Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I've never been the one who loved someone but said love was not reciprocated. However, it was recently brought to my attention by a gentleman I'm close to that he's had feelings for me for, well, since we met. We connected on many levels then, but life took us on a different path. I had a feeling he's always had a really intense crush on me, and he's dropped hints at long term and us being together. We've discussed our dating scene woes and all of that, but not so much "us." I thought the distance would be an issue for him since he lives in D.C. area and I'm now in CA (I moved from the East Coast in the spring).
He didn't think he'd have a chance with me because he's "just a geeky/average guy" and he felt I could/would do better. Though I told him after he inquired about my recent dating ventures that I'm done with dating. So done. He said the same, and then started talking about us in the not quite joking way. He's been crazy about me since we crossed paths last fall, and was very sad when I moved away. He said I've always been the one he wants, and is likely why his relationships haven't been working out. While we are close, he didn't think I felt even a fraction of what he feels, so he didn't pursue any further. I thought he was interested in exploring other options, so I didn't approach him in that light (he opened up to me about personal things involving his sexuality. Things he's wanted to explore that I didn't want to interfere with).
Anyway, we started talking regularly again, which he didn't think would happen. The distance doesn't worry me since I've been in long distance relationships, and my ex-husband was active duty military and was deployed for long periods of time (not why we divorced).
For those of you that have experienced it, was there a positive or happy ending? Like once your admirer was aware of your feelings things took a better turn?
He didn't think he'd have a chance with me because he's "just a geeky/average guy" and he felt I could/would do better. Though I told him after he inquired about my recent dating ventures that I'm done with dating. So done. He said the same, and then started talking about us in the not quite joking way. He's been crazy about me since we crossed paths last fall, and was very sad when I moved away. He said I've always been the one he wants, and is likely why his relationships haven't been working out. While we are close, he didn't think I felt even a fraction of what he feels, so he didn't pursue any further. I thought he was interested in exploring other options, so I didn't approach him in that light (he opened up to me about personal things involving his sexuality. Things he's wanted to explore that I didn't want to interfere with).
If a dude told me he thought I was too good for him, that is automatically turn off. But I cannot deny that been worshipped like a Goddess does something positive for my ego. (short lived though)
I want my man to treat me like a queen, and also allow me to treat him like a king. I want to be in an equal relationship because that is the kind of relationship can survive in the long run.
I have several guys who told me I was out of their league in the past. I honestly didn't feel I was. I viewed them as my equal. I think when a person feels inferior, in the back of his mind, he has already prepared for the worst. He wouldn't give me the kind of love I deserve anyway.
You can either reassure him that you are his equal, or let him know exactly what you see in him. I am sure he is lovely.
Yes. For me, unrequited love is different fro straight rejection, because it necessitates that I know the woman and have feelings for her.
It has happened to me a few times. It is pretty much the worst thing that can happen to a guy and what I try and steer guys here away from happening, pretty much exactly what you are describing. In other words, you as a man want to get your answer early and move on.
Each time it turned out bad and each time it took me a long time to get over the woman. One, a college classmate, it took me 3 years to get over her. The last one it took me a long time too, and I didnt even have any contact with her after the rejection.
Unrequited love is like all of the negatives of being dumped, but none of the positives of having had that relationship.
Unrequited love should never happen to smarter men who have experience.
That said, I suggest you collect your thoughts and feelings for this gentleman and make a determination. If you like him, then go for it. If you don't, then I'd suggest staying away from him. Keeping in touch and/or being charming will just make it more painful for him.
I really don't believe you can love someone you've never had in that way. makes no sense.
But to answer the question. It did happen to me but it started off very mutual..and in fact, at first he was crazier about me than I was about him. then it changed almost a year in. Its the most intense feeling of rejection I have ever experienced and then he kept dangling that love in front of me for another 2 and a half years. Of course that part was my fault, since I kept letting him back in my life. but hey, ya live and ya learn! I never want to feel like that again but I have felt similar forms of heartbreak since. I guess it can't be avoided lol.
I really don't believe you can love someone you've never had in that way. makes no sense.
But to answer the question. It did happen to me but it started off very mutual..and in fact, at first he was crazier about me than I was about him. then it changed almost a year in. Its the most intense feeling of rejection I have ever experienced and then he kept dangling that love in front of me for another 2 and a half years. Of course that part was my fault, since I kept letting him back in my life. but hey, ya live and ya learn! I never want to feel like that again but I have felt similar forms of heartbreak since. I guess it can't be avoided lol.
That's not unrequited love. He liked you at one point. Its just getting dumped.
Yes. For me, unrequited love is different fro straight rejection, because it necessitates that I know the woman and have feelings for her.
It has happened to me a few times. It is pretty much the worst thing that can happen to a guy and what I try and steer guys here away from happening, pretty much exactly what you are describing. In other words, you as a man want to get your answer early and move on.
Each time it turned out bad and each time it took me a long time to get over the woman. One, a college classmate, it took me 3 years to get over her. The last one it took me a long time too, and I didnt even have any contact with her after the rejection.
Unrequited love is like all of the negatives of being dumped, but none of the positives of having had that relationship.
Unrequited love should never happen to smarter men who have experience.
That said, I suggest you collect your thoughts and feelings for this gentleman and make a determination. If you like him, then go for it. If you don't, then I'd suggest staying away from him. Keeping in touch and/or being charming will just make it more painful for him.
I did, and he couldn't be any happier. He's on cloud 9.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JJS99
FYI, what you describe, accurately or not, is what men refer to as the friendzone. Lol.
Yes. That's what I told a friend of mine. The dreaded friend zone. Poor thing has put up with my dating talks for nearly a year (and he's discussed the same with me) when he's secretly or not so secretly had strong feelings for me. He mentioned that it was bittersweet when I was in a relationship because I was happy, or appeared to be, but he ultimately wanted me happy with him.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Though I told him after he inquired about my recent dating ventures that I'm done with dating. So done. He said the same, and then started talking about us in the not quite joking way. He's been crazy about me since we crossed paths last fall, and was very sad when I moved away. He said I've always been the one he wants, and is likely why his relationships haven't been working out. While we are close, he didn't think I felt even a fraction of what he feels, so he didn't pursue any further. I thought he was interested in exploring other options, so I didn't approach him in that light (he opened up to me about personal things involving his sexuality. Things he's wanted to explore that I didn't want to interfere with).
The distance doesn't worry me since I've been in long distance relationships, and my ex-husband was active duty military and was deployed for long periods of time (not why we divorced). 
