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Tricky. I think it depends where you are in your relationship with people. DH and I were just talking about this, because I do tend to shut down in times of stress, and withdraw. He reaches out when he is stressed. When we are both stressed at the same time, it's a terrible dance to be doing. He wants to connect, I want to hide. But I will tell you that it wasn't until I was totally comfortable with him that this side of me came out in full force. Maybe because I am secure enough in my marriage that I can be myself. Which in this case may not be so good. It would probably be a good thing if I tried harder..
My boyfriend is really distant from me at times as well. We have been together almost a year and told me he suffered from anxiety and depression in the past. I have always had people in my life living with anxiety and depression and so i was up to the task. especially because he is perfect for me in every way. but the last few months he has pulled back. he says its cause he is sick, tired, exhausted from work, etc. he doesnt go out to see his friends either. but seeing him once a week is not enough. especially when i practically guilt him into spending any time with me at all. we havent had sex in months and its not for lack of trying. he just isnt interested. he is still self pleasuring though, according to him. i am heartbroken and defeated right now. im waiting for him to want me around i guess? i just want to be wanted.
Just a observation while reading dating blogs and relationship debates...
What are the main difference between someone losing interest vs them being distant because of them being stressed out or depressed?
Many sites will tell you that when a person is stressed or depressed while in a relationship they will withdraw and slowly stop contacting. Isn't this the same signs as someone who wants to break up with their partner?
I mean even if a person is stressed out or depressed because of a current situation (job loss, sickness, school, custody/ court battles etc) wouldn't they want to at least talk to their significant other because they are one of the main ones who will make them feel better because they love them? How could anyone go without a few days to a couple of weeks without talking to their partner (say they don't live together) and not expect them to feel some type of way? Wouldn't that other person be a door mat? That's just my opinion.
What do you think? How can you tell if someone is just being distant because of stress/ depression vs them wanting out of the relationship?
The two can easily overlap...it doesn't just have to be one or the other.
People can be experiencing anxiety and/or depression and that in and of itself contributes to them wanting out of a relationship.
People can be realizing they want out of a relationship, and have that causing them anxiety or depression.
People can suffer from anxiety or depression for unrelated reasons, AND also want out of a relationship.
Just a observation while reading dating blogs and relationship debates...
What are the main difference between someone losing interest vs them being distant because of them being stressed out or depressed?
Many sites will tell you that when a person is stressed or depressed while in a relationship they will withdraw and slowly stop contacting. Isn't this the same signs as someone who wants to break up with their partner?
I mean even if a person is stressed out or depressed because of a current situation (job loss, sickness, school, custody/ court battles etc) wouldn't they want to at least talk to their significant other because they are one of the main ones who will make them feel better because they love them? How could anyone go without a few days to a couple of weeks without talking to their partner (say they don't live together) and not expect them to feel some type of way? Wouldn't that other person be a door mat? That's just my opinion.
What do you think? How can you tell if someone is just being distant because of stress/ depression vs them wanting out of the relationship?
You bring up good points. I would need to know if you two are committed and for how long.
I am ill right now and have had some challenges overall over this past year. I do not have the energy to deal with acquaintances, new friends. or BS.
As far as a real SO - I don't have a lot in me to give right now. I also do not "feel better" or whatever you mentioned, by talking to my SO about it often. I prefer not to be with my love interest when I am gross and unhealthy. I also need to rest and not be obligated to serving others in my home and so on.
The SO is a distraction, a good one and a valuable one, but often distance helps me. This is my shortcoming, not the SO.
I often ask people, when they are engulfed in stress, what I can do for them. SOme want checkins, others not so much. Some want company or errands run or time away from their kids, so I take the kids to my house for an afternoon. And so on.
Not everyone is the same. I am not a clingy person and am an introvert. I also dislike being around the man I love if I am not my usual self (the vulnerability of it all).
I would discuss with said SO how you feel if they pull away during bad times. They might have no clue how it affects you.
So to you guys who are going thru this currently, what are some of the things that your significant other is doing?
How often do you talk to them? Do they ignore a lot of your calls/text? For days/ weeks? Do they "disappear" for days or weeks"? Do you find they they don't want to hang out with you but they hang out with their friends? Do you find them socializing on social networks when they claim they need time alone?
Or are they completely withdrawn from EVERYONE and EVERYTHING?
