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A person can say that they like a certain race but need to elaborate why. I think Asian men are goodlooking. Every Asian man in the world, probably not. What I like? The medium brown skin, the best damn dark hair ever, some are family oriented,interesting backgrounds, some are intelligent, I love the eyes, and the fact they are different than me.
Exactly. Just ELABORATE. I find Asian women attractive because they are more likely to be my height, nothing more. Doesn't mean I'll take any Asian woman, just that that is my initial attraction.
But when someone says "they like black guys" and elaborate by saying "yeah, they can dance, they are also into danger, they're athletic, tall, tough, all have tattoos, all love weed blah blah" suddenly we're in stereotype/fetish territory.
I have a hard time accepting this distinction between having a fetish for a certain ethnic group, and having "just an attraction."
Someone who consistently seeks out members of a given ethnic group because he or she is especially (or, in some cases, exclusively) attracted to members of that group has a fetish. Period.
Exactly...hence I stay clear of the "mudsharks" as women with a black man fetish are called.
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A huge number of men of all races are "just attracted" to Asian women. Can we really believe that is just random? That doesn't seem plausible to me. I suspect is has to do with a strong cultural desire for women perceived to be submissive, as well as a strong cultural desire for women who are thin.
Because they are smaller. I'm under five five, so what racial group is going to produce women closer to my height, Korean, Japanese and Thai or Swedish, German and Dutch?
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Likewise, given the fact black women have been found to be the least sought after by men of all races, can that really be just a matter of individual preferences? Again, I doubt it. I think it suggests men are responding to a stereotype of black women being loud and aggressive.
Or it could just be their looks...
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People get extremely defensive about stuff like this. Everyone wants to believe they are totally uninfluenced by societal prejudices. But I think the evidence speaks for itself...
I actually love the way dark skinned African girls look...I guess it is more than "societal pressure". How can any straight man not think she's beautiful?
Exactly. When women find out that plenty of black guys are just as nerdy as white guys and men find out that Asian girls can be just as stand up as any white girl, reality hits them in the face.
IMO, being a nerdy/geeky black guy is a death sentence when it comes to dating and relationships. Most black women want nothing to do with you because you have "no swag", and the black women who would be open to dating geeky men mostly exclusively prefer white men. Other than the women you mentioned in the OP (who likely suffer from some mental or upbringing issues), most women of other races would not date black men.
IMO, being a nerdy/geeky black guy is a death sentence when it comes to dating and relationships. Most black women want nothing to do with you because you have "no swag", and the black women who would be open to dating geeky men mostly exclusively prefer white men. Other than the women you mentioned in the OP (who likely suffer from some mental or upbringing issues), most women of other races would not date black men.
Hahaha sterotype much?
So black men need swag and to pretty much be thugs if they want to date? Rightttt
So black men need swag and to pretty much be thugs if they want to date? Rightttt
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You're not black, so of course you cannot even begin to comprehend what I'm talking about here. I'm sure most other "geeky" black guys would agree completely with my post and find it is exactly consistent with their own personal experiences. You even freely admit that many black women you know would not date black men, so what I'm saying here isn't exactly a large leap in logic from that.
A half black guy named Thomas!? No way? My mother (black) is named Robin and stepmom Barbara. Both are educated and talk proper, as do my uncles (mom's brothers). My uncles married white women so all of my first cousins are white and black (just like me).
I have a strong preference for white men, though I have dated others (biracial and Hispanic). A lot of black men are attracted to me, as well as white men because I appear "exotic" looking.
Oh, and I don't listen to rap. I enjoy some hip hop, but rap? No thanks. I'm a self-declared geek/nerd.
I find every race of women attractive , and I'm asian .
Funny thing tho I've only dated Asians when I was over seas , here in the US I've only dated latinas and white girls ...
You're not black, so of course you cannot even begin to comprehend what I'm talking about here. I'm sure most other "geeky" black guys would agree completely with my post and find it is exactly consistent with their own personal experiences. You even freely admit that many black women you know would not date black men, so what I'm saying here isn't exactly a large leap in logic from that.
What about normal black women that dont want the stereotypical thug black guy? You don't see a lot of black women with non black men. There has to be some normak black women that want normal black men?
