Disposable marriage (lover, cheats, young, children)
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Child support and alimony IS slavery, if you quit your job you can be jailed and you will for sure never get ahead in life unless your doing something illegal on the side like selling dope.
Child support is not slavery. The man is the father, the man owes the child support. Who else should support it? Society?
Nobody who is upset about taxes should be upset about child support. They should be lobbying for higher child support payments. Why should society pay the cost of serial polygamy?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ralph_Kirk
Child support is not slavery. The man is the father, the man owes the child support. Who else should support it? Society?
Why would a man with 50/50 custody pay child support (which seems to be the norm from what I see around here)? He's covering support when the kid is with him. How does that make sense?
I think this thread strayed quite a bit but it's quite on-point in its essence. But first of all, people should know what marriage was, is, will always be. It's the "what ifs". I find it hilarious that the country with gay marriage trumpeted around hasn't resolved main issue with an institution that is rapidly failing and falling out of mainstream in terms of human age. The whole institution rather became a burden and a liability rather than factor of stability. In fact, stable marriages are the result of other things, not the marriage itself. Also, stable marriages among wealthier demographics is rather a consequence of the fact that people who tend to be more old-school are contributing to marriage stability, NOT the money itself... otherwise Hollywood couples would be the most stable couples in the world.
Here are some major issues with marriage that are ultimately making it disposable: Issue #1 with marriage is definitely the society (the way society reasons and lives just makes it incompatible for most folks and people do change in the process even more, yet the institution is supposed to be "until death makes you apart"). Issue #2 is unfair legal treatment of parties involved (laws skewed to favor wives at the expense of husbands). Issue #3 is that marriage copies property laws and practices of a failed system system that is incompatible with today's system (they implemented Soviet model of dealing with property in a capitalist system, with no-fault literally mocking the whole property treatment overall). Issue #4 is complete legal relativization of many of the pillars of marriage that overwhelming majority of people would put as a key issue regarding marriage(i.e. adultery, abandonment, disregarding the other party and acting on your own in general, etc), yet focusing primarily on issues related to #3 even though the whole institution is reduced to mere "gentlemen's contract" despite numerous procedures and checks to ensure its validity and authenticity. No "gentlement's contract" in such environment could ever exist and would cease over the course of time.
Biggest disgrace is that all of those issues are real problems of marriage and we are in the process of supposed "redefining marriage". The institution as it is today should NOT be a legal option to anyone because it is a scam. Debaters also use wrong notion and don't tackle real issues, nor they speak the truth, either side in the supposed "debate". In fact, results of the debate are well-planned and known and it's not going to change much of the fact that the institution is on its way out of mainstream society. Both sides basically want to keep the status quo and are very adamant to even introduce forced marriages to keep with this institution in the mainstream. How else can you address the common law marriages than forced marriages, given that the individuals (or at least one of them) deliberately didn't marry to AVOID marriage institution? The whole deal is to make divorce industry to keep spinning and the unfair practices to persist in this society. I've never seen either protesters, polls or widespread debates in any place where politics and agendas forced the marriage institution upon people who never wanted it in first place.
Other words - socieety and people actually treat marriage much more than it is worth in today's world. However, other group of people are adamant to abuse the "sentiments" of many folks to use it for their personal agendas and do exactly the same things that they pretend that they are there to stop or oppose.
Why would a man with 50/50 custody pay child support (which seems to be the norm from what I see around here)? He's covering support when the kid is with him. How does that make sense?
Not sure if you said this right or not. A lot of parents retain joint custody. However, one parent tends to be the primary caregiver, and that is the parent who generally would be in receipt of the support payments, to assist in providing that "care."
Lets not pretend that the support issue does not go both ways. Generally women end up as the primary caregiver (for many reasons). However, I know father's who are the primary caregiver, and who receive child support payments from the mother as well.
BUT... maybe the biggest point here is that child support has nothing to do with marriage in and of itself.
If a man and a woman, who are not married, have a child together... they are still both responsible for that child and either could be ordered to pay support payments to the other payment for the support of the child.
I know what you mean. It's so sad to witness people enter into a union, unhealthy, and then watch relationships fall apart.
I've concluded there are several issues present:
People are not whole within themselves and they expect someone else to complete them.
Issues with mother and father relationships that have yet to be addressed
Understanding marriage is about a journey, roller-coaster ride, and it's not about dictating and controlling others.
Addition to unhealthy behavior. If you feel as if you are not good enough; you will chase people who really aren't worth catching. (TV One had a great show showcasing this problem called Love Addiction)
Lack of commitment to a higher power as a foundation of how to treat others and morally acceptable behavior
Agenda's and motives are primary rather than love. Figuring out how to "work him" rather than truly love someone as yourself.
Lack of witnessing healthy relationships between parents and/or close relatives.
