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My sister introduced a new idea (D) that maybe this is an ego trip for him--dating a girl that he typically doesn't date, taking things slow, getting her to really like him, and it's just to blow up his ego. Eventually his true colors will show.
I've talked to two different girlfriends today and we're having a disagreement about this particular situation:
Ladies, how would you feel if you were in the early stages of dating someone--who you were not yet in a relationship BUT had been on more than a few dates , and who had given you all the signs that he was just as interested in you as you were him. Keeping in mind that he might have had an unsavory past in terms of ONS and hooking up when drinking, amongst other situations, when he was younger but seemed to be "pass all of that" and seemed genuinely like a nice guy. Say on one particular date night(again early stages of dating) you both have a little too much to drink. Ladies you decide that you'd like to get physical with him(not sex though or even really close to sex, but just maybe making out, etc) and rather than him jumping on the opportunity he stops you after you've hugged intimately and tells you he'd rather do things with you when he was sober? Being that he had a history of messing around with girls when he had been drinking and he chose not to do that with you, and being that you verbally or nonverbally indicated that you wanted to mess around a bit and he did not jump on the opportunity right away because he wanted to be sober would this:
A) Make you think that he just isn't attracted to you, because if he was he would have jumped on it. Therefore you find yourself turned off because he didn't act on what should have been a natural impulse, if he was genuinely into you no matter if you two were very drunk or not..(this WAS my opinion)
B) Think he was a nice guy that just wanted to do things the right way, take it slow, and may want something serious with you so he's trying to take things slow and be a gentlemen, which is consistent with how his behavior had been since you had been dating. (My first friends opinion--she felt that it was flattering and respectable). She also tends to date nice guys so of course she would think this.
C)Think he was lame. Probably horrible in bed and that he was weird for not wanting to take it there, even if you were drunk. (this is my second friends opinion, who tends to date bad boys and has called this guy weird from the start).
Now again my opinion is A. What do you guys think?
Ironically, this has actually happened to me a few times so I have a bit of experience here. Being the lightweight that I am, when it comes to drinking it takes very little to tip me over the edge. So with just one cocktail, it's not unusual for me to become very amorous/"handsy" (though in my buzzed state, I still somehow manage to avoid really intimate acts unless I'm comfortable with the other person).
Anyway, I was on a date with a guy last month who I'd known for years (we'd never previously "taken it there" because I was always in a relationship and we didn't want to jeopardize our friendship). He's something of a liqueur connoisseur and insisted I sample a few drinks with him one night. Long story short, I became quite wasted and aggressively pursued him. I mean, I did some things I'd never done before and felt a bit ashamed the next day! But he took me home...took off my shoes and helped me get undressed. Then gave me a sweet kiss and fell asleep right beside me. Being the naughty girl that I am, I reached for him multiple times during the night but he just firmly removed my hands and said "Not like this."
In the moment, I was quite upset with him in part because I'd never had a guy reject me like that but in the cold light of day I realized that he cared deeply enough that he didn't want me to feel like he'd taken advantage of me in my inebriated state. I will say that his capacity for self-denial is sometimes maddening, but he is the one guy I know who despite saying very little, is incredibly eloquent.
The other time this happened was when a date (now ex-) offered to cook dinner for me at his apartment; I got completely hammered on two glasses of Moscato (yes, you read right: this girl got hammered on a dessert wine with reasonably low alcoholic content!) and then promptly fell asleep right after the meal (talk about ungrateful!). He tucked me in bed and slept on the couch in the living room....and then took me home the next morning without even broaching the issue. After summoning the nerve to ask him about his behavior later the next day, he said he "hates drunk girls" and was actually turned off by how I acted. He was an older guy in his late 30s who'd dated extensively and detested "immature girls". He did, however, give me another chance after I explained my low alcohol tolerance.
Moral of the story, you'll never truly be certain unless you ask him directly. Also, alcohol is rarely a good excuse for bad behavior (low tolerance or not!)
