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Old 11-11-2013, 09:38 PM
 
6,732 posts, read 9,962,920 times
Reputation: 6848

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It will take some time -- probably several years -- before you can sort out what you did wrong and what you didn't. And what she manipulated you into.

Don't try to do it right now. Take a break from telling yourself you screwed up. That feeling will just make you want to get back with her.

What you need to do now is be kind to yourself, forgive yourself, and stay away from her.

A therapist is very, very helpful for a normal person like you who has had a run in with someone like her. Are you a student? You can probably see someone at student health for free.
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Old 11-12-2013, 08:03 AM
 
Location: Terra
2,826 posts, read 3,973,476 times
Reputation: 3373
I got out of situation because I didn't wanna look like a ***** to my friends and hers.
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Old 11-12-2013, 08:13 AM
 
Location: Texas
5,004 posts, read 7,844,548 times
Reputation: 5695
Quote:
Originally Posted by wiretoggle View Post
I broke up with her before... and she went pretty crazy. She said she left her ex for me and now can't believe that I wanted to leave her. She didn't eat for a week, lost a ton of weight and really got sick. I ended up getting back together with her because it truthfully scared me. I know now that she was manipulating me and actually went to look up antisocial personality disorder, as what suggested by stepka.

She falls across almost every symptom.

This girl is beyond gorgeous, is intelligent to a fault, and is used to controlling and manipulating those around her. It's taken me a long time to realize that and just now -- texted her and told her not to come over tonight.

I'm not going to deal with this anymore. I feel ashamed of myself for acting this way and allowing myself to get hurt. It's funny to hear comments from strangers and take them to heart -- but I think I just needed some other people to verify the fact that this is not healthy... so thank you, everyone.
She sounds like a hot mess. Send her my way please!
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Old 11-12-2013, 09:41 AM
 
1,344 posts, read 1,732,421 times
Reputation: 1750
You not only need to end it with you, but you also ought to blacklist her and let ALL of her FB friends and aqantices know that she is radioactive.

By doing this, everyone around her will know to stay the hell away from her. Its like if I buy a defective product from a department store that causes me injury, I have a duty to warn others not to buy it so they dont get injured as well.
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Old 11-12-2013, 09:55 AM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,687 posts, read 19,824,686 times
Reputation: 42955
I stopped reading after the 3rd line when you said, she kept dating the other guy after you slept with her.

She's TRASH. Move on!
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Old 11-12-2013, 09:58 AM
 
2,758 posts, read 4,943,491 times
Reputation: 3014
Quote:
Originally Posted by wiretoggle View Post
I started out a relationship very poorly. The girl I was seeing had another boyfriend at the time for many years. Her and I knew each other for a few months and were close friends. She always had a lot of guy friends and one of her best friends is a guy.

One night her and I slept together. She came over my place for drinks and a movie and one thing turned into the next and we woke up in bed the next day.

Afterwards, she continued seeing me for months -- while still being with her (ex) boyfriend at the time. She kept saying she'd break up... but didn't until he finally broke up her her six month later. She was staying at my place all that time, we'd go on small vacations, and he was cool with it all the time because she told him that we were just friends. The guy must have known or he just didn't care. She said they stopped sleeping together since her and I got together... but who knows if that was true or not.

She went to visit her father across the country for a couple of weeks and during that time, had met a guy and spent a week hanging out with him. They stayed out all night a couple of times... assuring me that they were just talking and hanging out -- but she had admitting that they once held each other and fell asleep.

After she got back, she admitted everything and I broke up with her. We ended up getting back together... but once again, she started lying. She was still texting sweet messages to her ex and was even texting her old bf as well - reminiscing about old times... but in a very close and sensual way. I found this out because she left her phone in the bathroom... and I looked at her messages because I didn't trust her.

As I type this... I am discovering how much of an idiot I am.

She lies to family and friends all the time, says how much she wants to be with me... spends almost all her free time with me, but still -- I can't trust her at all and fact of the matter am afraid to let her go because I guess I'm afraid to be alone. Overall, my stress is at an all-time high and I have a ton of anxiety because I just can't believe a thing she says to me.

