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I do have a question though pertaining to the other component of the GF's in the OP's behavior. This is not a theoretical question because it is about a woman I know in real life.
Every week, she hooks up with a new person. I've hooked up with her on occasion. She laments not being able to find a boyfriend, she makes guys she is dating wait 6 months before she'll consider having sex with them, but routinely has sex outside of prospective boyfriends she is dating. Everyone who lives in her complex and at her workplace knows about her. As soon as someone who is dating her finds out about her behavior, they quickly break up with her.
Would you date her if she said that the reason she waits 6 months is because she is not that kind of girl and wants the special moment when they eventually have sex to be special, knowing that she is hooking up with a new guy every week?
What if the genders were switched? I have a hard time believing that anyone would put up with this. Not because of the exclusivity issue, that doesn't matter. But because of the other component I brought up.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Camlon
Normal work day is 9 to 5. What prevents you from hanging out with them after 5? Or 6 if you include commute.
Haha, seriously? What world are you in? I'm up at 5 (most people I know are up 5-6), then commute, then work 9-12 hours (who has a 9-5?), then gym/running, then commute. Probably an additional commute to see a person (it takes 45 min to even go a few towns away during rush hour). Plus you have other friends to spend time with, events, etc. Then you have volunteering, social events, alumni events, family (lots of women have kids), school (night school and/or weekend classes) and studying, travel for work and pleasure, chores, reading, more work you brought home... all and be back in bed by 10 /11 to be be up by 5-6. It isn't realistic to go out most worknights for most professional adults. One woman I'm dating I see once every other week, the week she doesn't have her daughters. Even if I was not open to dating other people, I wouldn't see her anymore than that. That is pretty normal for adult relationships.
Haha, seriously? What world are you in? I'm up at 5 (most people I know are up 5-6), then commute, then work 9-12 hours (who has a 9-5?), then gym/running, then commute. Probably an additional commute to see a person (it takes 45 min to even go a few towns away during rush hour). Plus you have other friends to spend time with, events, etc. Then you have volunteering, social events, alumni events, family (lots of women have kids), school (night school and/or weekend classes) and studying, travel for work and pleasure, chores, reading, more work you brought home... all and be back in bed by 10 /11 to be be up by 5-6. It isn't realistic to go out most worknights for most professional adults. One woman I'm dating I see once every other week, the week she doesn't have her daughters. Even if I was not open to dating other people, I wouldn't see her anymore than that. That is pretty normal for adult relationships.
Doesn't sound like you live in my world.
I don't live in your world and that honestly sounds miserable as hell. When I was single and working 60-70 hrs a week and working out 5 days a week I could still see 3 or 4 girls a week no problem. Usually reserved saturdays for friends.
I go into work at 6 and get off at 5, and my gf and I work out together 4 nights a week. Have date night once a week most weeks, and watch movies other nights. Pretty simple really..
Honestly if I was as busy as you I would make serious changes. I would hate that.
Everyone is different though and even though you may be fine with it, it doesn't mean everyone cares to live like that.
Many normal adults dont travel for work, study, or bring work home...
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by houstan-dan
I don't live in your world and that honestly sounds miserable as hell. When I was single and working 60-70 hrs a week and working out 5 days a week I could still see 3 or 4 girls a week no problem. Usually reserved saturdays for friends.
I go into work at 6 and get off at 5, and my gf and I work out together 4 nights a week. Have date night once a week most weeks, and watch movies other nights. Pretty simple really..
Honestly if I was as busy as you I would make serious changes. I would hate that.
Everyone is different though and even though you may be fine with it, it doesn't mean everyone cares to live like that.
Many normal adults dont travel for work, study, or bring work home...
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I pulled it off (going out more) in my 20s, but harder now. When you're in your 40s, myself and most of my peers have to spend more time at the gym/running (6x a week) and lots of people have family obligations, and of course people bring work home or work on a masters or certifications at night (and associated studying). Then there is times I watch my nephews when my SIL and brother travel for work, or have to do something for my elderly mother. Or, the person I'm spending time with has a similar obligation. This happens in the real world.
Of course, all those things aren't happening all the time, but they do eat up time.
