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I think the hardest part for the dumper is getting over the emotional fall-out from the dumpee. If you can cut all contact with them then you're good to go because by the time you're ready to dump someone you're just done.
I suppose if the dumpee had cheated or been abusive or something like that - it might be harder on the dumper. But in most cases, I think it's definitely the dumpee that has it the worst.
Dumpee has it way worse.
The dumper may experience remorse or guilt for hurting someone else, but the hurt from being the dumpee is way worse than guilt or remorse.
The dumper kind of has a power. They are already moving on. They have already natually had a gradual kind of healthy decrease in attachment and emotion for the dumpee. The dumpee gets a sudden jolt of rejection and emotional distress. The decision is made for them, as oposed to coming to the conclusion themself.
Uh, just because someone thought about the situation prior to dumping someone does not really give them all the power. Nor is it always a gradual situation for the dumper. Yes, sometimes the dumper may have made the decision to dump the other long before they made the announcement, giving them plenty of time to "move on", but if this is the case, the other person should have seen the writing on the wall long before, too. Sorry, but when a person checks out of a relationship their actions generally show that.
Being dumped sucks, oh yes it does, but dumping someone is no walk in the park and I would bet that those on here who claim it is worse to be the dumpee saw the dumper as a person he or she really wasn't. As I wrote, you can generally get a sense that something is "not quite right" some time before the break up happens. And if the break-up happens out of the blue, or even if it were a long time coming, you are now free from someone who does not want to be with you. Which ultimately is a good thing as in reality they are doing you a huge favor by not drawing the relationship out even further, allowing you to find someone who truly wants to be with you. Yes, it is easier said than done, but think about it. Why there are people on here, and out in the real world, who believe that someone owes them love and commitment is beyond me.
Dumping someone is not easy, even if you have good reason to do so. Do you think that it is easy to watch the other crying and begging you to change your mind? To see them do everything they can think of in hopes of "winning you back"? To kick your own self in the behind and beat yourself up for seeing the hurt and then wondering if you could have made it work, even though you know it won't? Only a real douchebag would say no, and if that is the case, they are ultimately doing you a favor.
It royally sucks to be dumped, the heartache is the worst. But to say it is easier to dump someone...give me a break.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raptor76
That's what I want to know. Yes there may be situations where the dumper may take it hard for dumping someone else, but after they have done the deed, how much do they dwell on it compared to the dumpee? The person who is dumped at times takes a long time to move on, while the dumper usually moves on with their life pretty quickly after the fact.
It takes two people to make a relationship work, yet only one to end it. In all honesty, any reason to break-up with somebody is a valid reason. Just because you do not understand, get it, or simply think it is a stupid reason does not change the fact that the other has made a conscious decision to end it with you. When I was younger, I dwelled on it, too, often times thinking I made some sort of mistake, where things went wrong, and so on. If I couldn't find any legitimate reason to end the relationship, I moved on with the idea that the chick was lame. If I recognized I made some key mistakes, I didn't blame her. But always I realized that I still had a life to live and if it were to be with her, then it would be with someone else. Now that I am older, and I hope to never go through it again from either side, I at least now my own self worth and if it were to ever happen again it is probably for the best.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RogersParkGuy
I cannot imagine how it could ever be harder for the dumper. However painful it may be to break off with someone, at least the dumper are making the decision. That makes all the difference.
You can never prepare yourself enough and you never know how someone is going to react. Ever break-up with someone who just wasn't having it? Or who decided they were "going to show you" or "make you regret your decision"? Have you ever broke-up with someone only to have them say, "yeah, ok, you're right", and then you think to yourself hey, wait a minute!? Unless the relationship is long past due and both of you know this, breaking-up is rarely smooth sailing for either persons.
Uh, just because someone thought about the situation prior to dumping someone does not really give them all the power. Nor is it always a gradual situation for the dumper. Yes, sometimes the dumper may have made the decision to dump the other long before they made the announcement, giving them plenty of time to "move on", but if this is the case, the other person should have seen the writing on the wall long before, too. Sorry, but when a person checks out of a relationship their actions generally show that.
Being dumped sucks, oh yes it does, but dumping someone is no walk in the park and I would bet that those on here who claim it is worse to be the dumpee saw the dumper as a person he or she really wasn't. As I wrote, you can generally get a sense that something is "not quite right" some time before the break up happens. And if the break-up happens out of the blue, or even if it were a long time coming, you are now free from someone who does not want to be with you. Which ultimately is a good thing as in reality they are doing you a huge favor by not drawing the relationship out even further, allowing you to find someone who truly wants to be with you. Yes, it is easier said than done, but think about it. Why there are people on here, and out in the real world, who believe that someone owes them love and commitment is beyond me.
Dumping someone is not easy, even if you have good reason to do so. Do you think that it is easy to watch the other crying and begging you to change your mind? To see them do everything they can think of in hopes of "winning you back"? To kick your own self in the behind and beat yourself up for seeing the hurt and then wondering if you could have made it work, even though you know it won't? Only a real douchebag would say no, and if that is the case, they are ultimately doing you a favor.
It royally sucks to be dumped, the heartache is the worst. But to say it is easier to dump someone...give me a break.
It takes two people to make a relationship work, yet only one to end it. In all honesty, any reason to break-up with somebody is a valid reason. Just because you do not understand, get it, or simply think it is a stupid reason does not change the fact that the other has made a conscious decision to end it with you. When I was younger, I dwelled on it, too, often times thinking I made some sort of mistake, where things went wrong, and so on. If I couldn't find any legitimate reason to end the relationship, I moved on with the idea that the chick was lame. If I recognized I made some key mistakes, I didn't blame her. But always I realized that I still had a life to live and if it were to be with her, then it would be with someone else. Now that I am older, and I hope to never go through it again from either side, I at least now my own self worth and if it were to ever happen again it is probably for the best.
You can never prepare yourself enough and you never know how someone is going to react. Ever break-up with someone who just wasn't having it? Or who decided they were "going to show you" or "make you regret your decision"? Have you ever broke-up with someone only to have them say, "yeah, ok, you're right", and then you think to yourself hey, wait a minute!? Unless the relationship is long past due and both of you know this, breaking-up is rarely smooth sailing for either persons.
^This. I had one of those experiences, which is exactly why I think that it can be as hard to dump someone as be dumped. Like LM said, there is no winning here, both positions can suck.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,709 posts, read 41,870,976 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Raena77
I heard this on a radio station the other day of questioning on who has it harder-The Dumpee or The Dumper?
I believe with out a doubt it sucks more to be the Dumpee.
The radio host and callers had some good points for both sides.
I'm curious what CD thinks?
I hated being the dumper more than a dumpee. Nothing is worse than knowing you are going to crush someone. Maybe I do have a heart, I better stop that business.
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