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Old 11-20-2013, 11:57 PM
3 posts, read 4,356 times
Reputation: 10


Ive had a female friend for a few years. Shes young (20) and although we never dated, we had a strong attraction and connection in the beginning of our relationship. I wasn't aggressive enough and I missed my shot. She hasnt dated anyone else but shes been talking to a lot of guys and getting a lot of attention. Over the summer she fell VERY hard for this guy (hes young too). She was head over heels for him. I got jealous but I didnt show it and just let it be. We lost touch but then she came back around. She calls me pretty much everyday and we have great talks. The other guy doesnt have the mental connection to her but hes very good looking and she has the "butterflies and thrill" feeling she doesnt get from me from him for whatever reason.

Recently they had a falling out and things went bad. i was there for her (typical nice guy friendzone move) and by the end she told me that she knew she didnt want to be close to him anymore. She said hes immature and a loser jerk etc. She claims she cut him off. She told me he kissd her but she didnt want him to ( probably not true). But i did see her pull away from him and I felt her draw even closer to me. it was great. until this week.

I know she talked to him at the beginning of the week. She claimed it was to clear the air. But the day they talked was the first time she didnt call me back. She called the next day. She was very careful to barely mention him and underplayed anything they talked about. Today she called me and we had a good talk. However i can see on and app that we all use that shes been snapchatting him all night. Almost 100 snaps back and forth. Thats how the were everynight when they first met so Im figuring they must be back on together. She wont mention it to me though. It bothers me beacuse she used to tell me everything. I know she is just embarrassed since me and her friends all told her not to go back to him. She swore she never would. So i think shes lying to not seem like she fell back in.

My question is: Do i mention to her that i know she's back talking to him and that im not trying to judge her. Id rather know whats going on and be close instead of her having to hide things. Im afraid if I push the issue she will just back off me and think im coming on too strong and getting in her business. She tells me everything so I think i have a right and she tells me "if you see me doing something dumb tell me"

So should i just let it go and try to be her friend through it or should i call her out and let the cards fall as the will? I know i should probably leave it alone but Id almost rather it fall apart if shes going to live this double life type of deal. thanks for any help adn advice you might have
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Old 11-21-2013, 12:21 AM
6,737 posts, read 9,206,489 times
Reputation: 6812
This dynamic happens a lot between older men and younger women.

She thinks that you know she can never be attracted to you, just like you think that women 10 or 20 years older than you know you will never be attracted to them.

Because she feels certain of this, she feels comfortable being friends with you, and talking to you openly about what is going on in her life, including her relationships. She thinks that you are actually in this for the friendship.

If you let her know that you would be interested in dating her, in her mind you will immediately change from friend to creepy uncle. There is no upside.
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Old 11-21-2013, 12:24 AM
35,103 posts, read 45,953,887 times
Reputation: 62362
You and your friends told her already to stay away from him and she apparantly has gone back.
Stay out of it and if you do not want to hear her romance woes with this guy tell her that topic is not open for discussion when it all falls apart again.
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Old 11-21-2013, 12:57 AM
175 posts, read 253,153 times
Reputation: 233
Don't mention it - she hasn't mentioned it to you. She might find it a bit weird that you've deciphered this via snap chat. As far as your concerned she hasn't mentioned it therefore your unaware.

Your both very young, let her make her own mistakes. The other question you have to ask is do you have a romantic interest in her or just friends? You also have to decide if your going to do anything about it or let it be. There's certainly no point in doing anything if you want to whilst she is involved with this guy.
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