Is this woman into me? (married, older, coworker, oh my...) (dating, wife)
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I have been dating a girl for 4 years, and things have been incredibly rocky for the last 2 years. We have really disconnected from one another, and I am almost convinced that it is time to end it with this woman. Our goals are completely different, partially because I am not who I thought I was 4 years ago, and I feel like I am wasting time. I want kids, she can't have kids. I work in a highly competitive field, she doesn't. We just are incompatible. I loathe having to listen to her petty problems. I have felt this way for a bit now, but have been having a hard time coming to terms with it. I hate giving up on anything. I love the person she is -- I just don't think that she is my soul mate.
MEANWHILE
This woman recently began working at my job, maybe 4 months ago. She was originally not in my department. The extent of our working relationship during that time was a pleasant initial greeting, as well as the occasional warm smile or a wink in the hallway. From the moment that she started, I have been incredibly attracted to her, physically. She looked just a few years older (maybe 4) than me, in my late twenties; with an amazingly bright smile, beautiful personality, & an incredible figure! I would admire her beauty whenever the chance, but since we didn’t interact much, I didn't pay her much mind.
This all changed about two months ago. A set of circumstances outside of my control have led this woman to becoming part of my department, which requires her to interact with me on a daily basis. Since we have been working more closely together, I have been noticing a lot of subtle things that would indicate to me that she is attracted to me.
For one, when we have 'one-on-one' discussions, we stare so intensely into one another’s eyes. It is hard for either one of us to break that lock, even when we are done talking. Like we are playing a game of chicken, seeing who will stop looking first. I have no idea what she is thinking then, but I know it has nothing to do with what we are discussing. Sometimes a tiny little smile will emerge from the corner of her mouth, or a laugh -- there have been times where she has forgotten what we were talking about mid-conversation.
Secondly, there is definitely an increased level of comfort and/or body contact occurring between the two of us. Some examples: When leaving a group conversation in the break room, she squeezes my shoulder as she walked by. Sometimes she'll walk past behind me as I'm mentoring new hires, and touch my lower back or shoulder as she passes. This type of gesture is normally done when you’re squeezing past someone in a tight spot. However, this hallway is large.
She often does borderline seductive things, like stretching in ways that would reveal her sexy abdomen or lower back while we talk. When coming to my desk to discuss something, she often leans against the wall 1-2 ft. away from my chair while talking, or touching/arranging my desk while we talk. Sometimes she'll sneak up on me, and rest her hand on the back of my chair. She seems to enjoy getting within my personal 1-2 ft. of space.
She asks me much more personal questions than others, and often finds similarities between our personal traits. I love the conversations but I try not to indulge too much as to not give away this attraction to my other coworkers. One thing that I notice is that when we talk, her nose flares quite a bit. I've always understood that nose-flaring was an indication of engagement/attraction in a woman. And the winks! She constantly winks at me. I do not think that she winks at everyone.
As these things are occurring, I found out that she is actually seven (7) years older than me. This is something that does not bother me a bit.
Last week, things got a little more intense. I had to work late, and for one reason or another, we ended up being the last two people at the office. We walked out together and had a 30 minute conversation in the parking lot. It was intense. We exchanged cell numbers for 'work related' reasons. I wanted to kiss her. I did not, however, because at some point she casually mentioned her husband. It was a huge shocker to me to discover this. I had not noticed a ring on her finger. Not once has she mentioned being married. I eventually cut the conversation short -- which she teased me about (not about the husband) -- and I left.
The same thing happened the next evening. I had to work late, and again, we were the last two people at the office. We walked out together, I felt so close and comfortable with her. We had a really amazing 30-45 minute talk about life and work and the types of people we are. The same intense feeling was there as the previous night. Again I wanted to kiss her, but I didn’t. In hindsight, I feel as if she was just sitting there waiting for me to tell her how I felt. She had no other reason to be there. It was late. We bitched about work a bit. She mentioned that it would be nice if we got a drink sometime together. I told her that I would like that, but we left it open-ended. I cut the conversation short again like a fool. We wished each other a good night and I left, with my stomach in knots.
CONCLUSION
Needless to say, this physical attraction has grown to be emotional as well. I am in trouble. Had a long weekend to cool off, but I cannot get this woman out of my mind. I haven't felt this way in years!
