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That doesn't really answer my question. Why did you automatically make that assumption? I mean, the OP said it pretty clearly, with no "he told me"s whatsoever:
And he (the OP) even demonstrates the ability to point out things he's not personally sure about (when talking of her possible depression). So I find it odd that you immediately jump to the wife's defense when odds are the OP knows a lot more about the situation than you do.
I agree with your point in general about husbands (or whichever spouse works outside the home) assuming the duties of the wife (or whoever stays at home) are easy, but we don't know that that's relevant here.
Hey, so he didn't say "he told me so"..he doesn't have to...it's written in every sentence he's wrote.
"Her time isn't well spent"..how the hell would he know that?
she's "not productive"..does dave live there?..how would he know this?
"wouldn't say she does a good job with household duties"..really?
"He wants her working", "he has talked to her", "couple has a lot of overheads"...where do you think dave nz got that info from...her? I see a glaring revelancy here, surprised you don't.
Hey, so he didn't say "he told me so"..he doesn't have to...it's written in every sentence he's wrote.
In your mind, sure!
Quote:
Originally Posted by purehuman
"Her time isn't well spent"..how the hell would he know that?
she's "not productive"..does dave live there?..how would he know this?
"wouldn't say she does a good job with household duties"..really?
"He wants her working", "he has talked to her", "couple has a lot of overheads"...where do you think dave nz got that info from...her? I see a glaring revelancy here, surprised you don't.
Some friends do this weird thing called visiting, and they do it by going to their friends' houses. Maybe Dave saw this stuff firsthand? We really have no way of knowing. But to me, "(I) wouldn't say she does a good job" implies that the OP himself has seen her work (or lack of it) himself. It sounds like an entirely self-formed opinion, without any aid from the husband.
I'm still wondering why you jumped to assume none of that description of the woman is true? Are you of the belief that no wife out there is unproductive in her housekeeping or child-rearing? I just don't see how you can presume to know this woman better than the OP, even if we were to assume he gets all of his information second-hand from whatever his friend has told him about her. It still doesn't mean you know more about the situation...
Jesus, some of you women are crazy, and there's some double standard actions going on, too.
Dave, whatever you do, do not give unsolicited advice as it is not your marriage. You should totally be there for support and help him when he needs it. Like others have said, his wife might very well be suffering from some depression and may need counseling, but your friend needs to talk to his wife about any issues he has and potentially speak to a counselor afterwards.
I think you reaching out to others is a good idea in theory, but you coming to this forum asking for advice was probably not the best decision. I bet there are other forums that would be better at answering this question.
Husband who would like wife to return to work could encourage her by telling her she needs to keep her skills current in the event something should happen to him because she may someday need to be the breadwinner due to circumstances beyond their control, short term or long term. Friend could support this idea in discussion of situations involving mutual friends. Am willing to bet stay home mom needs to lose a few pounds before returning to work. Exercise will improve her mood and husband can provide support by watching child, cleaning up after dinner and paying for gym membership. If he is too busy, then she does not need to work because it would mean he will not help her if she returns to work. If husband does not support wife friend could point that out to him. It's not just about the money.
I was the best man at their wedding and see the couple regularly particularly him.
I don't think about it much, but he talks to me about it sometimes. So if I can offer more advice I will.
It isn't your relationship, stay out of someone else's. You may have good intentions, but you can make things much worse. A couple needs to work out their own issues.
maybe..some people like you might think so.
I'm wondering why you think it is?
That's true...no more than you.
No, "(I) wouldn't say she does a good job" does in fact imply that the writer of this statement is basing their opinion on observation/other knowledge of the wife's performance. It would make no sense to word it this way if he was getting all his information from the husband.
But no matter. I'm not the one presuming to know more about the wife than the OP. I'm taking their word for it because not a one of us is more qualified to judge the situation than the one person who's at least acquainted with the husband and wife.
You started off by pretending to know better than the OP, and now you won't admit it. It's as simple as that.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
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This is simple. Listen. Let him vent. Say: wow, that really sucks. Buy him a few drinks while he vents some more. Go home after and be thankful it is not you.
No, "(I) wouldn't say she does a good job" does in fact imply that the writer of this statement is basing their opinion on observation/other knowledge of the wife's performance. It would make no sense to word it this way if he was getting all his information from the husband.
But no matter. I'm not the one presuming to know more about the wife than the OP. I'm taking their word for it because not a one of us is more qualified to judge the situation than the one person who's at least acquainted with the husband and wife.
You started off by pretending to know better than the OP, and now you won't admit it. It's as simple as that.
A stay at home mom could never ever do a poor job! Don't you know being a mom is the hardest job on earth!!! Shame on you and shame on a man for expecting more than babysitting from the woman he loves and supports!
Sincerely,
Sarcasm
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