And honestly, this is one of the great thing about having FBs or FWBs when you're dating casually, you can squeeze some quickies in, or have someone just come over at 10pm and have fun with less energy.
Hey everybody. I can't believe all the responses. Can't say I've read all of them in detail, but I have skimmed and I WILL read them all in detail later. It seems that a bunch of folks actually see things my way. Thanks!
Anyway, before I give yesterday's events I want to make two points: First, and for the last time, we have to this day not had the "exclusivity conversation." Second, I got the information about her FWB from a rock solid person - it's for real.
OK, so here's how it went. I actually played it completely differently than I thought I would before I came to this forum. I absolutely did not confront her. I decided to play it as cool as possible.
After dinner at her place we were chit chatting when I casually brought up the name of her FWB. I’ve only met the guy in passing a couple of times (she met him I think just after she met me) so it shouldn’t have surprised her. She got a bit flustered and I asked her about him. She said she didn’t know much and that he was a guy she met thru friends. Anyway, I said something like “don’t dig yourself into a hole. I’m cool with everything.” She didn’t know what to say. So we finished our drinks and then I showed that I was in the mood for sex. We did, but she wasn’t herself. Anyway, afterwards, I was all smiles when I left.
So my plan is this: Many women here are of the opinion that she did nothing wrong since we didn't talk about exclusivity. OK. So be it. That means she is perfectly within her rights to go and do whatever she wants with whoever she wants. Who knows? Maybe she is. BUT, that also means that I am perfectly within my rights to do whatever I want to as well.
And that is exactly what I am going to do.
Before I left her place last night she made some feeble comment like asking me if I wanted to talk about anything. I said no, everything is cool. So, come hell or high water, I will not have the exclusivity talk with her. And until she finds out about my new side fun, I will see her as a FWB. If / when she does find out, I will: a) point out that we never had the exclusivity talk, and b) point out that she did the same thing.
Now I know she wants us to move in together and to get serious. So I really have the upper hand here. I have no intention whatsoever of moving in together or of getting (any more) serious. I iz jus gonna have me some fun. When I came on the board yesterday I was wavering – I really was. The reaction of many women here really has opened my eyes on how completely deceitful a woman can be AND get approval for it. I guess the clincher for me was when I got called a big bag of douche. I know I am not. I have actually been respectful of women all my life. And that was probably my problem. Like one (male) poster suggested, I should act more *******y, less LTRish and I'll get laid more and with less headaches.
And that's exactly what I'm going to do. The fun continues tonight. We're going to get together again. I'm gonna push it a bit. If she's a real "lady" maybe I'll get my face slapped. If she "ain't no lay-dee" she'll go with it. Bets anyone?
Yesterday I was angry because I realized that I've been played (as many of the men here say). Today I am actually kind of smug if I'm going to be honest. And you know what? It feels OK.
Hey everybody. I can't believe all the responses. Can't say I've read all of them in detail, but I have skimmed and I WILL read them all in detail later. It seems that a bunch of folks actually see things my way. Thanks!
Anyway, before I give yesterday's events I want to make two points: First, and for the last time, we have to this day not had the "exclusivity conversation." Second, I got the information about her FWB from a rock solid person - it's for real.
OK, so here's how it went. I actually played it completely differently than I thought I would before I came to this forum. I absolutely did not confront her. I decided to play it as cool as possible.
After dinner at her place we were chit chatting when I casually brought up the name of her FWB. I’ve only met the guy in passing a couple of times (she met him I think just after she met me) so it shouldn’t have surprised her. She got a bit flustered and I asked her about him. She said she didn’t know much and that he was a guy she met thru friends. Anyway, I said something like “don’t dig yourself into a hole. I’m cool with everything.†She didn’t know what to say. So we finished our drinks and then I showed that I was in the mood for sex. We did, but she wasn’t herself. Anyway, afterwards, I was all smiles when I left.
So my plan is this: Many women here are of the opinion that she did nothing wrong since we didn't talk about exclusivity. OK. So be it. That means she is perfectly within her rights to go and do whatever she wants with whoever she wants. Who knows? Maybe she is. BUT, that also means that I am perfectly within my rights to do whatever I want to as well.
