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Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,076,059 times
Reputation: 11862
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First proper relationship with a woman (or man if he's gay), not including those playful relationships when you're 11 or something. Involving regular sex and romantic attachments, unless your religion or personal beliefs make you wait for marriage.
I've heard of guys who are average or even good looking, who have great personalities, but just lack one ingredient to be successful or find a woman - i.e. they're a bit shy, afraid of intimacy, not good at reading signals/body language, or they simply have been unlucky or haven't had the chance because of circumstances.
When I was 14 I thought I'd have had a girlfriend before I graduated high school. I was a shy introvert so that was no biggie. Uni started and I became more social but I could never crack the 'friend barrier', and I never felt anything more than a mild crush, on girls who were mostly unavailable. Tried online dating but that didn't go anywhere. At social functions I feel there's a glass ceiling preventing anything romantic from happening. I did really fancy this one girl, but later found out she wasn't single either.
I'm 26 now, and have a lot of anxiety and have given up looking for now. But anyway...please don't make this about me, or another advice thread. I've heard it all, join a 'club', work on my social skills, confidence etc. I will do that, I don't think I'm cut out to be single all my life, but I'm pretty much the only one I know from school who hasn't had a girlfriend yet.
I'm probably not that 'normal', but do you think if someone is in my situation there's a major barrier for him to ever find love/happiness, or do you really think my luck could change and I have a good chance of finding 'the one'?
I think in college is where even the most socially awkward folks can manage to find someone to date. If you did not go to college of a decent size, or not at all, then I can see how it would be harder to connect with girls.
You should evaluate your shortcomings and try to fix them. Ask some girls you know to tell you what they think you could improve on. Work on being the best you possible, then just wait until the right person comes along. Do what fulfills you while you wait for her.
What they say is true is you will meet someone when you least expect it. Look at it this way...if you were involved with the wrong person right now, you could miss the one who is the right one.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,076,059 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts
I think in college is where even the most socially awkward folks can manage to find someone to date. If you did not go to college of a decent size, or not at all, then I can see how it would be harder to connect with girls.
You should evaluate your shortcomings and try to fix them. Ask some girls you know to tell you what they think you could improve on. Work on being the best you possible, then just wait until the right person comes along. Do what fulfills you while you wait for her.
What they say is true is you will meet someone when you least expect it. Look at it this way...if you were involved with the wrong person right now, you could miss the one who is the right one.
There's another thing I don't like mentioning. My anxiety is so bad it's kind of reduced my sex drive a lot, and I think I may have some form of psychological impotence. Actually this is the first time I've admitted this even online, aside from friends, but it's definitely actually been a huge factor in making me not try harder. I think if I can relax it will subside though, but these thoughts are so deep-seated and have been with me for some many years.
In uni I did a course with only about 30 people. The only girls i found attractive weren't single. Everyone acts like it's so easy to meet girls in uni/college, but how/where? Was I supposed to just randomly go up to a girl in the library and chat to her, ask for her number? Most of us here in Oz don't live on campus so there's hardly any campus life.
I'd say about 16 to 18. After that, you are increasingly at a disadvantage in the dating/mating game due to lack of experience versus most other people. It is mostly a learned skill, as is sex.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,076,059 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by TaoistDude
I'd say about 16 to 18. After that, you are increasingly at a disadvantage in the dating/mating game due to lack of experience versus most other people. It is mostly a learned skill, as is sex.
Oh well, I kinda feel my life has been a failure in many ways anyway so this is no exception.
Here's the thing, though, Trimac - a disadvantaged start is NOT a failure. You can fix this, but it will take more effort and commitment. It is worth it. The other thing is that even a little more experience will pay off hugely as your life goes on. Of course, if this isn't a priority for you, then don't worry about it and just do whatever else makes you happy.
With the emphasis on the "socially well-adjusted" part of the question, I would say by age 18-20.
If my daughters are anything to go by, one had her first serious relationship from age 14-16, and her second from age 17-19. The other one now has her first serious boyfriend and she is 15.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,076,059 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by TaoistDude
Here's the thing, though, Trimac - a disadvantaged start is NOT a failure. You can fix this, but it will take more effort and commitment. It is worth it. The other thing is that even a little more experience will pay off hugely as your life goes on. Of course, if this isn't a priority for you, then don't worry about it and just do whatever else makes you happy.
At one point I was pretty down about it. Now I think trying to build some semblance of a life and getting back enthusiasm for life is taking up most of my focus. My worsening anxiety has made me LESS confident than I was 3-4 years ago. Before that I was getting better. I'm pretty cynical about love, I don't expect that much anymore. We live, we fall in love, we pro-create, we die. If there's no afterlife, that's it, maybe 30 years of happiness, so I put things into perspective.
I have to ask because I am nosy, but what makes you, as a virgin, believe you have psychological impotence?
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