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This type of thing goes on. When I first started dating my last girlfriend many of her friends told her she could do better. They were critical of me without ever knowing me. What surprised me is a couple of her girlfriends (and one gay male co-worker) told her that I'm a loser. They knew nothing about my career and would have been shocked at how successful I was in my field at that time. That's when I first realized the word "loser" meant something completely different than it had in decades past. A loser in this era would be a man who doesn't project dominance, status or supreme outward confidence. What would be considered a loser in the past, for example an alcoholic or drug addict who can not hold a job, would not be thought of as a loser if he projects bad boy swag.
Anyway we ended up being together for over a decade. It was the longest and most fulfilling relationship both of us ever had. Meanwhile her girlfriends who told her to not date me at the start were constantly complaining to her about men for years on end.
I don't see why people are attacking the OP for this post. These things do happen. I dated a guy in high school for a year who most people thought was unattractive. One of our MUTUAL friends at the time said to my face she thought he was ugly and would never date him.
But that was high school. This isn't, and people shouldn't get away with saying things like that. I agree with JrzDefector...don't defend yourself, just tell them what they said was inappropriate. They're probably pathetically single and just envious they can't get anyone at all...that or they are unhappy in their relationships or marriages and want to live vicariously through the single and dating friend.
Either way it's BS. I see couples with those "discrepancies" all the time. It's ok to think "wow, she is much prettier than he is cute" or vice versa, but to actually say it?? To your own supposed friend?? Ugh.
Either way it's BS. I see couples with those "discrepancies" all the time. It's ok to think "wow, she is much prettier than he is cute" or vice versa, but to actually say it?? To your own supposed friend?? Ugh.
I think we blow them out of proportion.
I won't deny they exist, but I think if you 'see it all the time' it's not good.
But I do agree, that saying it is much, much worse than thinking it. I have never said it to anyone, much less someone I know and liked. Obviously, that's what we're talking about. If nobody ever said it out loud, nobody would ever know, right?
I don't see why people are attacking the OP for this post. These things do happen. I dated a guy in high school for a year who most people thought was unattractive. One of our MUTUAL friends at the time said to my face she thought he was ugly and would never date him.
But that was high school. This isn't, and people shouldn't get away with saying things like that. I agree with JrzDefector...don't defend yourself, just tell them what they said was inappropriate. They're probably pathetically single and just envious they can't get anyone at all...that or they are unhappy in their relationships or marriages and want to live vicariously through the single and dating friend.
Either way it's BS. I see couples with those "discrepancies" all the time. It's ok to think "wow, she is much prettier than he is cute" or vice versa, but to actually say it?? To your own supposed friend?? Ugh.
I didn't see anyone "attack" the OP
And nobody said "these things do not happen".
Several of us just said when they do the OP shouldn't waste energy or time worrying about it or trying to change it.
An emotionally healthy adult seeks the counsel and wisdom of trusted confidantes only, then stands by all their own choices without apology.
My bf and I have been dating for two months and we are happy. Im proud of my bf and tell people I know about him. Even before we got into a relationship, when people ask me if Im dating someone I always say yes and that Im dating a great guy. The thing is people I know think Im very attractive so they are curious about the guys I date. They will sometimes encourage me to date their friends or guys they work with.
Since my bf and I officially became bf/gf, when people ask about If Im dating anyone I tell them that I have a bf and not free to date anyone else anymore. Then they ask me to see my bfs picture. Like I said I don't hide him so I show pictures of us together. Then people start making comments that he isn't bad looking but I look more attractive than him. They say it in different other ways but the meaning is the same, we don't have the same level of attractiveness. Some even say that I could do better. Some suggests that I should keep dating and not commit to him. Some has tried to convince me that the other guys I was seeing are better ( I was multi-dating). At first it didn't bother me but the more people say it the more it makes me think if they were right. I feel that I always have to convince them that my bf makes me happy, makes me laugh, treats me really well and those are the things that make him attractive in my eyes.
I agree he is not that attractive physically but I like him a lot and like being around him. I miss him everyday were not together. Today, he drove 35miles one way just so he can take me out for dinner. I told him he doesn't have to because he's gonna hit traffic on the way back but he insisted. He isn't maybe the most handsome guy Ive dated but he is a great guy and treats me like a princess. And no matter what other people say Im not going to break up with him. How do I make people understand that? Thank you.
People are thoughtless idiots. This has come up on other threads with other members recently, it's not just you this happens to. If some of the people saying this are your friends, find new friends who aren't as shallow and inconsiderate (i.e. rude). If some are co-workers, tell them their comments are hurtful, and that he's very attractive to you, is a great guy, and you feel fortunate to be with him. For those who say you can do better or shouldn't commit, tell them you'd be a fool NOT to commit to such a great guy, and again, tell them their comments are hurtful and a bit rude. These people need to be told there are boundaries, and they're being disrespectful.
Several studies have found the happiest couples are the ones where the woman is more attractive. Here is one.
I unsucessfully tried to copy and paste one of these studies. You will find it if you do a search on "why pretty women prefer plain men".
I cannot comment on your specific link.
However, such "studies" that have been posted here in the past are often misquoted or mis-represented due to ignoring small but important words in what they say.
Generally, the study says that people tend to be more content in their relationship when they THINK their SO is attractive.
Such studies are not based in any quantitative analysis of relative attractiveness of a cross section of a gender. They are not even making any kind of earth shattering discovery.
They really are just stating the obvious, that people like to be with people they find attractive. DUH.
So again, if the OP finds their SO attractive... that is what is important.
He isn't maybe the most handsome guy Ive dated but he is a great guy and treats me like a princess. And no matter what other people say Im not going to break up with him. How do I make people understand that? Thank you.
Sounds like you've already made up your mind. "No matter what others say, you are not going to break up with him." Then why do you have to make others understand that?
Correct me if I am wrong here, sounds like you DO care what others think of you. (Which is understandable)
Your feeling might be hurt when people criticize your boyfriend's look, maybe? If that is the case, I have to tell you that a lot of people are simply jealous of other people's happy relationships. They will find ANYTHING wrong in that relationship to make their lousy lives look better. e.g. When I was dating my ex, I had several characters in my life putting him down and telling me I could do much better. Believe me, they put HIM down, they put me down. This much I do know.
"You can do so much better than him, he's a single dad who is sick. I cannot believe you are with him." Translation, "This is the best you can do? haha what is wrong with you?"
The best way to deal with people like that is to ignore them and have the happiest relationship. What you have is something they cannot even dream of having.
You need to ask yourself if you really are attracted to this guy. Sounds like to me that you have some doubts yourself. I could be wrong. But if you are really so sure about him, you wouldn't care what others have to say.
Good luck to you
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