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I would just stay out of it unless they come to you. In which case I'd say tell them to talk to someone who knows what they're doing, like a counselor. There is nothing good that will come from you telling him that she needs to go back to work, or he should just accept it.
Married couple. He works, she stays at home and is not productive in doing so.
Her time isn't well spent. She is possibly depressed but not sure. Wouldn't say she does a good job with household duties, or looking after their child.
The child doesn't need her home as they have a Grandparent who can look after the child.
The couple has alot of overheads and money is a big issue. He wants her back working (when she was she was earning great money and was a much happier person). When he has talked to her about it, it always falls on deaf ears and nothing happens. She has life easy and I guess likes that.
I have my own ideas, but want to brainstorm the forum in the chance something is suggested I havn't thought of.
To the extent that she "was a much happier person" when she was working, I would definitely be on board with him giving her a little push in that direction. First step is removing everything that's been zapping her motivation to either get out there and find work or at least take better care of her kid and her house. It may even require sacrificing on the part of the husband. Best examples include dropping their TV and internet service, and any other luxuries they can get by without. He has the perfect excuse. "We can't afford it any more with the money I'm making".
I don't often recommend both parents working. But some people seem to need to be employed outside the home to be happy, and judging solely based on the OP, she's one of them. This is what I would suggest. Either that, or he must find a way to accept it and rise above their financial troubles on his own. Some might say he should get rid of any or all luxuries to solve that problem alone.
And shame on people for saying it's none of your business. Everything is everyone's business, if only because of how one unhappy person will no doubt indirectly affect others, and so on and so forth. We do not live in a bubble!
Married couple. He works, she stays at home and is not productive in doing so.
Her time isn't well spent. She is possibly depressed but not sure. Wouldn't say she does a good job with household duties, or looking after their child.
The child doesn't need her home as they have a Grandparent who can look after the child.
The couple has alot of overheads and money is a big issue. He wants her back working (when she was she was earning great money and was a much happier person). When he has talked to her about it, it always falls on deaf ears and nothing happens. She has life easy and I guess likes that.
I have my own ideas, but want to brainstorm the forum in the chance something is suggested I havn't thought of.
Wow!!..sounds like it's all about him, him, him, and HIS wants and needs. If she's taking care of a child at home she's doing something great. What the hells wrong with him?..I wonder if the Grandma knows he figures she'll babysit everyday....probably wants that for free too?
I can see why she "was a much happier person" when she was working, there was no one on her case all day belittling what she does....Maybe she's one of those weirdo's that actually wants to stay home and take care of her own..
I wouldn't know about the "money issue", because that could be about anything....maybe he spends too much on beer everyday...maybe he smokes a pack a day, maybe he eats out for lunch everyday....how can we judge her for that..it DOES take two to tango
Don't sound like her lifes easy to me....sounds like the guy's making sure it's not.
If you ask me, going OUT to work everyday is a lot easier than doing mundane, yet need to be done chores, and taking care of a little one all day...she probably knows that too...I'm sorry her man is so inconsiderate towards her and their child.
Married couple. He works, she stays at home and is not productive in doing so.
Her time isn't well spent. She is possibly depressed but not sure. Wouldn't say she does a good job with household duties, or looking after their child.
The child doesn't need her home as they have a Grandparent who can look after the child.
The couple has alot of overheads and money is a big issue. He wants her back working (when she was she was earning great money and was a much happier person). When he has talked to her about it, it always falls on deaf ears and nothing happens. She has life easy and I guess likes that.
I have my own ideas, but want to brainstorm the forum in the chance something is suggested I havn't thought of.
I'd tell her to get a job and carry her own weight in the relationship. Nobody should be that lazy.
Wow!!..sounds like it's all about him, him, him, and HIS wants and needs. If she's taking care of a child at home she's doing something great. What the hells wrong with him?..I wonder if the Grandma knows he figures she'll babysit everyday....probably wants that for free too?
I can see why she "was a much happier person" when she was working, there was no one on her case all day belittling what she does....Maybe she's one of those weirdo's that actually wants to stay home and take care of her own..
I wouldn't know about the "money issue", because that could be about anything....maybe he spends too much on beer everyday...maybe he smokes a pack a day, maybe he eats out for lunch everyday....how can we judge her for that..it DOES take two to tango
Don't sound like her lifes easy to me....sounds like the guy's making sure it's not.
If you ask me, going OUT to work everyday is a lot easier than doing mundane, yet need to be done chores, and taking care of a little one all day...she probably knows that too...I'm sorry her man is so inconsiderate towards her and their child.
