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Do we attract those that mirror who we are? So for instance you tend to attract "broken" men, are you attracting these men because you're broken yourself or is it because you are a "fixer" and are attracted to fixing a broken person?
I've noticed that as of late, I have a tendency to attract not so nice men. Sure in the beginning they seem "nice" and play the nice guy role well. But over time, really over 2 months, I begin to see the true colors and it's always the same thing--pure cockiness, mean person(talks about others negatively being their back), critical(whether it's of me, or others), and basically thinks they are the ish. Also very "alpha" like in terms of their approach to things. Plays a lot of games. In the beginning they don't seem that way though. If anything, it seems like the total opposite. Matter of fact I now believe that the most recent guy I dated was a narcissist. But in the beginning I thought he was totally more of the "beta" guy(he seemed nervous, quiet, and reserved, not very experienced, etc). Later on found out that was totally not the case and that he seemed at times chillingly "cold".
I'm curious, since this seems to continue to happen to me, if I'm attracting these men/attracted to these men, because maybe I'm really cocky, mean, critical, etc, play a lot of games and have narcissist personalities. I sometimes see "myself" in these men. However, I know that like attracts like, and when you are repelled by someone it's because you are not alike. So in my case, I almost "rule" out the idea that I'm attracting men that are like me, because often once I discover these men true colors I get repulsed and easily move on. So then I wonder if maybe there is something in me that brings about these negative changes amongst the man, or if there is something that I'm attracted to(that I don't realize right away) that seems to be the commonality between all of the guys I've dated. None of these guys look the same, or even have similar personalities in the beginning, but it seems like by the third month they all become the "same". I am a highly emotional person, and also very weird and immature, and a host of other things. I don't try to go after alpha men. again I thought the last couple of guys I dated were "betas". But I keep attracting narcissists and I have no clue why this is.
I'm not defending the actions of all men, but could you be projecting? If these are characteristics that you have been burned by in the past, maybe this is what you are focusing on and "read" into as clues. Just asking
Maybe, but not necessarily. It could be looking for a father figure, if your father was like that, attracted to traits you wish you had more of, or any other psychological kink.
I'm not sure HOW you can not see it. We told you the guy at work was a narcissist douche, but you didn't see it.
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No, I don't think we tend to attract those we mirror.... More likely you are looking for someone who fills a role that you grew up with. And yes, if a guy is not that way from the start...it is possible you are training him how to behave to meet your need.
Get some counseling! Cognitive behavioral therapy will help you recognize the negative patterns you fall into and change them. If you really are a highly emotional person, and also very weird and immature, and a host of other things, wouldn't you want to grow up a bit before trying to form an adult relationship? Nothing wrong with weird and emotional in general, but you may want to learn how to channel that appropriately,
Maybe, but not necessarily. It could be looking for a father figure, if your father was like that, attracted to traits you wish you had more of, or any other psychological kink.
I'm not sure HOW you can not see it. We told you the guy at work was a narcissist douche, but you didn't see it.
Yeh, you guys were right. I have a father, so I'm not looking for a father figure. My father is cocky and does have some narcissistic traits, but he at least shows empathy and sympathy. Once I saw it, and realized what was going on with the co-worker I ended it. In fact I have barely talked to him the last 2 weeks.
No, I don't think we tend to attract those we mirror.... More likely you are looking for someone who fills a role that you grew up with. And yes, if a guy is not that way from the start...it is possible you are training him how to behave to meet your need.
Get some counseling! Cognitive behavioral therapy will help you recognize the negative patterns you fall into and change them. If you really are a highly emotional person, and also very weird and immature, and a host of other things, wouldn't you want to grow up a bit before trying to form an adult relationship? Nothing wrong with weird and emotional in general, but you may want to learn how to channel that appropriately,
I did think that maybe I "train" some of these guys to act this way with me since I play a lot of mind-games, amongst other things. As an experiment, the next guy I date, I will not play mind games with.
I also think that maybe these guys are on their best behaviors in the beginning and then over time there true colors come out.
You seriously need to get all of this "alpha/beta" babble out of your thinking.
An Alpha is the leader of a Wolf Pack.
As far as men go I have been attracted to many different men throughout my singlehood and I did not put any regulations or requirements on them outside of breathing, don't lie to me, don't cheat on me and don't steal from me and don't even think about getting physical other than sex.
Humans are humans and they are as they are and you nor anyone else can change them.
The best way to "find" a good partner is to "not look" for a good partner.
Go out, live your life, do what you do and he/she will come along when the time is right and you least expect it.
No one NEEDS to have a partner all the time, it is not a requirement to be happy and content until you do fine the right person to be with.
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