Dumped her...should I take her back? (dating, Christian, wives)
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I'm a DV abused separated 35 y. man dated a reformed (now Christian) 33 y single mom chick whose had also been married to a 50+ yr old guy (according to him only to secure her green card). Even before I confessed being married she would not acknowledge in public me or take me to her church etc. After I confessed she decided she would bend her rules and continue to date me and be my lover. But still no visit to her church until I had my divorce decree.
We had no issues whatsoever until the holidays arrived last week and social circumstances showed our true colors: Another 50+ yr old 'friend' of her showed up at her parents home and they massaged each other in front of me; I flipped and she accused me of not trusting her when I did not even know her friend (well hello, she did not even introduce me as her bf and worse, when I told the guy I was her bf and these scenes made me uncomfortable, she walked him to his car and denied me being her bf). 4 days later I browsed her cell msgs and there he was, asking her to let him come over to 'pamper' her for her having a cold, etc.
We spent a whole day trying to work things out, she was upset at me and made me apologize to her mom for embarrassing her family. She said things would change, there would be no more sex as she wanted to get back to her Christian hood. I told her that if she really wanted to do things RIGHT with her God, then continuing to date me without the sex factor would not be much of a difference, and dating me without sex would be ok with me as long as she made some allowances such as acknowledging me and giving me the proper respect. She said she would think about it and come up with 'guidelines and restrictions' because she did not want to split. Later that same day I called her and also emailed her the following. I received a text msg one day later from. My gut feeling is 1.) to ignore her completely regardless of what she says or does going forward, although wondering if I should 2.) in a day or so reply just to let her I'm fine (which inexplicably I am, feel liberated and not missing her a bit) or 3.) hold my reply until she is remorseful and apologizes for treating me like this. Thoughts?
"Sorry the means but tried to call you. I'm just saving us time. Unfortunately I am not happy, it was all or nothing and by that I do not mean intimate relationships, but just because of being your MAN, I cannot accept less than the recognition such an intimate person deserves.
I know I am not quite right, as I am not single, but what do you expect, I am not a Christian nor single and still you accepted me and therefore I can not accept to not be acknowledged and worse, to tell that 'friend' of yours that I was not your boyfriend, after ALL that you and I have shared.
Sorry but my dignity and identity can not tolerate such a low blow, in the same way that your dignity and identity can not recognize me in your life. Thank you for loving me Ruth."
A day later, she texted and FB msg me (did not open it so it would not show 'read' ) the following:
"G. ..
it hurts but I respect your decision, I want to thank you for your love, for your dedication, for your time, you are a remarkable man, I miss you. You'll be always in my prayers." Additional Details
Yes, she was going to help me file the divorce papework but as of late we had been spending long hours helping her land a job, she was fine with putting it off for a while. Another note: the last time I saw her, she said: "now that I think about it, I have never asked the name of your parents"...
I'm a DV abused separated 35 y. man dated a reformed (now Christian) 33 y single mom chick whose had also been married to a 50+ yr old guy (according to him only to secure her green card).
Sorry I meant to say that I am 35 yrs old, currently separated from an abusive wife and she is a 33 year old single mom (from her first 'married' bf) and has been divorced for about 3 years from a marriage to a 50+ yr old guy who swears only married him to obtain a green card...
I missed the part where she said she wants to come back. And also the part why you'd want to go back. The whole thread made me tired. I can only imagine how you felt.
You are in another abuse relationship mate. Dump her and get as far away from her as possible. Seek some help to restore your confidence and don't be a doormat again. Get through the divorce before looking for another partner. A relationship should be a partnership, both parties are equal in it or it is doomed to fail. Good luck and stand up for what you want in a relationship in the future.
Sorry I meant to say that I am 35 yrs old, currently separated from an abusive wife and she is a 33 year old single mom (from her first 'married' bf) and has been divorced for about 3 years from a marriage to a 50+ yr old guy who swears only married him to obtain a green card...
If she has a child with a man who was/is married and she just married a guy so he could get a green card; she's not the type that you want to get involved with long-term. You dumped her for a reason, there doesn't seem to be a reason that you should take her back.
Her text that she "respects your decision" and "you'll always be in my prayers" are good-bye statements. She accepts the split and does not want to come back.
Thanks all.
JustJulia: I read that part the same way but also read the fact that she said she missed me.
However, I know her and know she can be very stubborn and I know it was not easy for her to come back and say that she is hurt and misses me. How should I interpret that? Anyways, I texted her back this morning, which I think did not make me feel needy and I still feel good about myself. I think it will be up to her to come up with a proposal if in fact she wants to be with me and wants to be flexible for us to do all these things without having to wait (getting divorced, her taking me to her church, etc.):
TEXT: "Thank you. I miss you too and it hurts. The ideal thing would have been for us to mold as one flesh, put behind so many reservations and taken concrete steps (divorce, ring, church, Alaska [honeymoon], Azul [future daughter], loved you for the rest of my life, etc..)"
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
Reputation: 40635
Oh, she misses you, how touching. Gag.
Run away and keep on moving. She can fix herself for someone else.
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