Why in the hell am I having such a hard time breaking up with her? I know it's easy to reply about being a coward and that's already true, I guess... so let's avoid that. I've had a lot of bad relationships in the past and have never cheated on any of them, so I'm already a bit scarred in that department.

But yea, she's a liar, I confront her about it... but I guess I don't have any self-respect and feel really ashamed at myself for not being stronger.

Has anyone else come across this situation and if so, how did you get out of it?
Regarding the first bolded: I wonder how often this occurs. In my situation, to my knowledge, this wasn't the case. I think she was 'single' when I stated dating the person in my story.
The second bolded sounds so familiar.
One time I dated a woman I met from online who lied a lot.
She lied to her parents, her friends, to EVERYONE.
And she was a bad lier. She lied so much, that she wasn't really able to get close to anyone mentally cause there were all these conflicting stories she fabricated about where she was and who she was with.

I also had high anxiety at the time. My instincts were screaming at me to end it. My logic at the time was that she would relax and come around eventually. She NEVER did stop her lieing ways.
She basically was using me the whole time. I look back and I am frustrated that I wasted my time with her, I kept saying to myself, "She cant be THAT bad...."
She kind of was.... THAT bad.

When we broke up, she was already transitioning to other guys. In fact, she had reached out to one of her ex-FB's and she wound up dating him pretty much immediately, if not without my knowledge before, we broke up.

Considering the woman in the OP past behavior, the constant cheating, and lieing....

RUN, don't walk.... RUN away. End it. And never talk to her again. Those kind of people are the one's that can turn someone into a bitter angry person. And the worst part is that you are allowing it to happen, so in the end, you wind up being pi$$ed at YOURSELF.

Stop everything with this woman. She is really really really bad news. AND SHE ALWAYS WILL BE. No amount of time or patience will change her. This is who she is, believe it.
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Old 11-12-2013, 10:04 AM
 
457 posts, read 691,004 times
Reputation: 536
My last GF was a pathological liar. We dated for about a year and a half, and after three months of torture I just finally cut her 110% out of my life and never looked back. It ****ed with me for a while, but eventually I came back to and I'm better than ever.
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Old 11-12-2013, 10:11 AM
 
Location: Bronx, New York
2,134 posts, read 3,032,824 times
Reputation: 3209
You are no different than a woman with a cheating man so the answer and end result should be the same. DUMP HER! You can't make someone be something they aren't and this chick is a liar and a cheater. Wishing for her to be different than what she is...is like being a child crying for the moon.

Question: What did Albert Einstein say regarding the definition of stupidity?
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Old 11-12-2013, 10:24 AM
 
Location: SacTown
1,259 posts, read 1,245,661 times
Reputation: 1965
please grow a pair and man up.
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Old 11-12-2013, 12:17 PM
 
10 posts, read 10,558 times
Reputation: 15
I broke up with her last night. Amidst the crying and begging for me not to leave her... she mentioned that she thought I moved past everything and that we were doing really good.

In response, I asked her about the letter I found in her bag with some money that her ex owed her a few weeks ago. I found the letter because she was getting out of the shower and asked me to get her a shirt out of the bag.

The letter was really sweet, was ended with an I Love You, and contained a couple hundred dollars. Later that day I asked her if he paid her back yet and she said, "No."

For some reason, I didn't bring it up to her and let it stew -- thinking I was overreacting. I asked her again a week later and she said he paid her only half. My mind was so confused that I just couldn't understand why she should would lie about something like this.

Last night, when I asked her -- she told me that she thought the letter was inappropriate and the way he gave her the money was as well, so she gave it back to him and didn't tell me about it because she thought it would possibly upset me and didn't want to deal with it. I can understand and even slightly believe returning the letter -- but the money as well? Just to have it redelivered? Makes no sense at all.

I came to the conclusion that no matter what I discover her doing -- saying -- of excusing herself on, it will never stop me from never being able to trust her.

So now I wake a little foggy but feeling clear. She texted and apologized, said she wasn't going to work, and that she wouldn't text again unless I do -- which I won't.

Such an odd feeling... but necessary. My stress has definitely went down.
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