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I'd like for a guy interested in me to be direct, but not a complete stranger. I feel more comfortable with men I've already gotten to know in some capacity expressing that they want to be romantically involved. When strangers directly say "hey you're cute, let's talk, can I get your number, I want to talk you on a date, yadda yadda," I tend to growl and ignore them because it makes no sense they'd have any genuine interest since they don't even know me; and not only that but it also makes me uncomfortable and feel like a piece of meat.
A few months ago, I was at this alumni networking event, and I confidently walked up to this lady.
Instead of going through all of the slow BS of what year we went to school, what we did, and where we lived, I just asked her what she liked to do for fun, very directly and confidently to let her know I was interested and to see if we had any common interests.
She saw what I was doing and walked away without saying a word. Lol.
Not that it would have turned out any differently if I took the gradual approach.
Sounds to me she thought you were trying to get into her pants and didn't really care to actually get to know her. I found this quote in another thread:
Quote:
I can't speak for other men, but if I simply want to get some booty or have a casual FWB type of situation I don't look for anything beyond good looks. I don't care if a woman has a sense of humor, works, or has one redeeming trait beyond her looks.
If I am looking for a relationship then I do require a sense of humor, intelligence, a job (though I don't care how esteemed the job is as long as I don't always have to pay for her), empathy, and a few other things.
For me, the warning bells go off if a guy says anything about my looks when we've basically just be introduced or just met..it means he's interested in the physical and that's likely all he'll ever be interested in. Is it such a shock that women want to be liked for who they are, not whatever genetic lottery ticket they pulled?
Good Afternoon Mi Lady. Your wardrobe accentuates your figure quite elegantly. You're sexy. I'm sexy. However a long term relationship would never work between us. Come be my paramour this evening I'll show you a memorable time.
Now if panties don't start droppin' after that....
A few months ago, I was at this alumni networking event, and I confidently walked up to this lady.
Instead of going through all of the slow BS of what year we went to school, what we did, and where we lived, I just asked her what she liked to do for fun, very directly and confidently to let her know I was interested and to see if we had any common interests.
She saw what I was doing and walked away without saying a word. Lol.
Not that it would have turned out any differently if I took the gradual approach.
I don't know that dispensing with small talk and directly asking a woman what she does for fun lets her know you're interested. She probably thought that you came across as odd and abrupt.
I've read some interesting articles the other day by a guy called Mark Manson, an ex dating coach turned blogger (I can hear the "not another PUA" groans but bear with me). Most of it is from his book "Models - Attracting woman through Honesty" which I would highly recommend anyone to read.
Anyways, one thing he preaches is that everything your doing with a female should be congruent & in sync, and that you should be honest and not afraid to communicate your intentions. If they aren't and your hitting on a girl with hidden intentions you'll come off as creepy. For example: if your talking to a girl about the weather but your actually thinking about how good it would be to bone her your going to come across as creepy. If your acting like you want to bone her but your thinking about the weather your going to come across as creepy. If your thinking about boning her, and your flirting with her and your intentions are honest your more likely to fare better. (Apologies for using sex here, this is juat an example).
Another theory he has is that "women can feel what you feel", this may make sense given they are generally more emotional, perceptive & have a better "6th sense" than men. So for example if you engage them in a positive happy mood they're more likely to respond enthusiastically. If you have a (healthy, non perverted) sexual/flirty vibe toward her, she's likely to pick up on this. In stark contrast if your negative, all doom & gloom, uptight, nervous etc your likely to get a less favourable response.
One thing I'm trying to work on is being totally honest with my intentions, and not hiding them. Thus I'd rather be more direct with women straight off the bat. If I ask a girl i like where the nearest coffee shop is/do you have the time I'm really using it as an excuse to chat her up & I'm hiding my overall intentions. I'd much rather say something like "Hey, your kinda cute, whats your name?", "That jacket is really cool, you look hot in it" etc - you get the idea, basically just being forward and not hiding I'm hitting on them.
So, Ladies of the forum: Whats your thoughts or experiences with guys doing this?
Guys, what are your experiences, thoguhts & successes (or laco of success) with this?
You're talking about being honest on looks. Because nobody usually has a problem being honest about everything else.
I feel it won't make much of a difference for cold approach. When you cold approach, it's all about looks anyway. So, whether you're direct or beat around the bush, she knows what you want. And your looks will determine whether you win or lose.
I can see if being a negative in the sense of a more casual meeting, at a party maybe. Because then when you tell her you think she is attractive, she has to make a snap judgement on you. And it might be bad. Even if she says nothing, you know what she means.
I mean, I advocate acting fast, but if you are that direct, it might mess your self esteem up a bit. If you can handle that though, then all good I guess.
If you feel so inferior that you will only get rejection because of any factor you name, then you shouldn't even bother, at least until you get the problem addressed.
There is nothing wrong with asking a benign question to start a conversation with someone you don't know.
I liked the jacket comment MUCH better than, "Hey, you're cute. What's your name?" I also don't mind questions like, "Have you been here before?" "Do you like this professor?" etc.
Just get rid of the fear.
The part I bolded raises a good point, and I agree it's better than the "what's your name" thing. Benign starters like the jacket or professor comment are less likely to come across as try-hard, awkward or forced, especially if delivered with confidence. Plus it's easier to smoothly segue from that into further conversation and small talk, depending on how she responds to the opener. Introductions can be part of that conversation, and yes being direct is good. Unforced flirting can occur depending on how the interaction flows. (OTOH, a dry reply to the opener such as "yes" or "thanks" followed by her breaking eye contact and directing her attention elsewhere is a sign that she doesn't want to talk to the guy.)
Honesty and directness is usually appreciated by most people, but at the same time one should be cordial and respectful of the other person's boundaries. And be able to cordially move on if the other person turns you down.
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