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I mean, "Are you single?", "Are you seeing anyone else?" "Do you have a boyfriend?"... these things happen before you even go out, no? Before you even get a phone number.
Someone with a pretty effed up set of morals could answer "no" to this question and yet still have a FWB and justify it on a definition technicality.
I don't agree that the OP should use the girl in an act of revenge to make him feel better, but I get the feeling he is just saying that in order to cater to his ego. When my fiance came to me with the "what do you think about us being exclusive? thing" I was apprehensive because I didn't want to give up weekends out with the guys and the flirting with girls and what not, but I had been exclusive to her since we started dating and unless she flat out lied for 3 years she was exclusive to me during that time. The OP should have communicated better, but I don't fault him for feeling bad about it. The situation kind of taints their beginning.
I don't think she did anything wrong. She liked you and wanted to wait because she felt it'd lead to a better relationship. She still had her needs that needed fulfillment while she was in the getting to know you stage with you. Once you guys got serious, she cut her FWB off and (presumably) stayed exclusive to you.
I see no problem with the situation. As a matter of fact, when I date men, I prefer they have sex with other women, rather than come on to me too early in the relationship. Once we're an item, that's when I require monogamy.
I don't think she did anything wrong. She liked you and wanted to wait because she felt it'd lead to a better relationship. She still had her needs that needed fulfillment while she was in the getting to know you stage with you. Once you guys got serious, she cut her FWB off and (presumably) stayed exclusive to you.
I see no problem with the situation. As a matter of fact, when I date men, I prefer they have sex with other women, rather than come on to me too early in the relationship. Once we're an item, that's when I require monogamy.
I think most people brought up in the fast paced lives of big cities will simply disagree with the OP on this one. Some of us haven't been desensitized to being okay with having meaningful romantic time with people that have had sexual relations with someone else that same week.
Hey everybody. I can't believe all the responses. Can't say I've read all of them in detail, but I have skimmed and I WILL read them all in detail later. It seems that a bunch of folks actually see things my way. Thanks!
Anyway, before I give yesterday's events I want to make two points: First, and for the last time, we have to this day not had the "exclusivity conversation." Second, I got the information about her FWB from a rock solid person - it's for real.
OK, so here's how it went. I actually played it completely differently than I thought I would before I came to this forum. I absolutely did not confront her. I decided to play it as cool as possible.
After dinner at her place we were chit chatting when I casually brought up the name of her FWB. I’ve only met the guy in passing a couple of times (she met him I think just after she met me) so it shouldn’t have surprised her. She got a bit flustered and I asked her about him. She said she didn’t know much and that he was a guy she met thru friends. Anyway, I said something like “don’t dig yourself into a hole. I’m cool with everything.†She didn’t know what to say. So we finished our drinks and then I showed that I was in the mood for sex. We did, but she wasn’t herself. Anyway, afterwards, I was all smiles when I left.
So my plan is this: Many women here are of the opinion that she did nothing wrong since we didn't talk about exclusivity. OK. So be it. That means she is perfectly within her rights to go and do whatever she wants with whoever she wants. Who knows? Maybe she is. BUT, that also means that I am perfectly within my rights to do whatever I want to as well.
And that is exactly what I am going to do.
Before I left her place last night she made some feeble comment like asking me if I wanted to talk about anything. I said no, everything is cool. So, come hell or high water, I will not have the exclusivity talk with her. And until she finds out about my new side fun, I will see her as a FWB. If / when she does find out, I will: a) point out that we never had the exclusivity talk, and b) point out that she did the same thing.
Now I know she wants us to move in together and to get serious. So I really have the upper hand here. I have no intention whatsoever of moving in together or of getting (any more) serious. I iz jus gonna have me some fun. When I came on the board yesterday I was wavering – I really was. The reaction of many women here really has opened my eyes on how completely deceitful a woman can be AND get approval for it. I guess the clincher for me was when I got called a big bag of douche. I know I am not. I have actually been respectful of women all my life. And that was probably my problem. Like one (male) poster suggested, I should act more *******y, less LTRish and I'll get laid more and with less headaches.
And that's exactly what I'm going to do. The fun continues tonight. We're going to get together again. I'm gonna push it a bit. If she's a real "lady" maybe I'll get my face slapped. If she "ain't no lay-dee" she'll go with it. Bets anyone?
Yesterday I was angry because I realized that I've been played (as many of the men here say). Today I am actually kind of smug if I'm going to be honest. And you know what? It feels OK.
Yeah, only difference is that she did it because she liked you and wanted to make sure the relationship was going somewhere before she decided to dump the FWB. You're just doing it out of spite. If anyone one here agrees with his response to the situation, you're a game-player.
You're much better off dumping her and telling her why, rather than taking this approach. But hey, I assume you're very young and inexperienced with dating. You'll eventually learn the mature way to handle relationships.
Good luck, and I honestly hope you don't catch an STD as karma for being so spiteful, OP.
I think most people brought up in the fast paced lives of big cities will simply disagree with the OP on this one. Some of us haven't been desensitized to being okay with having meaningful romantic time with people that have had sexual relations with someone else that same week.
LOL Have you read the OP's follow up? He's planning to do exactly what his lady friend did, but as revenge. Apparently he's more desensitized than us "big town city folks".
Ta answer Timawina: I don't know exact timing or exact details. I'll assume that she stopped seeing him. The information I got was that when we started dating she was doing some other guy she just met. Like I said, tonight there will be an amiable, kool conversation and I'll ask some questions in a completely non-judgemental manner. She may answer or she may not. She may answer with truth or with lies. Who knows?
Thing is, she's a hottie, so I want to really have some edgy fun before it all ends. Very selfish on my part - yeah I know! But hey!!!! Remember, as so many of you continue to point out, we're not exclusive!!!
Okay, now I'm convinced OP is trolling. Even a 14 year old kid with his first girlfriend wouldn't react in this way. Does anyone else realize his entire response to the situation seems to be based on the replies he's received here that didn't agree with him? He's basically going nanabooboo to the CD forum and acting it out on the girl IRL.
Yeah, I call troll.
Fun thread nonetheless. But I'm pretty sure we've all been had.
LOL Have you read the OP's follow up? He's planning to do exactly what his lady friend did, but as revenge. Apparently he's more desensitized than us "big town city folks".
I have already addressed that I don't think that is okay. He is immaturely going the route of "I'm going to teach you a lesson", and I said I don't think that is right. I personally thing the fwb thing throws a grey shadow over a lot of things. I always had assumed (probably wrongly) that girls I was dating weren't getting it on with someone else consistently. I mean why else are we dating? I understand now that it was wrong, but it brings a whole lot of clarity to a couple of situations where my friends told me girls I was dating were making out with someone at said bar.
Okay, now I'm convinced OP is trolling. Even a 14 year old kid with his first girlfriend wouldn't react in this way. Does anyone else realize his entire response to the situation seems to be based on the replies he's received here that didn't agree with him? He's basically going nanabooboo to the CD forum and acting it out on the girl IRL.
Yeah, I call troll.
Fun thread nonetheless. But I'm pretty sure we've all been had.
Maybe, but I have to ask. If your boyfriend "wooed" you by taking you to the pier and then Au Cheval for a great dinner and did whatever else you consider romantic......would you not be put off by the fact that he had sex a couple of hours before the date?
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