Women, how do you become sexually attracted to a person with a good personality? (friend, mature)
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A liitle crudely said but it is true. Personality doesn't over come bad teeth or some other feature that someone finds unattractive. For what ever reason many women and some men think it is wrong to acknowledge that they have to be physically attracted to someone to date them
I think what happens is people tend to overrate certain traits of those they're physically attracted to or love. For example almost every woman I know who is in a successful relationship thinks their man is the funniest, sweetest, smartest guy she's ever met.
Just like every mom thinks their son is handsome, smart and talented etc.
I have never "developed" sexual attraction during a relationship (not saying it can't be done). I was always initially physically attracted before starting a relationship. I would say, in 100% of my relationships, I was physically attracted to the person upon first meeting them.
There are many plain-looking (according to other men) women that I find attractive, but as a young man, I find it a bit difficult to develop attraction where there is none. Some say alcohol helps, but, I do not wish to think that is a primary (or even secondary) factor. How do you develop this sexual attraction?
Heck if I know. While it's not common for me, there have been times where I have been sexually attracted to a guy who most women would think is ugly (not even average, but ugly). I don't know why I was. I can't put my finger on it. I felt attracted from day one though, I have never developed attraction over time like so many people say they do. I truly would like to know what the secret to that is.
THK, you are trying way too hard with this sort of stuff.
Your personality is what it is. You can always change your outlook on yourself, which will affect it. However, your not going to successfully put out a facade of someone you are not and have it stick.
My wife thinks I am sexy. At least she says so all the time. I do not really agree with her but that's just my own self image. Part of it is because I do not do tricks to be sexy. I have never tried PUA stuff, I do not follow the latest fashion trends, or try to come up with great "lines" to say. I just act naturally and normally for me around her.
The key is not making yourself something you are not, but meeting a lot of women which increases your chances of meeting one who likes you for who you are.
That said, I know from past threads that you seem to have a very low self opinion of yourself. If that gets too low, it really can cause you to not show your true personality to others. You will come across as closed off, anti-social, etc.
You seem to be searching for some magic plan that will reinvent yourself, when in reality, I suspect you just keep your real self bottled up. At least, thats my overall impression from your posts and my own life experience.
Ok, that's different from what most people seem to be assuming.
The key to understanding this is that for the most part, when women say 'personality' they mean compatibility'. And they mean the kind of compatibility where, if you become more compatible with one women then you become less compatible with pretty much every other woman in the universe.
And the reason it grows over time is that it takes time to get to know enough detail about a person to get a sense of compatibility at that level.
Women look for the one guy who suits them best, out of all possible guys -- and who does not suit anybody else as well. This is very different mindset from men, who tell each other to cast a wide net.
I think men would be a lot happier in dating if they took on a little bit of the 'only looking for one' mindset.
Instead of trying to appeal to lots of women, try to find the one woman who adores your natural and best self. Where does she hang out? How will she recognise you when she sees you? How will you recognise her?
As a (male) FWB of mine said, 'Wherever she is, she is looking for me as hard as I am looking for her.'
Um.. As a man the reason why guys tell other guys to "cast a wide net" because the dating game for most men particulary guys in their early to mid 20's is a crap shoot. So dudes ask out/approach tons of girls and pick from the best that happen to say yes. The idea is, if you approach enough women one HAS to be interested eventually right? Etc Guys who have their pick don't really have to go through this though
There are many plain-looking (according to other men) women that I find attractive, but as a young man, I find it a bit difficult to develop attraction where there is none. Some say alcohol helps, but, I do not wish to think that is a primary (or even secondary) factor. How do you develop this sexual attraction?
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheHurricaneKid
That said, I don't know how to be sexy. I can express love, but I can't really express lust. I guess I am pretty neutered when you think about it.
Well, some people are demisexual, which means they experience sexual attraction only after forming an emotional attachment. Then there are people who consider themselves asexual, which means they don't experience sexual attraction toward anyone (although they can have sex drives). There's also differences between romantic, sensual, aesthetic, and sexual attraction.
People click when they click and what makes one person click with you may not another. I find for myself humor is the best quality for attraction. For other's it's a big fat pay check or the ugly tie they are wearing. Bottom line you just know when you click or don't click.
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