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Old 11-18-2013, 12:03 PM
 
1,156 posts, read 2,383,553 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by freedom125 View Post
If you meet in real life, that means that somehow you two met in a completely unrelated circumstance and found out through natural means that you started to like each other, based on your interests, hobbies, personalities and other stuff.

If you meet someone on a dating site and go out with them, it completely skips that step, you know? It's like, you enter your information and boom, here is someone you are supposed to be compatible with. Skip the step of even figuring that out, just go see if you two are bound to be together, you know what I mean? It almost feels like it would be a race to simply see how quickly you are compatible or not, and I'm afraid that could create some false emotions in some really lonely people.
Lonely people, absolutely. And I totally agree with you on that one.

I guess the one problem I see with dating sites is that a lot of people have a big laundry list of what they "want" rather than what they absolutely need. I fell in love with a great guy once -- had he been on a dating site, I would have looked at his profile and thought, "Dealbreaker, dealbreaker, dealbreaker ..." For example, he was a social smoker. I never wanted to date a smoker! He wasn't really that good-looking either (at least not in photographs), but when we met IRL, his personality just shone.

I think that when we assess people online, we're subconsciously imposing specific criteria -- always thinking, "No, I can't go for that." Not always, but a lot. And we don't even know we're doing it. Online dating sites should be just one way of meeting other people -- you have to be open to the possibility of running into someone you like at the market, on the bus, or on the jogging trail.
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Old 11-18-2013, 12:13 PM
 
Location: The point of no return, er, NorCal
7,400 posts, read 6,380,646 times
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Are most desperate? No, I wouldn't say that. It is simply one of many mediums to meet people, and can be very effective. Every man I have dated, including my high school boyfriend, I met online.

The likelihood of finding someone I am truly compatible with "out and about" is slim to none. I like to know certain things very early on that may be odd to ask after having just met someone in person. You know, like "Which is bigger, the sun or the earth?" or "Do you believe in dinosaurs?" I mean, these are important questions to me. I prefer to know if we're compatible in this area at the beginning than weeks down the line.
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Old 11-18-2013, 12:16 PM
 
14,078 posts, read 16,635,530 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by freedom125 View Post
I am thinking about taking a look at some dating sites to see what they are like. But what I *don't* want is a bunch of desperate girls to come out of nowhere trying to connect with me just because they are desperate. I don't want to hang out with someone and for them to blindly think we are meant to be together, just because their need to find a significant other is so great that it's all they can focus on.


I would love to find some people with similar interests/personalities just to start hanging out with, and then if it goes anywhere from there, that's great.

Does that make sense? Is that even possible with dating sites, or is it more likely that I will just find a mass of really lonely girls who immediately start thinking about whether a guy they are hanging out with is their soulmate or not?
I don't really think you have to worry about a bunch of lonely, desperate women contacting you online. They have enough lonely, desperate men contacting them that they'll probably just delete your message when YOU contact THEM.
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Old 11-18-2013, 01:05 PM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,037,797 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Metaphysique View Post
Are most desperate? No, I wouldn't say that. It is simply one of many mediums to meet people, and can be very effective. Every man I have dated, including my high school boyfriend, I met online.

The likelihood of finding someone I am truly compatible with "out and about" is slim to none. I like to know certain things very early on that may be odd to ask after having just met someone in person. You know, like "Which is bigger, the sun or the earth?" or "Do you believe in dinosaurs?" I mean, these are important questions to me. I prefer to know if we're compatible in this area at the beginning than weeks down the line.

Haha, two of my deal breaker questions!
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Old 11-18-2013, 01:16 PM
 
Location: Up in the air
19,112 posts, read 30,658,998 times
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Well, I'm not super attractive and I have physical attributes that only a very very small portion of men would be okay with, so online dating has been the only way I've been able to date thus far. I did it for a little over 4 years before meeting my boyfriend through a dating site, and it's the only relationship that has come from it.

I think OLD is wonderful for people who may not be societies image of attractive or desirable because then they can find other people who are kinda like them
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Old 11-18-2013, 01:34 PM
 
663 posts, read 779,315 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
I'm not who you asked this of, but I don't date co workers, friends of co workers, or friends of friends. I believe in strong boundaries.
So if you don't date friends of friends, friends of coworkers, then how do you meet dates in real life?

Besides randoms in bars and nightclubs. So your only choice is online then right?
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Old 11-18-2013, 01:39 PM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,037,797 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by techcrium View Post
So if you don't date friends of friends, friends of coworkers, then how do you meet dates in real life?

Besides randoms in bars and nightclubs. So your only choice is online then right?

No, but OLD was part of it. Sometimes clubs (seeing bands). A few times alumni events (my grad school as a big alumni network). One I was with for two years we were at the same coffee shop time and time again. A photography meet up group once. It varies.
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Old 11-18-2013, 02:14 PM
 
Location: Canada
11,812 posts, read 12,060,966 times
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I thought the point of online dating was to have more options than you would in your everyday life, not because of desperation.
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Old 11-18-2013, 02:31 PM
 
9,639 posts, read 6,031,971 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by freedom125 View Post
First off I want to say that I definitely realize on any dating site that there will be both normal, well-adjusted people, and that there will also be desperate, overwhelming people.


I think it would pretty fair to guess that most people visiting and contributing on this forum, who are also on dating sites, would fall into the "normal, well-adjusted" category.

So no offense whatsoever intended to anyone who is on those sites, but I do have a question or two to ask about those websites:


I am a nice, friendly, polite, confident guy. I'm athletic, reasonably tall and not ugly (I'm no supermodel, but I'm certainly not repulsive). In high school, I won the 'Best Personality' award.


In other words, I always assumed I would be the type of guy who would never even consider having to worry about going to an online dating site.


However, there are some things about me that have made dating hard. I tend to live out in wilderness-y areas with little to no population around. I love the solitude of the wild. I've also turned into a bit of an introvert (different than being shy) and I don't enjoy going out to bars or getting drunk. I like exploring, hiking, campfires, reading, things like that. Not partying.


ANYWAY, that's all beside the point. Sorry for the rambling.


What I'm trying to say is, it's just really, really hard to meet people in the situation I'm in. There is little to no social life in my environment, mostly because I live in the middle of freaking nowhere.


I am thinking about taking a look at some dating sites to see what they are like. But what I *don't* want is a bunch of desperate girls to come out of nowhere trying to connect with me just because they are desperate. I don't want to hang out with someone and for them to blindly think we are meant to be together, just because their need to find a significant other is so great that it's all they can focus on.


I would love to find some people with similar interests/personalities just to start hanging out with, and then if it goes anywhere from there, that's great.

Does that make sense? Is that even possible with dating sites, or is it more likely that I will just find a mass of really lonely girls who immediately start thinking about whether a guy they are hanging out with is their soulmate or not?
Not reading your post but...

I joined a dating site to broaden horizons when I was busy in my day to day life.

I found a girl a couple years ago going to a different school I highly doubt I would have met in the day to day grind.
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Old 11-18-2013, 02:49 PM
 
7,855 posts, read 10,304,977 times
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where I live , the female population ( around my age ) will always be small due to lack of employment opportunites , online dating makes sense
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