I am currently going through this . My boyfriend has been going through things at home and its been going on for a year & still till this day but he told me awhile ago he wanted to be to his self and get his self together & he came backk and then blames me for him coming back because he said i begged him when I didn’t i just kept trying to understand where i went wrong and he said i did nothing but i was being treated as i was the problem or i was apart of his issues at home . I didnt want him to go and i let him very well know that but i didnt make him come back . He came back and he tells me again afterwhile that he wants to be alone etc ik he is depressed and stressed but also at the same time he posts things on social media all the time even when telling me he wants to be alone . He posts things that he knows will upset me and gets angry with me whenever i ask him about the post he posts . He started ignoring me ALOT when we were together when he would get into a mood or he would get upset about something i did or anything and wont communicate and thats his biggest problem he cannot communicate with me . And i keep trying and trying and evenutally he will will yell “WHAT” and i would just be asking him whats wrong. And eventually he hangs up on me . But even that we aren’t together he confuses me alot he says he will be back and he will come back to me but then its like another time he just does things like he is single and doesn’t have me. Just because we aren’t in relationship he made it seem like we are still you know like we will be but just not right now. And he hangs with his friends and family and i keep on asking still till this day like can we hang out , i miss him , wanna see him. Etc he would say “ i know” or “i miss you too” etc.but its confusing because he would say sometimes we can hang and we never do . Our 2yr anniversary came up and we had plans and he all of a sudden tells me oh he hasn’t got his check yet but he didn’t mention that he needed to get money before we made the move to go and hangout he said he would bring me the money so i could pay for it with my card since he cant use his right now . Its so hard for me because its hurtful i cried my whole 2yr anniversary he knew it was special to me and he claim it was for him but didn’t even try to atleast see eachother. Never knew this person who he has become And i have been stressful for him but I noticed my wrongs and what i needed to fix and i am doing that and growing and fixing and trying to show him that and prove my self ( never cheated ) just things within my past that has happened to me. That i needed to fix about myself and i already started my journey to fix my issues .. just wish i coulf help him but he says “ i dont want anybodys help” or “i dont need your help” or “i dont need you to be there for me” and i am genuinely just trying to be there for him and love him but its hurting and depressing me and stressing me and wish he would see he isnt the only person who is hurting and etc because i too have my own and i just wanna be there for eachother and love but he treats me this way now like i am the worst person in the world like i did him so wrong . Treats me like everything is my fault. And yes i have explained how this hurts me so many times and he does not acknowledge it everything is about him & how he been hurting too how he has been depressed too etc when im trying to make him aware that it hurts me so bad .. i forgot to mention also when like as i mentioned when he posts stuff he gets angry he got tired of me doing soo and he blocked me from his social media saying i dont trust him , long before all of this i saw in his phone him contacting a ex that he told me he would never contact . And it hurt me and dissapointed me and he was beating his self up about and i told him people make mistakes and i forgave him but I didn’t forget later on he then yelled and cursed at me because i was upset he followed her on social media and he told me that he just found out she was his step moms family and after finding out he talking to her ( it was normal conversation but kinda flirty as he commented on her picture on snapchat) it was hard for me to even believe that. And i feel it is a way to make me feel bad and make me the bad person when he is really wrong . And thats how i became to have trust issues because of that situation. So back to him blocking me , so i used my friends account to see what he posts and not to long ago from today he posts some girl and he put “ late night Saturday date night with my boo” and i was devastated and told him how i felt and i was so hurt and broken and angry and he then says “ i only posted that to see if you was watching me and to see how you would react so im not lieing just because you say im lieing and say that i was cheating gtf “ like after he just posted that and then in matters of seconds everything is my fault . Then later next day sends me a text saying how he is sorry for everything he has costs in our relationship and i wont have to worry about him etc . But its how he said it. But its confusing because everything was just my fault now he apologizes ? So i get confused if he really is dating this girl or not . Or if it really is his aunt daughter like he claimed it was . But he likes her pics on instagram and idk i could just be tripping but its too sketchy and makes me not trust him even more . And today he posts a post saying “ i swear she about to brawl me “ meaning some girl is going to have to fight him ( playful way). And i asked who was “she” and he says “ son bye” because he claim i always think he is messing with some girl and I didn’t say anything about him messing with a girl i just asked who was she. I feel like he posts these things on purpose and treats me like that. But i feel i have a right to know as of why because we did still have sexual relations and he tells me he loves me he tells me he will come back to me once he gets things together but i dont know . And i need advice pls thankyou for whoever replies to me i really apperciate it and i am here for anyone as well
I am currently going through this . My boyfriend has been going through things at home and its been going on for a year & still till this day but he told me awhile ago he wanted to be to his self and get his self together & he came back and then blames me for him coming back because he said i begged him when I didn’t.
i just kept trying to understand where i went wrong and he said i did nothing but i was being treated as i was the problem or i was apart of his issues at home . I didnt want him to go and i let him very well know that but i didnt make him come back.