People think marriage is just some fairy tale. It's about a friendship, love, and journey that is to endure. It's not about the most handsome man/prettiest woman or about someone's bank account. It's about establishing a foundation with someone that not only loves you but is committed to being a good person in order to endure the changes of life.
Common goals, morals, religion, and value system is important. When you love someone (as a healthy person) interaction it is not about controlling, manipulating, or making your man your child. When you love someone it is demanding that this woman care for you and not just for the diamonds and money. Loyalty is a valuable trait.
I'm with you. I have no idea what's going on in relationships today.
It's so sad to witness some great women that will never be wives or mothers while witnessing value placed on manipulating and controlling women who play games and appear to obtain what they don't deserve. It's sad to see good men (with the potential to be great husband and fathers) ignored by women with issues from being "broken."
Just Wright -Common and Queen Latifah did a great job of illustrating what happens in relationships.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Checkered24
Not sure if you said this right or not. A lot of parents retain joint custody. However, one parent tends to be the primary caregiver, and that is the parent who generally would be in receipt of the support payments, to assist in providing that "care."
Lets not pretend that the support issue does not go both ways. Generally women end up as the primary caregiver (for many reasons). However, I know father's who are the primary caregiver, and who receive child support payments from the mother as well.
See, that is not what I see around here. There is no primary caregiver, they switch of weeks/weekends so each have their child 50% of the time. Good thing too! The off weeks are when the single moms get to date and they've had a week of staying home and being mom to get out of their systems . Since I'm a gentleman, I do my best to help
See, that is not what I see around here. There is no primary caregiver, they switch of weeks/weekends so each have their child 50% of the time. Good thing too! The off weeks are when the single moms get to date and they've had a week of staying home and being mom to get out of their systems . Since I'm a gentleman, I do my best to help
I guess we've seen different situations.
I have this kind of arrangement with my Ex. So maybe I can explain it. It's important to note, we agreed to it--we mediated our entire divorce decree, including how much child support would be.
We have 50/50* custody, but I pay all the bills. It's just easier that way. She spends time with both of us and to an outsider it looks like we just switch weeks and such. But what others don't see is how things are financed.
For example, the biggest bill, the $500 a month bill for after school child care (so both my Ex and I can work) is paid 100% by me. But my Ex pays too, though child support. I also pay for health insurance, clothing, our child's clubs and organizations and any gear needed for that (for sports), buy school supplies, school lunches (they use a monthly debit system--I fund it), pay for her speech therapist (she has a speech impediment), etc. What my Ex sends in the form of child support is, in a way, a reimbursement for me paying all these bills on behalf of both of us. The amount paid for child support (in our case) excludes things like housing, food, etc since we have the split physical custody.
We sat down with a lawyer (as a mediator) the lawyer calculated the cost per month to support our child and then split the cost along income lines (which ends up being 2/3 for him and 1/3 for me). If we selected him as primary care giver, I would pay him my 1/3. With me as primary care giver, he pays me his 2/3. But all the money goes to the care of our child.
We decided that I should be the primary caregiver parent for various reasons--but the strongest reasons were my work offers a much less expensive health care and dental coverage for her and because I live in-state, I get discounted prices on the after school child care that he can't get. Basically, it saves us both money.
And I will tell you this, it stinks being primary care giver when something big comes up... like when our child needed a reading tutor. I was spending $600 a month for an entire school year on a reading tutor for our child because she was falling behind on reading despite my best efforts. The tutor was worth it for sure--she's now above grade level on reading. But at one point, I was paying $2300 a month in child related expenses for 10 months. My Ex reimburses me $700 a month in child support (and makes twice as much as I do). So it's not all sunshine and lollypops being the one getting the child support check.
* I should note that on paper we have 50/50 custody, but my Ex doesn't take our child in all the time he's supposed to have. Mostly it's because he's moved away and it's impractical for him to take her to school. But that was his choice.
And I know I've said it before, but the reason we are divorced is that he's gay. It's really nothing we can control or "not quit" on. My only beef was it is that I think he had an idea he was gay when we married (I had no clue). He put me though pain and hell discovering himself. But it's all for the best now. I am no longer tortured wondering why I am not a "good enough" wife... and he no longer has to live a lie.
Last edited by jillabean; 12-20-2013 at 07:51 AM..
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,995,252 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean
* I should note that on paper we have 50/50 custody, but my Ex doesn't take our child in all the time he's supposed to have. Mostly it's because he's moved away and it's impractical for him to take her to school. But that was his choice.
I'm sorry. I guess my peers are just fortunate. One thing I noticed is that even when divorced they still live very close to each other, close enough for a short walk. Some feel handcuffed to their condos/houses because they can't (really don't) want to move away from their ex for their kids, and to preserve the normalcy of routine as much as they can.
Though, like you, most used a mediator for divorce and didn't want to spend all that money on lawyers... not sure why that isn't more the norm now.
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. Since I'm a gentleman, I do my best to help 