Why would you assume any of this, given the only information you have is the OP, which tells you in no uncertain terms that she's not doing a good job at taking care of the house or her child?
Look, I'm fine with women (or even men) being stay-at-home parents. In fact, I even encourage families to try and do it that way because I think it's usually best for the child. But in this case, if the wife isn't doing her job, she should find another way to pull her own weight in the family. Staying home and appearing depressed is not in the best interest of their child. And that's not to speak of their money troubles.
easy...the womans NOT dave nz's wife..is she?
Sounds more like some guy griping about his wife, (with a friend) like so many do.
Have you ever watched the show where the man figures his wifes stay at home job is so easy?..and he could do a better job?..they always find out the truth (after they've tried it themselves...usually only for a couple of days, cause they'd go crazy if it was any longer)..gain respect for what she does...and with great relief head out to their 8 hour a day jobs.
It's easy to be critical of others when you've never walked in their shoes.
My advice to dave nz would be to tell his friend to quit whining
If your friend is seeking advice in his marriage, tell him to go to a marriage counselor with his wife. She also needs to be evaluated for depression.
Tell him that if that's what he thinks it is, to stop yapping at you about it and take care of his marriage.
The level of ridiculous your advise here is off the grid.
What you are saying then is:
It is ok for women to use each other as support emotionally and socially. They can discuss emotions and vent about the challenges in life, and such support is expected and accepted.
But men, No way Jose! Man up! No venting! No emotional support for you cavemen! Go club me dinner, work your *** off, and never complaign about your life, cause you are a cave man, not a human being.
And then people wonder how women recover from relations so much faster and how men get the 'emotionally underdeveloped' stigma.
THIS, is why.
And it is BS.
Thanks for sharing your double standard with us.
Must be nice to live in a world where support is given to you, as opposed to the expectation of being a man and not deserving to ask for support, even if it is venting over a beer with one of your best friends.
edit: as for the OP:
I would probably let the guy vent. Perhaps I may offer simple solutions to get the guy to brainstorm if he asks for them, but I wouldnt get carried away.
It is possible he is having a rough patch, and in a year, things may change or not, but he will be happier. And if you get too perspective about it, he may take offense/embarrassed he even brought it up.
Sounds like dude is stressed, and probably just needs someone to hear him out.
Hopefully it doesnt become too often for you to handle.
Wow!!..sounds like it's all about him, him, him, and HIS wants and needs. If she's taking care of a child at home she's doing something great. What the hells wrong with him?..I wonder if the Grandma knows he figures she'll babysit everyday....probably wants that for free too?
I can see why she "was a much happier person" when she was working, there was no one on her case all day belittling what she does....Maybe she's one of those weirdo's that actually wants to stay home and take care of her own..
I wouldn't know about the "money issue", because that could be about anything....maybe he spends too much on beer everyday...maybe he smokes a pack a day, maybe he eats out for lunch everyday....how can we judge her for that..it DOES take two to tango
Don't sound like her lifes easy to me....sounds like the guy's making sure it's not.
If you ask me, going OUT to work everyday is a lot easier than doing mundane, yet need to be done chores, and taking care of a little one all day...she probably knows that too...I'm sorry her man is so inconsiderate towards her and their child.
Why would you assume any of this, given the only information you have is the OP, which tells you in no uncertain terms that she's not doing a good job at taking care of the house or her child?
Look, I'm fine with women (or even men) being stay-at-home parents. In fact, I even encourage families to try and do it that way because I think it's usually best for the child. But in this case, if the wife isn't doing her job, she should find another way to pull her own weight in the family. Staying home and appearing depressed is not in the best interest of their child. And that's not to speak of their money troubles.
Quote:
Originally Posted by purehuman
easy...the womans NOT dave nz's wife..is she?
Sounds more like some guy griping about his wife, (with a friend) like so many do.
That doesn't really answer my question. Why did you automatically make that assumption? I mean, the OP said it pretty clearly, with no "he told me"s whatsoever:
Quote:
Originally Posted by dave nz
...she stays at home and is not productive in doing so.
Her time isn't well spent. She is possibly depressed but not sure. Wouldn't say she does a good job with household duties, or looking after their child...
And he (the OP) even demonstrates the ability to point out things he's not personally sure about (when talking of her possible depression). So I find it odd that you immediately jump to the wife's defense when odds are the OP knows a lot more about the situation than you do.
I agree with your point in general about husbands (or whichever spouse works outside the home) assuming the duties of the wife (or whoever stays at home) are easy, but we don't know that that's relevant here.
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