He came back and he tells me again afterwhile that he wants to be alone etc ik he is depressed and stressed but also at the same time he posts things on social media all the time even when telling me he wants to be alone . He posts things that he knows will upset me and gets angry with me whenever i ask him about the post he posts .
He started ignoring me ALOT when we were together when he would get into a mood or he would get upset about something i did or anything and wont communicate and thats his biggest problem he cannot communicate with me . And i keep trying and trying and evenutally he will will yell “WHAT” and i would just be asking him whats wrong. And eventually he hangs up on me .
But even that we aren’t together he confuses me alot he says he will be back and he will come back to me but then its like another time he just does things like he is single and doesn’t have me. Just because we aren’t in relationship he made it seem like we are still you know like we will be but just not right now.
And he hangs with his friends and family and i keep on asking still till this day like can we hang out , i miss him , wanna see him. Etc he would say “ i know” or “i miss you too” etc.but its confusing because he would say sometimes we can hang and we never do .
Our 2yr anniversary came up and we had plans and he all of a sudden tells me oh he hasn’t got his check yet but he didn’t mention that he needed to get money before we made the move to go and hangout he said he would bring me the money so i could pay for it with my card since he cant use his right now .
Its so hard for me because its hurtful i cried my whole 2yr anniversary he knew it was special to me and he claim it was for him but didn’t even try to atleast see eachother. Never knew this person who he has become And i have been stressful for him but I noticed my wrongs and what i needed to fix and i am doing that and growing and fixing and trying to show him that and prove my self ( never cheated ) just things within my past that has happened to me. That i needed to fix about myself and i already started my journey to fix my issues ..
just wish i coulf help him but he says “ i dont want anybodys help” or “i dont need your help” or “i dont need you to be there for me” and i am genuinely just trying to be there for him and love him but its hurting and depressing me and stressing me and wish he would see he isnt the only person who is hurting and etc because i too have my own and i just wanna be there for eachother and love but he treats me this way now like i am the worst person in the world like i did him so wrong .
Treats me like everything is my fault. And yes i have explained how this hurts me so many times and he does not acknowledge it everything is about him & how he been hurting too how he has been depressed too etc when im trying to make him aware that it hurts me so bad .. i forgot to mention also when like as i mentioned when he posts stuff he gets angry he got tired of me doing soo and he blocked me from his social media saying i dont trust him , long before all of this i saw in his phone him contacting a ex that he told me he would never contact
. And it hurt me and dissapointed me and he was beating his self up about and i told him people make mistakes and i forgave him but I didn’t forget later on he then yelled and cursed at me because i was upset he followed her on social media and he told me that he just found out she was his step moms family and after finding out he talking to her ( it was normal conversation but kinda flirty as he commented on her picture on snapchat) it was hard for me to even believe that.
And i feel it is a way to make me feel bad and make me the bad person when he is really wrong . And thats how i became to have trust issues because of that situation. So back to him blocking me , so i used my friends account to see what he posts and not to long ago from today he posts some girl and he put “ late night Saturday date night with my boo” and i was devastated and told him how i felt and i was so hurt and broken and angry and he then says “ i only posted that to see if you was watching me and to see how you would react so im not lieing just because you say im lieing and say that i was cheating gtf “ like after he just posted that and then in matters of seconds everything is my fault .
Then later next day sends me a text saying how he is sorry for everything he has costs in our relationship and i wont have to worry about him etc . But its how he said it. But its confusing because everything was just my fault now he apologizes ? So i get confused if he really is dating this girl or not . Or if it really is his aunt daughter like he claimed it was . But he likes her pics on instagram and idk i could just be tripping but its too sketchy and makes me not trust him even more .
And today he posts a post saying “ i swear she about to brawl me “ meaning some girl is going to have to fight him ( playful way). And i asked who was “she” and he says “ son bye” because he claim i always think he is messing with some girl and I didn’t say anything about him messing with a girl i just asked who was she. I feel like he posts these things on purpose and treats me like that.
But i feel i have a right to know as of why because we did still have sexual relations and he tells me he loves me he tells me he will come back to me once he gets things together but i dont know . And i need advice pls thankyou for whoever replies to me i really apperciate it and i am here for anyone as well
Last edited by matisse12; 01-12-2019 at 07:59 PM..