I understand that any action on either of our parts would be "impractical due to work reasons and immoral due to the fact that she is married". But I really want to let this girl know that I am interested in her, without risking embarrassment or risking either one of our jobs...
Based on this information, I would like to know if this woman is attracted to me? Is she trying to put it on me, or trying to pursue a relationship and/or affair? Or is she just being an innocent work flirt?
I understand that any action on either of our parts would be "impractical due to work reasons and immoral due to the fact that she is married". But I really want to let this girl know that I am interested in her, without risking embarrassment or risking either one of our jobs...
Don't go there. She is unavailable to you and you should treat her as such.
If you are reading this all wrong, you are just going to make an ass of yourself. If you aren't, it would be a very BAD idea to be involved in an affair AND with someone you work with. That's just pure stupidity.
OP, if you go this far into detail about attraction to/from a married woman, you have more problems than just not understanding her signals.
Step back and get a grip on yourself. Look for someone who is available and someone with whom a relationship would not hurt people you don't even know.
Ah, yes, the ol' flirty-at-work stage. Is there anything more exciting??!!
Honey, clean up your house. Do your job. Stop walking on the edge of a cliff if you don't want to fall off.
Don't "end up" talking to her for 45 minutes in the parking lot anymore. Set up some boundaries and keep your mind on your job so you don't get fired. Some people just like to play.
I have been dating a girl for 4 years, and things have been incredibly rocky for the last 2 years. We have really disconnected from one another, and I am almost convinced that it is time to end it with this woman. Our goals are completely different, partially because I am not who I thought I was 4 years ago, and I feel like I am wasting time. I want kids, she can't have kids. I work in a highly competitive field, she doesn't. We just are incompatible. I loathe having to listen to her petty problems. I have felt this way for a bit now, but have been having a hard time coming to terms with it. I hate giving up on anything. I love the person she is -- I just don't think that she is my soul mate.
I didnt read the rest of your story, but this is all I had to read ^ to know there's another person involved.
Its funny, how people make empty excuses to leave the person they're with to want/be with someone else.
But this happened to one of my friends a while ago. This woman at work was into him and he was into her. And he's married. And it had barely been like over a year. His wife found out and he was in the doghouse for a while but now he's out.
Absolutely amazing what desirable males can get away with and how much women want them.
That is one good thing about being a less desirable male. When (if) I get married to someone I like I won't have to deal with that BS and my wife won't have to worry about a thing.
Absolutely amazing what desirable males can get away with and how much women want them.
That is one good thing about being a less desirable male. When (if) I get married to someone I like I won't have to deal with that BS and my wife won't have to worry about a thing.
Good points, but the cheaters will pay at some point. For instance, if a married man cheats and his wife finds out (and she will), he may be paying with actual green dollars for some time after the divorce. That's gotta hurt. And their reputations will be besmirched forever afterwards, because there is no such thing as a secret.
Your last point: Don't be so sure about that. Lots of people have affairs, attractive or not. The best defense against that from the point of view of your future wife is to treat her right, from the start.
I sincerely appreciate everyones input, even if you guys probably think that I am a bad guy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JoanD'Arc
Agreed, Sixy.
OP, if you go this far into detail about attraction to/from a married woman, you have more problems than just not understanding her signals.
Step back and get a grip on yourself. Look for someone who is available and someone with whom a relationship would not hurt people you don't even know.
I love my job. I didn't ask for this to happen, and I wish I didn't feel this way. Could you go into more detail about these additional "problems" I may have aside from not understanding her signals?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
Ah, yes, the ol' flirty-at-work stage. Is there anything more exciting??!!
Honey, clean up your house. Do your job. Stop walking on the edge of a cliff if you don't want to fall off.
Don't "end up" talking to her for 45 minutes in the parking lot anymore. Set up some boundaries and keep your mind on your job so you don't get fired. Some people just like to play.
Stern words. Thank you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JJS99
I'm not really sure if this story is legit.
But this happened to one of my friends a while ago. This woman at work was into him and he was into her. And he's married. And it had barely been like over a year. His wife found out and he was in the doghouse for a while but now he's out.
Absolutely amazing what desirable males can get away with and how much women want them.
That is one good thing about being a less desirable male. When (if) I get married to someone I like I won't have to deal with that BS and my wife won't have to worry about a thing.
Thanks for the input. The story is legit. In hindsight, I regret the amount of detail I've added. I fear that someone that I know might read this. But I really need advice.
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