects me. 2. in all likelihood i have a better shot with her by not calling and just moving on and eventually running into her again or hitting her up way down the line. not calling says a) i can take hints, and b) i have other prospects (which i really do, i'm not hung up on this girl as much as it seems, only a little lol). 3. do i really want to chase a girl who doesn't text me back and who rejects me? there's kind of an ego issue here too. it's not like she's way out of my league by any stretch of the imagination.
but you're right, simply calling is the most grown up thing to do. unfortunately, the most grown up thing sometimes doesn't give you the best chance to get what you want. and i think this is one of those cases. waiting around and looking cool will look cool. cool is attractive. calling will look desperate. desperate is unattractive. just the way it is.
Take the hint and don't make it complicated. Having to call and ask for a date from some chick you already banged pretty much tells the whole story.
She either has someone else she's more interested in, or viewed hooking with you as a "whoops! I tripped and fell on a **** again!" move. Or both. Tis what it tis. You like the idea of this girl more than you would a reality with her in it anyway, sure as I'm sitting here.
Take the hint and don't make it complicated. Having to call and ask for a date from some chick you already banged pretty much tells the whole story.
She either has someone else she's more interested in, or viewed hooking with you as a "whoops! I tripped and fell on a **** again!" move. Or both. Tis what it tis. You like the idea of this girl more than you would a reality with her in it anyway, sure as I'm sitting here.
i never banged her, that's the point. it would all make perfect sense if i had banged her and she just hadn't called me back. it was that time of the month, she wouldn't let me bang her. no clue why she even took me home that first night since in her mind we were never going to bang.
i just straight-up approached the mutual friend and asked what happened. he said she is still figuring stuff out with her ex and that i shouldn't take it personal. this explains so much of her behavior that second date, why she wouldn't go to dinner, why she wouldn't make a move, why she was distant at the concert, why she totally freaked out when i said she seemed shy or introverted. she could tell i was onto the fact that she was acting weird, and my guess is she probably had contact with her ex in the week between our first hookup and our second date. makes perfect sense.
i then played it really cool and said to the mutual friend there were no hard feelings, that she was a really nice girl, but a little guarded, and that i could tell some other guy had broken her heart.
so in the end it wasn't really about me at all. i've done the same thing, broken up, had a hookup with a really nice girl and then missed the emotional connection with my ex and gone back to her. in the end it didn't work out with the ex so i went back to the hookup and that turned into a 3.5 year relationship. so i guess i'll just play it cool and move on to other girls and see what happens down the line.
as long as it wasn't something i did to just totally repel her i'm fine with this outcome. i take a lot of pride in how i present myself and do not handle blatant rejection well at all.
yeah i think the major disaster was not hooking up with her that second night. foolish mistake. i wouldn't mind being FWB with her at all, not really looking for a longterm at this point after she's blown me off, but this is all more of a psychological experiment, i mean there's no way to get a girl back in this situation? that's such a challenge to me, there's gotta be a way lol...
Sorry, you are looking at the friendzone. Forget her and try another.
you're in the minority here but this is what i'd like to do the most deep down, only because it would definitely give me a sense of finality for better or for worse. but there are three issues with it imo: 1. it will really suck to get rejected straight up, and that's more likely than not the outcome. it's been bad enough reading the writing on the wall, much less looking completely desperate and calling her again only to get shot down. i'll look really weak and i'll really regret it if she rejects me. 2. in all likelihood i have a better shot with her by not calling and just moving on and eventually running into her again or hitting her up way down the line. not calling says a) i can take hints, and b) i have other prospects (which i really do, i'm not hung up on this girl as much as it seems, only a little lol). 3. do i really want to chase a girl who doesn't text me back and who rejects me? there's kind of an ego issue here too. it's not like she's way out of my league by any stretch of the imagination.
but you're right, simply calling is the most grown up thing to do. unfortunately, the most grown up thing sometimes doesn't give you the best chance to get what you want. and i think this is one of those cases. waiting around and looking cool will look cool. cool is attractive. calling will look desperate. desperate is unattractive. just the way it is.
Yes, Wmns4life advice is the best... Just call her... What do you have to lose? You messed up with the delayed phone call/lame excuse and calling her introverted, but just call and apologize and ask her out. What is the big deal? Oh, it's your ego? Who the heck cares if you're rejected or look weak - life is full of rejections. Men who go after what they want are not weak - just those who play games, overanalyze, worry about appearances, and have passive plans (like trying to "run into" someone). Assertive men who can face possible rejection are appealing to many women. Waiting around does not always looks so cool, as it implies passivity. Stop being a wimp - just call her. Go after what you want. At the least, you will grow from the experience.
Edit - Oops sorry, just read that you got this all resolved which is great.... Some of the above advice above women liking assertive, risk-taking men (not passive) still applies though...
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