I am currently going through this . My boyfriend has been going through things at home and its been going on for a year & still till this day but he told me awhile ago he wanted to be to his self and get his self together & he came back and then blames me for him coming back because he said i begged him when I didn’t.
i just kept trying to understand where i went wrong and he said i did nothing but i was being treated as i was the problem or i was apart of his issues at home . I didnt want him to go and i let him very well know that but i didnt make him come back.
He came back and he tells me again afterwhile that he wants to be alone etc ik he is depressed and stressed but also at the same time he posts things on social media all the time even when telling me he wants to be alone . He posts things that he knows will upset me and gets angry with me whenever i ask him about the post he posts .
He started ignoring me ALOT when we were together when he would get into a mood or he would get upset about something i did or anything and wont communicate and thats his biggest problem he cannot communicate with me . And i keep trying and trying and evenutally he will will yell “WHAT” and i would just be asking him whats wrong. And eventually he hangs up on me .
But even that we aren’t together he confuses me alot he says he will be back and he will come back to me but then its like another time he just does things like he is single and doesn’t have me. Just because we aren’t in relationship he made it seem like we are still you know like we will be but just not right now.
And he hangs with his friends and family and i keep on asking still till this day like can we hang out , i miss him , wanna see him. Etc he would say “ i know” or “i miss you too” etc.but its confusing because he would say sometimes we can hang and we never do .
Our 2yr anniversary came up and we had plans and he all of a sudden tells me oh he hasn’t got his check yet but he didn’t mention that he needed to get money before we made the move to go and hangout he said he would bring me the money so i could pay for it with my card since he cant use his right now .
Its so hard for me because its hurtful i cried my whole 2yr anniversary he knew it was special to me and he claim it was for him but didn’t even try to atleast see eachother. Never knew this person who he has become And i have been stressful for him but I noticed my wrongs and what i needed to fix and i am doing that and growing and fixing and trying to show him that and prove my self ( never cheated ) just things within my past that has happened to me. That i needed to fix about myself and i already started my journey to fix my issues ..
just wish i coulf help him but he says “ i dont want anybodys help” or “i dont need your help” or “i dont need you to be there for me” and i am genuinely just trying to be there for him and love him but its hurting and depressing me and stressing me and wish he would see he isnt the only person who is hurting and etc because i too have my own and i just wanna be there for eachother and love but he treats me this way now like i am the worst person in the world like i did him so wrong .
Treats me like everything is my fault. And yes i have explained how this hurts me so many times and he does not acknowledge it everything is about him & how he been hurting too how he has been depressed too etc when im trying to make him aware that it hurts me so bad .. i forgot to mention also when like as i mentioned when he posts stuff he gets angry he got tired of me doing soo and he blocked me from his social media saying i dont trust him , long before all of this i saw in his phone him contacting a ex that he told me he would never contact
. And it hurt me and dissapointed me and he was beating his self up about and i told him people make mistakes and i forgave him but I didn’t forget later on he then yelled and cursed at me because i was upset he followed her on social media and he told me that he just found out she was his step moms family and after finding out he talking to her ( it was normal conversation but kinda flirty as he commented on her picture on snapchat) it was hard for me to even believe that.
And i feel it is a way to make me feel bad and make me the bad person when he is really wrong . And thats how i became to have trust issues because of that situation. So back to him blocking me , so i used my friends account to see what he posts and not to long ago from today he posts some girl and he put “ late night Saturday date night with my boo” and i was devastated and told him how i felt and i was so hurt and broken and angry and he then says “ i only posted that to see if you was watching me and to see how you would react so im not lieing just because you say im lieing and say that i was cheating gtf “ like after he just posted that and then in matters of seconds everything is my fault .
Then later next day sends me a text saying how he is sorry for everything he has costs in our relationship and i wont have to worry about him etc . But its how he said it. But its confusing because everything was just my fault now he apologizes ? So i get confused if he really is dating this girl or not . Or if it really is his aunt daughter like he claimed it was . But he likes her pics on instagram and idk i could just be tripping but its too sketchy and makes me not trust him even more .
And today he posts a post saying “ i swear she about to brawl me “ meaning some girl is going to have to fight him ( playful way). And i asked who was “she” and he says “ son bye” because he claim i always think he is messing with some girl and I didn’t say anything about him messing with a girl i just asked who was she. I feel like he posts these things on purpose and treats me like that.
But i feel i have a right to know as of why because we did still have sexual relations and he tells me he loves me he tells me he will come back to me once he gets things together but i dont know . And i need advice pls thankyou for whoever replies to me i really apperciate it and i am here for anyone as well
Stop having sex with him and it'll become much clearer
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Help pls current situation :(
