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...it's the richer stuff ... the growing old with a truly best friend who has your back and really "gets" you ...
... it would be nice to have a companion who shares my memories, outlook on life, and joy of simply living.
Very well phrased!
The question begged in this thread is whether a formal marriage confers emotional benefits beyond those of a committed but informal relationship. We’ve discussed extensively the financial/legal pros and cons, and how the situation differs between those who wish to have children, and those who don’t.
My emerging view is that early in life, the formal commitment of marriage is essential to buttress the emotional commitment. It’s hard for young people to regard themselves as lifelong couple if they don’t have the official piece of paper. It’s less a matter of maintaining appearances or impressing their friends, than of relating to each other. With advancing age, especially for people who’ve been married and transitioned back to single-life, the formality of marriage becomes less important.
Nevertheless, it would still be useful to have formal state recognition of “marriage-lite”, where the two partners are not financially united, but enjoy marital benefits such as hospital visitation rights, joint health insurance policy, inheritance/tax privileges and so forth.
Benefits
-A love one
-A friend
-A confidone
-A person that changes your mood
-A informative
-A joker
-A mechanic
-A fixer upper
-A finance contributor
-A travel companion
-A emotional support
-Someone to live life with and grow old with.
I constantly see people writing or talking about how a man wouldn't propose to a woman if he already gets everything from here being her boyfriend, or 'buying the cow if he gets the milk for free'.
They say a woman shouldn't give the guy all the benefits he would have as her husband. But what do they actually mean by that?
I know that for some people it means you shouldn't move in together before marriage- I don't agree with that. I wanna live with a guy before I marry him. But what else could they mean?
I mean, if I hold back what I want to give him (whatever it is... cooking for him, being super nice to him, doing the household together, sex practices...) I'm not showing the person I really am, and why would he marry me if I don't show him my good and caring sides before he can even decide to marry me?
Would love to hear your opinion about that. FYI: When I say 'I' and 'he' I'm just talking theoretically. Myself, I'm not planning to get married very soon.
Really responding to the bold, if this were true, and this were the norm, then you wouldnt see a lot of people getting married. People are living together and doing everything that married couples do before marriage more so than ever, yet i dont think the marriage rate has slowed down at all.
I think a lot of people in their 20s are not ready to be married and a lot of times are not looking for the full commitment of marriage. Living together can be a clean break if things dont work out, sure you've still got to deal with all the contracts you've signed, but its not like a divorce.
I think as people get older, both men and women look for something more.
Looking back ,
I should have stayed single.
I don't hate women, I don't trust them.
I'm not gay, I have no interest i men either.
Acquaintances ,I have plenty , men and women .
I mind my own business, and help others in need .
But it seems that the more you help some one ,the more they demand.
I think that inherently when people are legally connected ,the perception of THAT CONNECTION makes the other person a representation of you ,they no longer simply represent them self by them self.
Behaviors that had been camouflaged previously, start showing up, and that is where the rub begins.
Deceptive behaviors or hidden past, will either show up obviously, or in behaviors that manifest them self in emotional instability.
People that keep deep dark secrets from their spouse , create the problem ,from the beginning and through out the relationship.
Marriage and weddings are declarations to the community and family that you are binding your lives together, some people think it means its some kind of license to own someone. To be sure that they'll stay with just YOU till death do you part. Personally, and in my opinion I think the peice of paper is useful to people who are marrying for financial gain, it gives them legal rights. Property rights, and other rights.
The peice of paper is nothing compared to the decision between two people to commit to each other, and no one needs a peice of paper for that. No one needs a peice of paper to declare love, fidelity, dedication and devotion. Yes, I am throwing mud on weddings and marriage.
But, what about the family and friends, they may have other ideas. If you have traditional parents, and community, you may have to deal with some pressure and rejection of your relationship if you live with someone like you are married before you actually ARE.
If that doesn't matter to you then why not go through with what you feel right about?
Thats really all that stupid peice of paper is for - for the rest of us who don't marry for property rights, wealth, or to bear an heir to the throne.
The benefits for having a husband is financial security. In the current climate of the family court system. You could get plenty of paper out of him if you divorce him.
This is wrong for several reasons.
First, 40% of US households now have women as the leading breadwinner (https://www.google.com/search?q=40%2...sm=93&ie=UTF-8) . The notion that men are the ones who bring all the money into the house is just outdated.
Second, people seldom marry across class lines. This is true of both men and women, and becomes more true the higher up you look on the income scale. Most of the time, poor people marry poor people. working class people marry working class people, middle class people marry middle class people, and wealthy people marry wealthy people.
Third, if you have even an inkling of how expensive, stressful and uncertain divorce is, you will see the idea that large numbers of women would marry men as part of some plot to divorce them and seize all their assets is just laughable.
The benefits? The sky is the limit, just like the benefits are of having a wife.
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