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My ex-husband cheated on me 15 years ago. We have 2 sons together. At the time I said I would never forgive him and I would hate him to my death.
However, he has been really good with our kids in the meanwhile and I've noticed a change in him, much more attentive and less tempestuous. He used to be extremely arrogant and explosive, it was impossible to have a talk with him.
About 2 years ago we had a talk and he said he had always been too proud to properly apologise and said he was sorry for what had happened.
Now we are okay, we treat each other in a friendly manner, he always asks how I'm doing.
Despite everything, I don't really hate him because there's no point in that.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,742,544 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChiaraNEN
My ex-husband cheated on me 15 years ago. We have 2 sons together. At the time I said I would never forgive him and I would hate him to my death.
However, he has been really good with our kids in the meanwhile and I've noticed a change in him, much more attentive and less tempestuous. He used to be extremely arrogant and explosive, it was impossible to have a talk with him.
About 2 years ago we had a talk and he said he had always been too proud to properly apologise and said he was sorry for what had happened.
Now we are okay, we treat each other in a friendly manner, he always asks how I'm doing.
Despite everything, I don't really hate him because there's no point in that.
Should I have kept my grudge out of revenge?
Dropping a grudge against your the father of your children when he shows he has changed should be a GOOD thing.
What good would it have done you ? Forgiveness is the true way to happiness.
I'm always amazed at the people who can forgive the murderer of their child.
But I understand to keep it from eating you up it's the right thing to do.
My ex-husband cheated on me 15 years ago. We have 2 sons together. At the time I said I would never forgive him and I would hate him to my death.
However, he has been really good with our kids in the meanwhile and I've noticed a change in him, much more attentive and less tempestuous. He used to be extremely arrogant and explosive, it was impossible to have a talk with him.
About 2 years ago we had a talk and he said he had always been too proud to properly apologise and said he was sorry for what had happened.
Now we are okay, we treat each other in a friendly manner, he always asks how I'm doing.
Despite everything, I don't really hate him because there's no point in that.
Should I have kept my grudge out of revenge?
No. It shows you've grown. My husband wasn't a cheater, at least not with women. Alcohol, and sometimes other substances, were what he preferred to me. I hated him so much when we were married that I wanted nothing more than for him to die. I would fantasize about his death and what I would wear to the funeral--it was what relieved the constant stress and pressure of living with him and his drunk abusive self and being broke because of him. I really and truly just wanted him to die.
But he didn't, and eventually he got so bad that I had to have the cops take him out of the house. I had a daughter, and life had become unbearable and was affecting her. Now we've been divorced for 12 years and our kid is grown, and we learned to get along for her sake. Once he was out of the house and the heavy burden was off of me, I was able to slowly get over my anger and hatred, and these days, we are friendly. He still doesn't see that his drinking and drug use is what destroyed our marriage, but I know that's just his addiction preserving itself. Along the way, I realized one day that I didn't hate him anymore or wish him dead anymore, and I felt as if I had moved along in a positive direction. I realized I had hated him most for not loving me (and for lying by saying he did love me), and I had to accept that I had been a fool. It's not a good feeling, but accepting that I had been nothing but a naive sucker who fell for the lies of a drunk helped me move forward, too.
Holding onto something for the sake of revenge is silly. To treat each other with respect and in a civil manner is prudent. Indifference is a good place to be. It doesn't consume your energy and is good for your own health.
My ex-husband cheated on me 15 years ago. We have 2 sons together. At the time I said I would never forgive him and I would hate him to my death.
However, he has been really good with our kids in the meanwhile and I've noticed a change in him, much more attentive and less tempestuous. He used to be extremely arrogant and explosive, it was impossible to have a talk with him.
About 2 years ago we had a talk and he said he had always been too proud to properly apologise and said he was sorry for what had happened.
Now we are okay, we treat each other in a friendly manner, he always asks how I'm doing.
Despite everything, I don't really hate him because there's no point in that.
"Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."
That's great.
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