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Old 11-09-2013, 08:36 PM
 
510 posts, read 1,352,886 times
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I need advice. This is the super summarized version of the story: This guy and I have been seeing each other for awhile now. We met in May, went on a bunch of dates, talked about becoming exclusive...but then he found out that his job was transferring him 1500 miles away for 5 months. I was ready to walk away, but he begged me to see him until he left, keep in touch, and see what we have when he returned. Long story short, we dated until he left, tried to stay in contact while he was gone but ended up falling out of constant contact. Spoke occasionally, but not the same. He came back in September, and we saw each other after about 3 weeks of him being back. We immediately clicked again- confessed to each other that we had seen other people while he was gone. Definitely contributed to the falling out of contact. He expressed interest in where this was going to go.

Now, the issue. We used to text pretty much constantly when we first met. Then it started dropping off a little and then stopped completely while he was away. Now that he's back little has changed in that department. We text a little bit, talk on the phone occasionally. But very little contact. Most of the time he initiates conversations and I reply, and then he stops responding. What the heck gives? When we're together its great. When we're apart its like a battle to communicate with him. What do I do here? I've made little comments letting him know that I need a little more effort (we live an hour apart and only see each other in person twice a week or so..if we're going to build a relationship I need a little more). Do I confront about this? Assume he's not that into it? Move on? Our connection is really great so I'm hesitant, and I don't want to seem like the crazy clingy girl that needs to talk constantly. Advice?
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Old 11-09-2013, 08:41 PM
 
12,587 posts, read 15,396,792 times
Reputation: 15187
Sounds like you can't communicate.

Just talk to him.
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Old 11-09-2013, 08:43 PM
 
3,009 posts, read 3,347,071 times
Reputation: 2368
when will woman learn most men just want you to tell us or show us what you want we are not mind readers.
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Old 11-09-2013, 08:44 PM
 
6,737 posts, read 9,251,864 times
Reputation: 6817
Sounds like he is seeing other girls again.

Personally, I think if he dates other girls without checking with you first when he is away he will do the same thing if you two live in the same town... or are married.

It's not communication he's bad at.
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Old 11-09-2013, 09:13 PM
 
645 posts, read 1,194,672 times
Reputation: 1778
Again I find myself playing second fiddle, "Get 'em NilaJones!"

I hate being the shuttlecock in her game of "I want him, I want him not, I want him..." That just tears me apart. I don't see how you're putting up with it brooklyn1234.

Once they begin pulling the disappearing act and not answering my messages, she'd better be pretty darn special and have already established a history with me. Even then, I'll largely withdraw my feelings and move her to acquaintance status.

I have put up with it to a degree, but when she's just not tailor-made, and I mean a real friendship attachment first and foremost, I just don't play her game. I figure I'll let her move onto somebody who's better suited for her.

Let's look at the facts, he goes silent and disappears. I do not have to speculate why. He's just not there and that's all that matters at this early stage, so move on. If he later shows up again, has a good excuse, and you're both single, maybe another go is in order, but I bet he will do the same exact thing again. Good luck with your decision brooklyn1234! I'd personally just try to move on and focus my attention on somebody who wants it.

Cheers,
bolillo

Last edited by bolillo_loco; 11-09-2013 at 09:29 PM.. Reason: I failed Ann Landers 101...
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Old 11-09-2013, 09:42 PM
 
26,124 posts, read 29,075,904 times
Reputation: 27063
Time to get the puppets out!
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Old 11-09-2013, 11:55 PM
 
Location: Southern California
15,084 posts, read 19,083,260 times
Reputation: 10324
Quote:
Originally Posted by brooklyn1234 View Post
...

Now, the issue. We used to text pretty much constantly when we first met. Then it started dropping off a little and then stopped completely while he was away. Now that he's back little has changed in that department. We text a little bit, talk on the phone occasionally. But very little contact. Most of the time he initiates conversations and I reply, and then he stops responding. What the heck gives? When we're together its great. When we're apart its like a battle to communicate with him. What do I do here? I've made little comments letting him know that I need a little more effort (we live an hour apart and only see each other in person twice a week or so..if we're going to build a relationship I need a little more). Do I confront about this? Assume he's not that into it? Move on? Our connection is really great so I'm hesitant, and I don't want to seem like the crazy clingy girl that needs to talk constantly. Advice?
How much more and does he know? Maybe you should lay down some 'rules' for how often you want to communicate. If he's like me (maybe not), then stating your position clearly will likely get better results. The common thing I hear in troubled relationship is, "If I only knew I would have done xyz." Don't give him a reason to say that.

[i wouldn't call it a confrontation - just tell him what you think]
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Old 11-10-2013, 12:04 AM
 
19,480 posts, read 26,868,397 times
Reputation: 37965
you tell him you are "going out with the girls" dancing and all for the night..

if he is ok with this,,,then there's not much here and he's pollinating other flowers-
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Old 11-10-2013, 01:12 AM
 
12,538 posts, read 13,997,355 times
Reputation: 28993
Texting is garbage communication.

It's pretty ironic that you're on here saying that he won't communicate when you won't communicate, yourself. This is something that needs to be discussed with him. So go discuss it.

And now, a word from my favorite dating gurus, Steve and JoAnn Ward:

Texting, Tweeting, and TMI: 5 Tips for Successfully Communicating While Dating

But here, the first few sentences say it all, emphasis mine:

Quote:
You should text only need-to-know information that doesn’t require dialogue — things like “I’m running late,” “I can’t make it,” or “I’m married.” Text messaging is not intended for conversation. People forget that’s what the phone was created for in the first place. You should text only to convey an important piece of information or to make a specific request that can be answered with one sentence.
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Old 11-10-2013, 02:18 AM
 
4,803 posts, read 6,852,063 times
Reputation: 6242
Texting and talking on the phone is like going to the dentist. It just sucks. We're not your gf, we're your bf.
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