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Women and their stupid shaming language, "you're naive and immature if you're not in a long term relationship and if you just want to be single and date different women".
That's crap, that has nothing to do with maturity or immaturity, it has to do with your personality. Just like the other poster I get bored easily and I can't see myself with the same person forever, it doesn't make me immature, it makes me a normal human being.
So I might like to read classics, philosophy, have a high iq, be interested in science, politics, good music, art, do well financially, help my family and friends, be concerned about the world and simply try to be a good person in general, but if I also like women and want to be with different ones and am not interested in a long term relationship I'm immature... right... because staying with the same person forever is the tool we should use to measure maturity
I could go on and on about that post as well, but it basically summarizes itself in one word: "unmature".
Well i am 30 and never been married and the way thing are going it does loo like i will ever get married. I want to but school is the most important thing in my life right now.
This going back to college is my second shot to reinvent my self and turn my life around and i should of done it a long time ago.
Well i am 30 and never been married and the way thing are going it does loo like i will ever get married. I want to but school is the most important thing in my life right now.
This going back to college is my second shot to reinvent my self and turn my life around and i should of done it a long time ago.
It's good that you have ambition and are focusing on your education. I dropped out of community college nearly 20 years ago and have never made more than 20k a year if that. I'm in my mid 30s and never dated or had a girlfriend. Being that I was poor all my life I never lived in a big city where meeting people was possible. Right now I'm renting a room in a "bedroom community" where people commute 1:30 2hrs into NYC and surrounding areas.
Teens: + high school hotties. + wild drunken parties. +excitement at everything being new - drama - cliques - parents & restriction, not independent, - immature bullcrap -Can't date older.
20s: + college hotties, bodies in their prime + greatest variety & opportunity available to meet hot girls that anyone will ever have. - no money - still some immaturity, flakiness. Can mainly only date very close to current age. -uncertainty in job, living situations. Did I mention flakiness?
30s: + more money + fewer hangups, sex not as dramatic, more regular & expected, +Can still date from 21 up but now up to early 40s are available (see pluses about confident, like sex) -with 20s girls notice more of their immature crap than ever before, flaky, over 30 women: +less flaky, women more confident, more sure of what they want. -kids in the picture, -ex-husband, baby daddy in picture, -set in ways. -sometimes married to career -bodies starting to show age, b/c of kids? (confidence will make up for that), -sometimes jaded over past relationships, -sometimes too eager to make strong commitment
About to turn 38 here in a few weeks. Never been married. Looking for others who are in the same situation to exchange experiences/perception.
Basically, I'm a late bloomer. When I was in my teens and twenties, I was somewhat shy, hesitant. Still have not gotten over it completely but my dating life has been so much better in my thirties, there's just no comparison. I joke with people saying that I'm 10 years behind schedules. Basically what I'm doing now is what my friends all did 10 years ago when they were in late twenties. Whereas most of my twenties were spent in somewhat of an "awkward stage" that many go through as teens.
This year (37) has been most productive of my life thus far as far # of women hooked up with, dated, etc... so I see no signs of slowing down and I do look fairly young as I'm in shape, financially independent, etc. Still, time waits for no one and that special someone to settle down has eluded me thus far. I could totally see myself as one of the lifelong bachelors and that thought does give me a bit of worry at times, not all the time. I'm hoping my recent string of successes will propel me to meet that person.
If anyone else is in a similar predicament, I'd love to hear from you.
I'm 36 and still a bachelor. I can really relate to your late bloomer paragraph. I look and feel young, and I've always felt immature for my age. It seems like I'm 15 years behind what most people are doing. I'm still very much in an awkward stage, and I've decided to become a resolved single. I have had 2 girlfriends in the past, but I kind of live in my own weird little world and just can't give up my freedom. It hurts to lose girlfriends, so I've opted to never enter into any kind of relationship ever again. And I'm at peace with that decision. Having a girlfriend was a wonderful experience, but my personal space will always trump that. As much as I wish I could be like everyone else, I have to stay true to who I am and my selfish needs. I need to be alone.
