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Like I said before, She's a hottie so I just want to have "fun" with her now. Just like FWB dude did - all fun, no hassle, no wining 'n dining chump **** !
At some point you need to become the bigger man and put an end to it. I think you've made your point, so there's no need to pile it on. I'm not saying you need to end a FWB relationship, you just need to propose it as such. I don't think you want to get a reputation of being a douche bag taking advantage.
The most perplexing part of this conversation is people thinking you shouldn't be dating or sleeping with other people, but you ARE NOT exclusively dating. What the heck do they think an exclusive dating arrangement is? I mean, if people expect exclusivity and monogamy from dating, fine, good luck with that. If you don't, fine, but don't think you can control the person you're dating if that is the case.
The issue isn't controlling the person. What's done is done. It's being deceived about the person OP thought they were dating.
At some point you need to become the bigger man and put an end to it. I think you've made your point, so there's no need to pile it on. I'm not saying you need to end a FWB relationship, you just need to propose it as such. I don't think you want to get a reputation of being a douche bag taking advantage.
I agree.
OP, I commend you for being upfront and directly confronting her with the information.
Now, you need to tell her exactly where she stands and let the chips fall where they may. If she's no longer girlfriend material to you, she needs to know. You can tell her you are willing to still date but you don't see things going much past casual dating anymore. Tell her you no longer see yourself committing to her.
Yes, exactly. BE YOURSELF (root: "you", not "them"). Hopefully "being yourself" doesn't include trying to control what another person does with their body. That isn't really "being yourself", unless who you are is a controlling d*ck naturally (and lots of men and women might be).
Lol. Again, no one is being controlled! The person is just letting it be known what they're looking for, which is exactly what you should do on a date. Are you saying you shouldn't? Once, I went on a date with a girl who said she liked guys with facial hair... I was clean shaven. Was she trying to control me? That b****! So glad I dodged that bullet!
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
I mean, who in the freaking world that is healthy mentally and emotionally goes on a date saying "I like this person, but I better limit what she can do when we're not together right away or she isn't relationship material". Seriously?
No one, because most of us understand that simply telling your date what you prefer isn't forcing or even pressuring them to change. If and when it is misconstrued that way, it isn't the person doing the telling who is mentally or emotionally unhealthy; it's the person being told.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vic 2.0
Lol. Again, no one is being controlled! The person is just letting it be known what they're looking for, which is exactly what you should do on a date. Are you saying you shouldn't? Once, I went on a date with a girl who said she liked a guy with facial hair... I was clean shaven. Was she trying to control me? That b****! So glad I dodged that bullet!
Ah, you're changing what was said. It is perfectly ok with saying "I would like a monogamous relationship with the right person when I meet her" and even "I'm looking for an exclusive relationship and I really don't want to date multiple people". That is, of course ok, but that is NOT what was suggested here. It is not ok to say "I expect you not go on a date with anyone else or sleep with anyone else", which is actually what was proposed. Don't change the argument and then cry foul.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vic 2.0
No one, because most of us understand that simply telling your date what you prefer isn't forcing or even pressuring them to change. If and when it is misconstrued that way, it isn't the person doing the telling who is mentally or emotionally unhealthy; it's the person being told.
What you prefer in general and what you're looking for with the right person? or What you prefer in them and how you prefer them to act? Pretty significant difference between those two things. If you don't see the enormous difference between those two scenarios, I don't know what to tell you.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dejaentendu19
Op stated that the woman that is the subject of this thread stated "I'm not like that", when apparently she is. That would be the deception.
Not really. You'd have to want to see it that way. She doesn't jump into bed with someone after a little bit of dating.
A real FWB doesn't have anything to do with that. It would only be deception if it was really a new FB and not a true FWB. If that was the case, yeah, it would be deception.
Not really. You'd have to want to see it that way. She doesn't jump into bed with someone after a little bit of dating.
A real FWB doesn't have anything to do with that. It would only be deception if it was really a new FB and not a true FWB. If that was the case, yeah, it would be deception.
It really doesn't matter at this point, but according to OP she met him after they began dating.
Ah, you're changing what was said. It is perfectly ok with saying "I would like a monogamous relationship with the right person when I meet her" and even "I'm looking for an exclusive relationship and I really don't want to date multiple people". That is, of course ok, but that is NOT what was suggested here. It is not ok to say "I expect you not go on a date with anyone else or sleep with anyone else", which is actually what was proposed. Don't change the argument and then cry foul.
First, the poster was very vague about how they let their expectations be known, so I couldn't possibly have changed the argument. Here is a direct quote:
Quote:
Originally Posted by recuerdeme
When I start dating someone new I make it clear from the very first date that I expect that person to be exclusive to me. I mean I don't say we should start "going steady" but I do expect their to be no other men in the picture.
And second, neither "I would like a monogamous relationship with the right person when I meet her" nor "I'm looking for an exclusive relationship and I don't want to date multiple people" convey the message, "I don't want to be with someone who's dating or having sex with someone else while I'm dating them, before we're in a relationship". That's why I said I wondered just how the poster went about "making it clear" in the first place. You presumed to know... But you don't.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
What you prefer in general and what you're looking for with the right person? or What you prefer in them and how you prefer them to act? Pretty significant difference between those two things. If you don't see the enormous difference between those two scenarios, I don't know what to tell you.
Without clarification from the poster, it's impossible to know exactly what they meant. "Expect" does have more than one meaning, after all. I get that you're taking it as a demand on that specific person, but it could just as easily be a matter of preference with which to either continue dating that person or find someone else. I'll tell you again, I expect pretty much the same (minus the dating other guys), because that seems like the normal, default behavior.
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