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That's good that neither of you force change in one another. Forcing someone to change would mean they don't accept you for you.
Yes, it's admirable that people don't force one another to change. BUT, it's also great to be challenged, to have someone nudge you into improving, to complete the project you once talked about, to get up off the couch. I am a very different woman than I was in my early 20s. I had tons of fun, traveled, lived for no one but myself. Of course, I'm in a different phase of my life - I appreciate people who encourage me to do more and challenge myself (and there aren't many people who care enough to take the time to nudge).
That being said, it doesn't seem as though you WANT to make any changes and you are taking care of other past issues. We all have our own timeline. Ignore the unsolicited advice, move at your own pace.
Because they aren't happy about themselves and need to change others to make them feel better....they think. It's a part of a co-dependant personality.
I'm sorry, you've got your armchair psychologists' terms mixed up! Most co-dependants are too timid to try to change their partners behaviors, they create a fantasy person from whoever they are with, and are shocked and surprised when their partner not only doesn't live up to their fantasy, but when the frustration of the fantasy and reality don't match up they always blame their partner instead of looking inward and realizing how they selected exactly the person who would not be prince charming. They are more likely to have a 'Cinderella' type of reaction, kind of mopy and depressed...Possibly befriending mice and singing songs at the moon through the window.
If you are thinking that a person who nags and turns into the wicked witch when she doesn't get her way, you are probably thinking of the 'narcisistic' personality type...that type has no problem hitting you over the head with her 'clue-by-four', and threatening you with leaving if you don't live up to her fantasy person in her head. In this persons mind they ARE the center of the universe, the sun and the moon, so how dare YOU be different that the prince charming that you should be?
There are a lot of different variants to personalities in men and women, but since I just finished reading a book about it, I thought the world needed another armchair psychologist on the job!
This is my biggest pet peeve. Women think they're helping by doing this, but they're just being annoying. Due to my therapy, I don't want to be in a relationship. I have a lot of issues that go back to my childhood.
Anyways, my friend's girlfriend's suggested I get new clothes, stop playing video games, and stop being introverted. To them, they think this will make me more attractive to women. I told them all off. I told them "I don't care what women find unattractive, I am who I am, I like what I like and I will never change. I didn't ask for your advice, so keep it to yourself." They think I'm a jerk but I don't care.
Why do some women do this?
I do agree that this happens in both genders, but I think men tend to get this a little bit more than women. A video game playing guy and a video game playing girl are two very different stereotypes.
I don't know why people in general do this. I guess they're just trying to groom someone to be the perfect mate. Or maybe they're testing them. Really, when you're telling someone to change, it's to benefit you, not them (losing weight, making more money, changing looks). If you really wanted to be in a relationship with someone, you'd accept the good and the bad and realize that a person changes on their own terms. You can lead by example and be encouraging, but anything else ends up disastrous. Personally, I would feel a lot of resentment toward someone who wanted me to change and would quickly end the relationship.
I mean, that was on my list of "ideal partner." Like, seriously. I wouldn't be interested in a man if he were not a gamer in some sort of way. Thank bob my beau is a gamer. He gets me. Oh, and we're both introverts (INFPs, though I am an INFP/INTP hybrid).
I think the real problem is that fact you still have friends. I know someone from high school who does nothing but play video games. He doesn't have any friends and that has greatly reduced the chances of anyone saying anything against his lifestyle choices.
I have a theory about why people try to change one another, because everyone does it to some degree or another in all their relationships. Humans need to feel connected to other humans and by making subtle attempts to change someone, they are actually trying to get a deeper degree of connectedness. It's a neutral act, not based on malice or selfishness, but based on our deep need to belong to a group of like minded people.
Anyway, everyone does it to some degree or another, I wouldn't take it personally and I certainly wouldn't blame "some women".
This is my biggest pet peeve. Women think they're helping by doing this, but they're just being annoying. Due to my therapy, I don't want to be in a relationship. I have a lot of issues that go back to my childhood.
Anyways, my friend's girlfriend's suggested I get new clothes, stop playing video games, and stop being introverted. To them, they think this will make me more attractive to women. I told them all off. I told them "I don't care what women find unattractive, I am who I am, I like what I like and I will never change. I didn't ask for your advice, so keep it to yourself." They think I'm a jerk but I don't care.
Why do some women do this?
It's the natural womanly "nurturing instinct" gone awry.
As you may see in this thread already, some lack it, period. Fair enough. Unfortunately, your homies' girlfriends decide that you are their substitute kid. That's pretty insulting if you ask me, but...you are the company you keep.
It's not different than the gal who decides to date a complete loser (criminal record, et al) because he is "perfect in every other way". You'd think in late 2013, people would learn that people make bad DIY fix-it projects.
This is my biggest pet peeve. Women think they're helping by doing this, but they're just being annoying. Due to my therapy, I don't want to be in a relationship. I have a lot of issues that go back to my childhood.
Anyways, my friend's girlfriend's suggested I get new clothes, stop playing video games, and stop being introverted. To them, they think this will make me more attractive to women. I told them all off. I told them "I don't care what women find unattractive, I am who I am, I like what I like and I will never change. I didn't ask for your advice, so keep it to yourself." They think I'm a jerk but I don't care.
Why do some women do this?
Some women play role of a mommy. Especially if you look like a little boy.
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Armchair Over-analysis:
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