And that is exactly what I am going to do.
Before I left her place last night she made some feeble comment like asking me if I wanted to talk about anything. I said no, everything is cool. So, come hell or high water, I will not have the exclusivity talk with her. And until she finds out about my new side fun, I will see her as a FWB. If / when she does find out, I will: a) point out that we never had the exclusivity talk, and b) point out that she did the same thing.
Now I know she wants us to move in together and to get serious. So I really have the upper hand here. I have no intention whatsoever of moving in together or of getting (any more) serious. I iz jus gonna have me some fun. When I came on the board yesterday I was wavering – I really was. The reaction of many women here really has opened my eyes on how completely deceitful a woman can be AND get approval for it. I guess the clincher for me was when I got called a big bag of douche. I know I am not. I have actually been respectful of women all my life. And that was probably my problem. Like one (male) poster suggested, I should act more *******y, less LTRish and I'll get laid more and with less headaches.
And that's exactly what I'm going to do. The fun continues tonight. We're going to get together again. I'm gonna push it a bit. If she's a real "lady" maybe I'll get my face slapped. If she "ain't no lay-dee" she'll go with it. Bets anyone?
Yesterday I was angry because I realized that I've been played (as many of the men here say). Today I am actually kind of smug if I'm going to be honest. And you know what? It feels OK.
Hahaha while not the most mature move I can't argue semantics or that I may not do the same thing lol.
The only issue is that she may not have been sleeping with someone else. You cant put all your confidence in "word from a friend"
Anyway, before I give yesterday's events I want to make two points: First, and for the last time, we have to this day not had the "exclusivity conversation."
...
So my plan is this: Many women here are of the opinion that she did nothing wrong since we didn't talk about exclusivity. OK. So be it. That means she is perfectly within her rights to go and do whatever she wants with whoever she wants. Who knows? Maybe she is. BUT, that also means that I am perfectly within my rights to do whatever I want to as well.
And that is exactly what I am going to do.
Excellent. Keep in mind that you don't have to tell her that you are seeing other people, you are not exclusive and she is not entitled to that information.
Hahaha while not the most mature move I can't argue semantics or that I may not do the same thing lol.
The only issue is that she may not have been sleeping with someone else. You cant put all your confidence in "word from a friend"
Very good point about trusting the word of a friend. But no, instead he chooses to believe a friend and play mindgames with her to make her feel awkward. He may as well just end it now because retaliation (for a conversation about exclusivity that he didn't bring up either) is a lousy foundation when getting to know someone.
Ta answer Houstan-Dan: OK, fair enough. I will ask her straight out tonight (after festivities are over, of course, just in case it spoils the mood). I will be completely cool and non judgemental about it too.
I don't live in your world and that honestly sounds miserable as hell. When I was single and working 60-70 hrs a week and working out 5 days a week I could still see 3 or 4 girls a week no problem. Usually reserved saturdays for friends.
I go into work at 6 and get off at 5, and my gf and I work out together 4 nights a week. Have date night once a week most weeks, and watch movies other nights. Pretty simple really..
Honestly if I was as busy as you I would make serious changes. I would hate that.
Everyone is different though and even though you may be fine with it, it doesn't mean everyone cares to live like that.
Many normal adults dont travel for work, study, or bring work home...
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I317 using Tapatalk 2
Bolded + 1
Edit: date a woman 2-3 times a week.
Or go on a date or two a week with 2 diff women.
Houston is much better than me at juggling....
I refuse to date someone who is only available once every other week.
Well.
I used to he quite anti once every other week.
If that schedule presented itself, I would date her, but not take her seriously at all.
It would be more like a FWB thing.
If someone is so busy they only squeeze you in 1 time every 2 weeks, then there is no way that progresses to a serious relationship.
For dating and fun? Sure. But I'm sure as heck not going all out. In fact, I'll probably not even invite her to dinner. Drinks and/or movie night at best. That is more of a friendship type arrangment.... possibly with bene's.
Last edited by AverageGuy2006; 11-26-2013 at 02:01 PM..
Reason: edit comment
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