Kudos to you, OP, for overcoming your awkward stage and for going out there and dating. It couldn't have been easy at first, and it seems like you are doing quite well with the ladies. I wish you success in finding the one or in your continued bachelorhood, if that's what you decide to do.
Teens: + high school hotties. + wild drunken parties. +excitement at everything being new - drama - cliques - parents & restriction, not independent, - immature bullcrap -Can't date older.
20s: + college hotties, bodies in their prime + greatest variety & opportunity available to meet hot girls that anyone will ever have. - no money - still some immaturity, flakiness. Can mainly only date very close to current age. -uncertainty in job, living situations. Did I mention flakiness?
30s: + more money + fewer hangups, sex not as dramatic, more regular & expected, +Can still date from 21 up but now up to early 40s are available (see pluses about confident, like sex) -with 20s girls notice more of their immature crap than ever before, flaky, over 30 women: +less flaky, women more confident, more sure of what they want. -kids in the picture, -ex-husband, baby daddy in picture, -set in ways. -sometimes married to career -bodies starting to show age, b/c of kids? (confidence will make up for that), -sometimes jaded over past relationships, -sometimes too eager to make strong commitment
Not bad. Not bad at all.
30s dating at times feels mechanized. Too many jaded 30 something singles. Way too many. Just look at the CD postings.
One of the biggest mistakes guys make is getting married in their early twenties. When you are 30, you discover that your friends just fresh out of a starter divorce are now miserable with kids. You are single and never married. And if you are smart, you spent your 20s working on education and career and you have saved up some money. Now in your early 30s, you are better off than the married guys and certainly divorced ones.
You now have the ability to take some awesome vacations, enjoy your freedom with increasing financial independence. You are no longer the shy person watching your friends getting married. You are envied now by those who didn't make good choices in their 20s.
You know, people could help themselves a lot if they avoid jumping into relationships or a marriage in their early 20s, if they wait until they are mature enough.
The decade between 20 and 30 is a one that sets the tone for all future decades in your life. In your 20s, you have the longest investment horizon. Time is on your side. The increase your earning power you need to work on your education and career. They are best done when your life is relatively simple. You just don't want to be chasing a toddler in your 20s. It's a tragedy.
30's > 20's > teens. By a LONG shot. Here's a bunch of reasons:
While these are all reasonable points, especially for persons who mature later and endure longer, one has to take into account the availability of women. The mid-30s male might just be hitting his proverbial stride, but what does "the market" offer? Depending on the locale, women might mostly already be in marriages, or have kids in tow. Thus precisely when the guy in question is the best candidate for dating, he may also find himself in an inauspicious market.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Costaexpress
One of the biggest mistakes guys make is getting married in their early twenties. When you are 30, you discover that your friends just fresh out of a starter divorce are now miserable with kids. ...
The decade between 20 and 30 is a one that sets the tone for all future decades in your life. In your 20s, you have the longest investment horizon. Time is on your side. ...
My junior colleagues at work, who are now in their early or mid 30s, and who were hired circa 2002-2003, all married in their early/mid 20s. Now all have children, none are divorced, and all are on reasonable path with their finances. Of those few coworkers who have divorced (and indeed that number is small), most waited until their 30s to get married. Marriages collapsed because the spouses were already set in their ways, unwilling to compromise, and felt stifled in their individual pursuits. On the other hand, those who married right after college, before their personalities and lifestyles fully formed, essentially grew up together, and grew into each other as their marriages progressed.
There is a male sense of pride when you have a wife and kids. Traditionally it's regarded as an achievement. This is also quite primitive, as it suggests winning and impregnating a person. Lots of guys even show off and brag about their "achievements." What I'm seeing is that so oh you don't have freedom and independence. Sorry dude. Getting a wife and impregnating her is one of the most primitive and lowest on the ranks of a man's achievements. Animals do that too.
But this is why so many guys are idiots. They never seem to see the financial side of these decisions. They allow their penis, mind, abs, and society's stupid rules to control them. They are victims of social norms. Be a good boyfriend, husband, father, and then when things fall apart, you are the biggest financial sucker. How is that working out for ya?
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