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Old 11-19-2013, 07:28 PM
 
Location: Indiana
448 posts, read 764,599 times
Reputation: 249

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Normally I'm self sufficient enough to deal with things like this but this is still bothering me after a while of trying to deal with it on my own. If anyone is up for a long read and wants to help me understand what is going on here I'd really appreciate it. With that I have more or less "moved on" and dated other women after this girl and I'm not pursuing her anymore but the thing is there is no way I can get her out of my life so I can truly stop interacting with her for more than couple weeks at a time.

Like I said its a long post but I tried to keep it as short as I could without taking out any of the things that put this in context.




I met this girl last year through a friend in a class (we’re in college), we got along pretty well as people and she ended up joining a team with me so we spent a lot of time together. I eventually asked her out and got turned down due to a boyfriend I had never heard about. I moved on but remained friends to keep things civil on the tem. Later she’s being a little flirty and spending a lot of time asking me for help on various things, so I help her as much as I’d help any friend. At this point a lot of people on the team think we’re going out but keeping it secret.

By the time summer rolls around we’re good friends if nothing more. We text a lot and she starts getting flirty and I so I escalate it and it’s all going pretty well. We hang out a few times (living 2 hours apart) and she spends the weekend at my place and we watch some movies and do some kind of romantic stuff. Without going into all the details around this time she started acting about like we were dating by sending me goodnight texts, and selfies, and so on. It felt right to talk to her about my feelings again and I pretty much asked her to go out with me. She said she felt the same way she did before and she’s sorry if she led me on but she admits she was flirting with me. At that point I wanted some space from her which I think is understandable, she still texted me often but I didn't respond like I did before.

When the next school year starts up we are taking several of the same classes but at different times. She ends up transferring into my classes and acts like we’re best friends. Which we’re not, we get along fairly well but I really don’t want to be her best friend. I keep trying to push her away, especially since I’ve got my feelings going on. Rather than taking the hint and hanging out with her other friends she starts being flirty with me again, and texting me more, and pretty much hitting on me. If we go somewhere she’ll eat some my food (and then I’m stuck eating some of hers if I want to get what I paid for), shares my drinks, and she’s even paid for my food before without expecting anything back. She always dresses nicely around me and if we’re watching a movie or something she sits next to/almost on me. There have been numerous occasions where she’s “accidentally” bumped her chest or butt into me. It’s actually gotten to a point where if she weren't so attractive I’d call it sexual harassment. Now I’m not calling any of that a problem, to be honest I like it and I’ve stopped reading in to it. One thing that does bother me is that she does this at parties(that I can't not invite her to, don't worry about why) and has scared away other women that were actually interested in me by acting all sexy around me and drunk me doesn't’t have the self-control to turn away a hot chick that’s acting as interested as she does.

The result of all this is I’m confused and feel like an idiot because if she were anyone else I’d probably be in a very good position. Does this make sense to anyone? What could be going on here? What is she doing?

PS. This is not a “friend zone” situation where I’m just some guy who is hopelessly trying to get with some girl that doesn’t like me and doing her a whole bunch of favors along the way. I don't really want to date her that much at this point and she's giving me quite a lot to work with here and putting a lot of effort into this. She also never talks to me about normal “friend zone” things. We’ve actually had what I would call “couple fights” over things like the way I dress or how I feel about kids. I’m always stunned that she feels she has any say in things like that when we are not dating. At the same time she is not the kind of girl who is looking to hook up I know for a fact she is not interested in that.

Thanks for reading.

EDIT: I don't want her to stop acting interested around me, its fun. I would like an understanding of what is going on so I can just not worry about it. Also I feel that will help me with pushing her away at parties.

Last edited by InternetTroll; 11-19-2013 at 08:02 PM..
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Old 11-19-2013, 07:30 PM
 
Location: The Great West
2,084 posts, read 2,623,595 times
Reputation: 4112
Does she actually have a boyfriend? If so, does she ever talk about him around you?
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Old 11-19-2013, 07:36 PM
 
11,864 posts, read 17,007,888 times
Reputation: 20090
Sounds like she gets her ego fed by messing with you. Even if you don't react to an accidental boob bump, she knows it gets to you.

You could put a stop to it, you know. She can only do what you let her.
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Old 11-19-2013, 07:37 PM
 
Location: Windsor, Ontario, Canada
11,222 posts, read 16,435,276 times
Reputation: 13536
Quote:
Originally Posted by the minx View Post
Sounds like she gets her ego fed by messing with you. Even if you don't react to an accidental boob bump, she knows it gets to you.

You could put a stop to it, you know. She can only do what you let her.

Ah. Those are the words I was searching for! Thanks, Minx!
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Old 11-19-2013, 07:38 PM
 
Location: Indiana
448 posts, read 764,599 times
Reputation: 249
Quote:
Originally Posted by savoytruffle View Post
Does she actually have a boyfriend? If so, does she ever talk about him around you?
I know he's real and I've seen pictures of them on facebook and mutual friends have told me about him and how much he sucks etc. She never talks to me about him, I'd even say she hides him from me a little.
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Old 11-19-2013, 07:39 PM
 
1,194 posts, read 1,400,415 times
Reputation: 4102
Sounds like you've convinced yourself there's something there, that she's secretly hot for you.

But you're not dating and she has said outright she's not interested, so...
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Old 11-19-2013, 07:39 PM
 
Location: Indiana
448 posts, read 764,599 times
Reputation: 249
Quote:
Originally Posted by the minx View Post
Sounds like she gets her ego fed by messing with you. Even if you don't react to an accidental boob bump, she knows it gets to you.

You could put a stop to it, you know. She can only do what you let her.
But I don't do much at all really. By encourage it I more mean I don't tell her to go away.
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Old 11-19-2013, 07:41 PM
 
11,864 posts, read 17,007,888 times
Reputation: 20090
Quote:
Originally Posted by InternetTroll View Post
But I don't do much at all really. By encourage it I more mean I don't tell her to go away.
Exactly. You let it happen.
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Old 11-19-2013, 07:42 PM
 
Location: Indiana
448 posts, read 764,599 times
Reputation: 249
Quote:
Originally Posted by JoeCollege View Post
Sounds like you've convinced yourself there's something there, that she's secretly hot for you.

But you're not dating and she has said outright she's not interested, so...
Not really. I don't have feelings for her, on some levels I dislike her quite a lot. The thing is we pretty much work together, are in several of the same classes, and have a lot of the same friends, and I can't help but wonder what the hell is going on when I can't just make her go away.
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Old 11-19-2013, 07:44 PM
 
1,194 posts, read 1,400,415 times
Reputation: 4102
She's probably madly in love with you. Too bad you don't like her.
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