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Originally Posted by andrewC7
We went on a few dates last winter and had a really good time.
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Sounds like only one of you had "a really good time." She dated you and decided you weren't for her. No harm, no foul.
Quote:
Originally Posted by andrewC7
Then all of the sudden she flaked out and went cold. I kept talking to her for a few months after she dumped me. I pursued one last time and didn't hear anything back. I decided to stop talking to her. About three months later after no communication she sent me an email telling me that she wants to be on good terms and to let her know If I'm ever in town.
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Yup, this sounds right on target. She went out on a few dates with you, decided she's not that interested, so you guys stopped dating. You had feelings. She didn't. Now, because she still doesn't have any feelings, but doesn't want things to be weird if you guys have mutual friends, or might show up at the same party, she's trying to float the idea of "being on good terms if you're ever in town." This sounds NOTHING like she's interested in dating you. NOTHING.
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Originally Posted by andrewC7
Does it sound like she still wants to be friends? I'm not really interested in just a friendship. It's the reason I stopped contacting her in the first place. How should I handle this? I'm kind of stumped. I still like her. Is the obvious answer to meet her and see what happens? Or should I tell her strait up that i'd only be interested in a date?
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No harm no foul in not wanting to be friends. Also no harm no foul on her end for not being interested in you as a boyfriend. You two just didn't hit it off. How to handle? Simply don't respond. If you see her at the party, give a quick, "Hey," and move on. If she asks why you didn't respond, say, "Sorry. I've been really busy at work." Then move on. I think you will look pathetic if you tell her you're only interested in a date because clearly she's not interested in that, and it only reveals that you're kind of hung up on her. Don't say that.
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Originally Posted by andrewC7
I'm going to a friend's party in a couple of days. There's a good chances that she'll show up. What happens if I show up and don't tell her that i'm in town? would it be a good move? or would she just resent me for it?
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I don't see how it would be "a good move." I think you are hoping this "being on good terms if you're ever in town" is something more than what it sounds like. I think she just doesn't want things to be weird if you see each other at a party. I see no
glimmer of interest on her part, so I don't think it matters what you do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by andrewC7
I have a feeling it's none of the above. I think she just wants to keep me on a string for an ego boost. My last text to her (3 months ago) was "You know I want you, when can I see you again?" So if she's just looking for a friendship she's playing with fire. I've decided not to respond. I'm going to a friend's party in a couple of days. If she shows up & gets tipsy who knows...but for now I'm leaving it alone.
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I don't know this girl, so who knows. But nothing you've written has suggested she's trying to keep you on any sort of string. She sounds like she just doesn't have any romantic feelings for you. You guys dated a few times and she decided she wasn't interested. Perfectly fair. You kept pushing and she still felt the same way. Perfectly fair. You sent, "You know I want you. When I can I see you again?" which frankly, if she's already said "no" to dating you, is quite pushy and not getting the message. Why would you say she's "playing with fire"? All the fire here seems to be on your end. You have feelings. She doesn't.
I would ignore the text. I would not hang around her at the party. I would try to meet new people and chalk this up to someone you dated that didn't work out. Happens to everyone.
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