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Hey all, been doing real well with my new life in Seattle the last 3 months since I moved and i've been on more dates I have in last few months then I have in years.
Some of the dates have gone better then others, but its been enjoyable and real opening to see maturity and life out look differences between women from their early 20's i've dated to the much more mature, strict and less flexible career oriented women in their 30's like me.
Anyway, for many personal reasons which I will not get into or waste time with explaining, I pretty much decided a few years ago and have cemented it this year that I will never have the desire and want to raise children and become a father. I"ll be turning 34 mid next year and plan on having a vasectomy to finalize my decision on this.
That being said, I need some input on how and when should I bring up my decision about not wanting children and my surgery while im seeing someone? I still haven't gotten a good feel of how "soon" I should bring it up and possibly not enjoy a new date at all if I bring it up during first meeting with someone. But im also worried about the upset and heartache of bringing it up too "late" in being in a relationship with a lady. Should I somehow bring the subject up in casual conversation before I even ask for phone number or would that be even worse then bringing it up later after a date or two?
Thoughts would be appreciated. And no, don't bother wasting internet bandwith trying to change/alter my mind, it won't work.
If you are doing online dating, that's easy -- put it in your profile. Screen out the girls who want babies.
With someone you met first IRL, I'd say second or third date, not first. Unless she mentions wanting kids on the first date (I have dated guys who did this).
To me, the purpose of the first date is just to decide if you want a second date . Then the purpose of the next few dates is to decide if you want to try out a relationship and see how that goes. So that's the time to bring up any dealbreakers. And before sex!
Hey all, been doing real well with my new life in Seattle the last 3 months since I moved and i've been on more dates I have in last few months then I have in years.
Some of the dates have gone better then others, but its been enjoyable and real opening to see maturity and life out look differences between women from their early 20's i've dated to the much more mature, strict and less flexible career oriented women in their 30's like me.
Anyway, for many personal reasons which I will not get into or waste time with explaining, I pretty much decided a few years ago and have cemented it this year that I will never have the desire and want to raise children and become a father. I"ll be turning 34 mid next year and plan on having a vasectomy to finalize my decision on this.
That being said, I need some input on how and when should I bring up my decision about not wanting children and my surgery while im seeing someone? I still haven't gotten a good feel of how "soon" I should bring it up and possibly not enjoy a new date at all if I bring it up during first meeting with someone. But im also worried about the upset and heartache of bringing it up too "late" in being in a relationship with a lady. Should I somehow bring the subject up in casual conversation before I even ask for phone number or would that be even worse then bringing it up later after a date or two?
Thoughts would be appreciated. And no, don't bother wasting internet bandwith trying to change/alter my mind, it won't work.
The sooner the better AT. As Nila said, be sure it's in your online dating profile.
Mention it casually in general conversation from the beginning and this way all women know from the git go where you stand and can't be surprised or disappointed after they've begun to invest emotionally in you
The sooner the better AT. As Nila said, be sure it's in your online dating profile.
Mention it casually in general conversation from the beginning and this way all women know from the git go where you stand and can't be surprised or disappointed after they've begun to invest emotionally in you
What she ^ said. Definitely NOT something to wait on.
I think it comes up pretty easily sooner, rather than later on it's very own. As others have mentioned with online dating, it is very easy to let people know that in your own profile. But you seem to prefer 'regular' meeting of people.
While people urge people not to talk about their children early on in the first few dates, it is going to happen. People are going to tell you about their children, or their want to have children.
I certainly wouldn't let a woman become vested in a relationship with you without them knowing.
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. Then the purpose of the next few dates is to decide if you want to try out a relationship and see how that goes. So that's the time to bring up any dealbreakers. And before sex!