My sister introduced a new idea (D) that maybe this is an ego trip for him--dating a girl that he typically doesn't date, taking things slow, getting her to really like him, and it's just to blow up his ego. Eventually his true colors will show.
Anywhoo I guess time will tell.
Thanks for the input everyone.
Your sister is way overthinking it. Funny how people tend to take good news, and try to read something negative into it... This guy could be the best thing that ever happened to you. The only way to find out is to continue seeing him.
So should I ask him(probe him further) to find out why he didn't want to make out(because that was all I wanted to do anyway lol) or should I just leave it alone and take him at his word for it(he had claimed that he didn't want to kiss drunk, that he likes kissing sober better and I got an attitude with him since I was drunk and I was like "really" and he just took my hands and said "I'm probably going to ask you out a thousand more times over the next couple of weeks, so we'll get a chance, etc."
Honestly I'm embarrassed. I felt rejected because he didn't want to kiss me and then on top of it I'm embarrassed that I even tried to get him to--that was not like me at all. And then(this is even more embarrasing) when we were hugging I kept laying my head on his chest and kissing on his neck. honestly I really hope he doesn't remember since he was drunk as well.
I've never been aggressive like that toward a guy when I'm drunk.
So should I ask him(probe him further) to find out why he didn't want to make out(because that was all I wanted to do anyway lol) or should I just leave it alone and take him at his word for it(he had claimed that he didn't want to kiss drunk, that he likes kissing sober better and I got an attitude with him since I was drunk and I was like "really" and he just took my hands and said "I'm probably going to ask you out a thousand more times over the next couple of weeks, so we'll get a chance, etc."
Honestly I'm embarrassed. I felt rejected because he didn't want to kiss me and then on top of it I'm embarrassed that I even tried to get him to--that was not like me at all. And then(this is even more embarrasing) when we were hugging I kept laying my head on his chest and kissing on his neck. honestly I really hope he doesn't remember since he was drunk as well.
I've never been aggressive like that toward a guy when I'm drunk.
You're a shy little bird, aren't you? He likely remembers most of what transpired; given that you, who was even more impaired, remember I personally think you are overthinking this. It's very simple, really. Either you give him a brief apology (and in turn gauge his response to the situation) or you flat out ask him why he didn't respond to your drunken advances. I'm a person who believes in grabbing a bull by its horns....I can't abide uncertainty and have little tolerance for running through worst-case scenarios in my head.
In my opinion, the guy already intimated to not wanting to rush things and I think his explanation would have been sufficient for me. You obsessively worrying about what a person could be thinking is neither healthy nor productive. I say either ask him directly, or wait for things to unfold.
Your ego is bruised. Leave the ego out of it, and go out with him without drinking.
Haha your right. My ego was def. bruised I've always had guys wanting to get physical ASAP and jumping on the first opportunity to make it happen. So when he didnt I felt unattractive and like he just didnt want to hurt my feelings so he made up that excuse. I'm very embarrassed that I did that. I've drank before and never came on to a guy like that. I don't know what came over me. I'm not going to bring it up and honestly just forget that it happened. Lol
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).
. He tucked me in bed and slept on the couch in the living room....and then took me home the next morning without even broaching the issue. After summoning the nerve to ask him about his behavior later the next day, he said he "hates drunk girls" and was actually turned off by how I acted. He was an older guy in his late 30s who'd dated extensively and detested "immature girls". He did, however, give me another chance after I explained my low alcohol tolerance.
He likely remembers most of what transpired; given that you, who was even more impaired, remember
I personally think you are overthinking this. It's very simple, really. Either you give him a brief apology (and in turn gauge his response to the situation) or you flat out ask him why he didn't respond to your drunken advances. I'm a person who believes in grabbing a bull by its horns....I can't abide uncertainty and have little tolerance for running through worst-case scenarios in my head. 
