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You think?
You don't know? You really need to find out....
Well, you taught her that you will bring a gift and/or dinner when she does that. She is spoiled because you allowed it to happen.
^^^This.
From my armchair psychology standpoint, becoming parents when you were still children yourself, may have stunted the "normal" growth people do well into their 20s. You weren't finished growing and maturing into who you were going to be when you became parents. The attention shifted off of yourselves onto raising that child. So in a way, I can see why she may be the way she is, because she missed the typical growth of a young adult into independence. It doesn't excuse it, but it may explain it a bit.
I wouldn't indulge her tantrums anymore. She'll come out when she's hungry, and no one is giving her attention. If you make a change to how you've always been doing things, she'll be forced to change as well. It may be for the better, or could be for the worse, but it does fall to you to stop enabling her and see if she can and is willing to stand on her own two feet and be a grown-up.
I have friends who were parents at 17 and they're empty-nesters now in their late 40s and are having the time of their lives together! I wish you that happiness, whether or not that ends up being with her or on your own.
So you've been enabling her for the past 20 years and expect it to change now?
That's not going to work. If you've tried counseling and it didn't work, you have three choices:
1. Keep bending over backwards catering to her by bringing her food and gifts when she throws her juvenile little tantrums.
2. Stop enabling her--in every way. When she acts like that, do not even acknowledge it. Just ignore her, because at that point, even negative attention is giving her what she wants: attention.
3. Leave. Just line up what you need to in terms of living arrangements and a consultation with a good attorney, pack your things, and go.
Note how I'm not saying "talk about separation." That's only going to prompt another fit and a whole lot of drama. Just prepare to move out and then move out. Let her fend for herself for a while and see how she reacts. But make sure you have your ducks in a row first, because I sense that she is the kind of woman who will hire a pit-bull attorney and try to bankrupt you because of all she feels you owe her for allegedly ruining her life.
You know, because abortion wasn't legal 20 years ago and adoption is never an option, never mind that clearly you pried her legs apart with a crowbar to plant your seed in her tender womb and produce the snarling cerberus that is your offspring.
Honestly, she sounds like a piece of work. How did you even make it this long? I'd have booted her arse to the curb by the time I was 25.
Did you rape her or why is he saying YOU made HER a baby and it is all your fault?
It always takes 2. For making a baby and for spoiling.
Time to grow up and stop that childish behavior.
You either have to raise another child (her) and teach her how life works or you gotta go away. You can go all you want to therapy, there is only so much you can do if she doesn't want to change.
You either have to raise another child (her) and teach her how life works or you gotta go away. You can go all you want to therapy, there is only so much you can do if she doesn't want to change.
She's 37 or 38, so the real choice is more like what i said earlier. he either gets used to it or gets out because I don't see a woman how he describes her changing at this point in her life.
Let me catch you guys up( unless you want to read 121 pages). If you don't wanna read I'll give you the summary. My wife and I began dating at 14, had a son at 18(he's now 18 almost 19), we got married at 19. I went to Notre Dame and worked. She was brought up pretty pampered and spoiled by her parents( I inadvertently kept it going I guess out of guilt for making her almost a single mother( even though all of my work $$ went to her). We've tried counseling, she doesn't go much, but i do. I know longer go to counseling with my son. I think her anger at me is " You ruined my 20s by making me a young mother. Thanks a lot." Whenever we have a problem, she cries(mostly fake) and runs into our room and locks the door and keeps it locked until a gift or dinner is brought up.
She's basically saying, "I didn't get to date around and I'm going to blame you for it." You are married to a child.
My guess is that she's about to step out on you and giving herself permission to do it. She's blaming you for missing out on all the fun her friends had while she was at home with you and your kid. And now she wants to have it.
Crying, by the way, is emotional blackmail. It's not fighting fair. Next time she does it, tell her to dry up, because that is not going to sway you any more. Either she have a fair and open discussion of what's bugging you or don't have it at all.
She's basically saying, "I didn't get to date around and I'm going to blame you for it." You are married to a child.
My guess is that she's about to step out on you and giving herself permission to do it. She's blaming you for missing out on all the fun her friends had while she was at home with you and your kid. And now she wants to have it.
Crying, by the way, is emotional blackmail. It's not fighting fair. Next time she does it, tell her to dry up, because that is not going to sway you any more. Either she have a fair and open discussion of what's bugging you or don't have it at all.
Let me catch you guys up( unless you want to read 121 pages). If you don't wanna read I'll give you the summary. My wife and I began dating at 14, had a son at 18(he's now 18 almost 19), we got married at 19. I went to Notre Dame and worked. She was brought up pretty pampered and spoiled by her parents( I inadvertently kept it going I guess out of guilt for making her almost a single mother( even though all of my work $$ went to her). We've tried counseling, she doesn't go much, but i do. I know longer go to counseling with my son. I think her anger at me is " You ruined my 20s by making me a young mother. Thanks a lot." Whenever we have a problem, she cries(mostly fake) and runs into our room and locks the door and keeps it locked until a gift or dinner is brought up.
Wave her with the divorce papers.
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