I know verrrry few white or hispanic men that would date a black woman to be honest. I would. My gf points out all the time my love for halle berry <omgdrool>
A week ago I went on a double date with a female friend of mine and her boyfriend and her friend she wanted me to meet. It was a blind double date. Well, on the way to the Vietnamese restaurant what does my friend tell me about her friend? "she really likes black guys."
I knew it wouldn't go over well. First, I am only half black. Second, I know from experience that when non-black women say "they like black guys," they mean they have a fetish for the stereotypical black thug type: prison muscles, wave cap, tattoos and he likes to dance and listen to hip hop and smoke weed.
I met this girl and it was the LONGEST DINNER OF MY LIFE. She was surprised that I'm short (I forgot, all men of African descent are tall ) Couldn't understand how I don't care for hip-hop and couldn't wrap her head around the fact that I speak proper English. Needless to say I didn't ask for her number.
Certain people have ethnic fetishes, i.e., they are attracted to the IDEAL of a race or ethnicity. When a white girl says she likes black guys, majority of the time she doesn't mean she wants an African American accountant named Thomas who is on the racquetball league of his local members-only athletic club, never misses a chance to see the local symphony orchestra and has always been a lover of Shakespeare. What she means is she wants the IDEAL of a black man: named "Tyrone," gets into danger, muscular, can dance etc.
I have a Honduran American friend who said the same thing to me: women say they want a "Latin man" but don't wont him because he's not a stereotype. He was born in America (as was one of his parents) can't dance to save his life and is less the "Latin Lover" and more of a foodie who plays the violin.
But there is a difference between having a FETISH for an ethnicity and just being ATTRACTED to them. For example: I find Asian woman especially attractive. Do I daydream about the stereotypical "submissive Asian woman"? No. I just like the way they look (which has to do with them often being my height or smaller ) I mean, yes, I think East Asian woman are good looking, but I need more than looks for a relationship. I went out briefly with a Thai-American woman and it wasn't any fetish for Asian women that attracted me to her but her intelligence and easy going personality (just don't get her angry...she's about as submissive as the Incredible Hulk when she's angry)
I may sound sexist, but I think its mostly women who have the ethnic fetish thing. Men don't seem to fantasize about the way some ethnic group will behave but are more interested in the way an ethnic group looks, but of course looks aren't everything.
From now on I'll stick with women who are OPEN to dating a half black man and not a woman who loves rap "music" and says she "loves black guys"
I have a thing for Latina women, doesn't mean that's only who I date nor do I want them to fill some stereotype wearing tortilla dresses or anything like that. I just like the darker skin, darker eyes, darker hair butts, etc.
What about normal black women that dont want the stereotypical thug black guy? You don't see a lot of black women with non black men. There has to be some normak black women that want normal black men?
I know verrrry few white or hispanic men that would date a black woman to be honest. I would. My gf points out all the time my love for halle berry <omgdrool>
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The average black guy, like the average white guy, isn't your typical geek. He possesses a certain degree of "swag", which is a combination of acceptance among the mainstream, status, and a slew of other things. "Swag" is one of those things that are incredibly difficult to quantify, but it's rather simple to tell who has it and who does not in terms of black men. For example, a black investment banker is likely to have a lot of "swag" but a black engineer is not, invoking the stereotypes of investment bankers and engineers here. I was not at all talking about thugs and criminals here when I was mentioning the term "swag".
Also, while you note most of your white and hispanic friends wouldn't date black women, it's still highly likely what I'm saying is accurate. Say, about 15% of white men are willing to date black women (not an unreasonable number given the data that exists on this), and it's also not a stretch to say that is the percentage of black women who would be interested in dating geeks. Hence, you end up exactly with what I stated earlier, while still being consistent with your own experiences (that most white men are not interested in black women).
When it comes to dating, I've noticed being nerdy and geeky are a lot more accepted in white guys than in black guys. There are many, many women out there willing to date nerdy white men, while the same is not at all true for nerdy black men.
Last edited by Astute; 11-26-2013 at 03:24 PM..
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) Couldn't understand how I don't care for hip-hop and couldn't wrap her head around the fact that I speak proper English. Needless to say I didn't ask for her number. 
) I mean, yes, I think East Asian woman are good looking, but I need more than looks for a relationship. I went out briefly with a Thai-American woman and it wasn't any fetish for Asian women that attracted me to her but her intelligence and easy going personality (just don't get her angry...she's about as submissive as the Incredible Hulk when she's angry)